Do you like to get to know someone before you have sex with them???

[Scar]

So here's a backwards scenario....

I have a friend who describes his pursuit of a mate in this manner...

How can you have sex with someone whenyou have not kissed them?
How an you kiss someone when you have not snuggled with them?
How can you snuggle with someone before you get to know them?
How can you get to know someone before you talk to them?
How can you talk to them before you have their number?

So where as I go along the route of sex and THEN getting to know someone, this person takes the opposite route.

How about you guys?

Do you like to do the getting to know first of second? Why?

I like to do the getting to know second for the following (off the top of my head) reasons?

**Sometimes if you really like someone and the chemistry is missing sexually it can be a huge disappointment, better to know right off the bat!! (If someone's great in bed and we don't get along mentally for some reason I am not as let down :-))

**I am impatient and I like to be gratified sexually right away!!!

**I am not old fashioned, and usually not looking for a relationship, so why wait to have sex when that implies that it's 'going somewhere'? I'd rather just have sex with people and if something more clicks pursue it, but it's not entirely necessary for me to care about someone in a lasting way if I am gonna sleep with them.....

I'm sure I have a ton more reasons but those were at the top of my head....

[OrganizedKhaos]

I guess it depends on the person that I meet.
Nothing worse than investing a lot of emotional intimacy just to find out they are horrible lovers.
I've went directly for sexual gratification, then get close, as well as get to know them first then bed 'em.

What influences my direction is the connection I feel with the person.

When I met my husband we had the most intense attraction and connection instantly, and I thought I was going to take it slow, because I could see it going somewhere substantial..... but that resolution resolved very quickly.
I'm putty in his hands.

Sometimes I meet ppl I'm attracted to, and if their personality leaves something to be desired, I'll wait around a bit.... to see what really clicks. And what surfaces after the politeness wears off

[incog]

There are girls I bang and girls I'm friends with but they are not always the same people. If I haven't had sex with someone right away then I won't want to have sex with them later because it makes it too big of a deal. If I bang someone and the sex is only okay but the conversation is good I might turn a lover into a friend but not a friend into a lover. Most girls I've had sex with I probably wouldn't see again so why draw it out when the sex is the thing but some are special.

[Black Spiral Dancer]

I prefer to get to know a person before we have sex, so you know what the other person is into.

[One Eyed Cat]

Ukrainian Tradition dictates having sex on the first date. It gets it out of the way. You know right away if you're compatible. The worst is when you talk about sex or having a relationship and then don't. It's fucking awful. So if you have the inclination, you may as well give it a go. Otherwise, keep it out of the way and define a friendship. You will avoid drama if you follow this humble tradition.

Jackie T

[helcyon]

Interesting... not clear cut at all for me... no immediately apparent consistency to my experiences. And cos I see myself as a bit 'older' perhaps the pot of potentials, possibilities, prospects, past performances and pulls/pickups is plenty and plenty perplexin'. But now that I think about it.....

Case A: An unknown hot & sexy one = Open and shut case. I want to fuck you right here right now and maybe I will fall in love real quick (wish I didn't but... bad case of lovin' you).

Case B: An unknown not so immediately hot but sexy one = same as case A but thankfully no Robert Palmer syndrome doctor doctor. But don't give up on me cos I might fall in love if you want me to naughty nursey.

Case C: A known hot/sexy one = Blimey this is a bad case sometimes but a good one too sometimes. I'm more than happy gettin' to know you much better for a while first in fact it helps me feel more comfortable actually. But I will be up for heat one of the freestyle in doona olympics straight away if that's what you prefer gorgeous.

Case D: A known one who is attractve but no sexual chemistry for me = A hard case for me to crack this one. I want me to want you and my friends are often astonished when I'm like "no thanks" to the chik everyone else has decided I'm an idiot if I don't ... plus the gently spurned nicey thinks it's a cheap trick (sort of) and they hate you evermore. I actually think it's easier not to ruin a friendship by actually sexing up in this case of confusion but why the f**k should I? But like case B don't give up on us baby cos if you want to start acting correctly nice & dirty then you are actually case C at that point.

Case closed.

[helcyon]

Ukrainian Tradition dictates having sex on the first date. It gets it out of the way. You know right away if you're compatible. The worst is when you talk about sex or having a relationship and then don't. It's fucking awful. So if you have the inclination, you may as well give it a go. Otherwise, keep it out of the way and define a friendship. You will avoid drama if you follow this humble tradition.

Jackie T

ooo that is so correct. plus ukraine has some awfully hot ones running around. i thought i liked 'em but i didn't know how much until just then jackie t. most heartening

[Anarkey]

i seam to have had sex on the first date many times ,,,,, wait i wore a love glove so those were 1 nighters ..but if they call me the next day r two later we most likely become good friends ,, but there has been some that turned into long time lasting close friend and partners..

[bohoki]

just remember if they dont know your name that doesnt mean they dont know you its just cause we guys are kinda dumb sometimes

[One Eyed Cat]

ooo that is so correct. plus ukraine has some awfully hot ones running around. i thought i liked 'em but i didn't know how much until just then jackie t. most heartening

They would love you in Kyiv. Learn a bit of the language though. Mishaps in social mores can lead you into bad situations. Overall, they'd vibe you well. The immigration gig is overplayed, they just want a new flavor like anyone else. You just have be weary of some of the locals who run the clubs.

Jackie T

[shiki]

enh. I'm a dirty slut. so whatever. it depends, but usually I know whether I want to fuck the shit out of someone or not right away. Though sometimes it has grown on me...either way is nice. I like it either way.

[VoltaireBlue]

Interesting... not clear cut at all for me... no immediately apparent consistency to my experiences. And cos I see myself as a bit 'older' perhaps the pot of potentials, possibilities, prospects, past performances and pulls/pickups is plenty and plenty perplexin'. But now that I think about it.....

Case A: An unknown hot & sexy one = Open and shut case. I want to fuck you right here right now and maybe I will fall in love real quick (wish I didn't but... bad case of lovin' you).

Case B: An unknown not so immediately hot but sexy one = same as case A but thankfully no Robert Palmer syndrome doctor doctor. But don't give up on me cos I might fall in love if you want me to naughty nursey.

Case C: A known hot/sexy one = Blimey this is a bad case sometimes but a good one too sometimes. I'm more than happy gettin' to know you much better for a while first in fact it helps me feel more comfortable actually. But I will be up for heat one of the freestyle in doona olympics straight away if that's what you prefer gorgeous.

Case D: A known one who is attractve but no sexual chemistry for me = A hard case for me to crack this one. I want me to want you and my friends are often astonished when I'm like "no thanks" to the chik everyone else has decided I'm an idiot if I don't ... plus the gently spurned nicey thinks it's a cheap trick (sort of) and they hate you evermore. I actually think it's easier not to ruin a friendship by actually sexing up in this case of confusion but why the f**k should I? But like case B don't give up on us baby cos if you want to start acting correctly nice & dirty then you are actually case C at that point.

Case closed.

I agree for the most part. but every situation is different, and there are always exceptions to the rules...

[TheDeathKnight]

It's like Scar said, if you are looking for just sex, and that's it, then it doesn't matter if you know them. But if you are looking for a relationship, it's more important to find out other things about the person. I guess none of you have run into psycho people? Or stalkers? Or had a terrible relationship? See, I don't really want to have sex with someone, and then find out they are someone who is a total asshole, or really lame, etc. Let's say you have sex with some random person at a club. And then you find out later, from your friends, that this person has used and abused lots of people, or done lots of really fucked up shit? Would you still have wanted to give it up to someone like that? See, I don't like the idea of going to a club, and running into some girl I slept with, and my friends all being disgusted, because she is a total psycho, or everyone hates her or something. I would think the same thing would be true for girls. If you find out later that the guy you slept with, was cheating on his girlfriend, fucks everyone in sight, has STDs, and it generally a total asshole, would you want everyone to know you slept with that scumbag? I wouldn't. But that's just me. I'm usually fairly selective about who I have sex with. That doesn't mean I am only looking for relationship material. It can be casual. But I still have to like and respect the person.

[Velvet-Tongue]

Also the whole aids thing pops to mind.

[OrganizedKhaos]

Also the whole aids thing pops to mind.

Totally!!! I aint got nothin, dont want nothin!