May / December

[Xochitl]

Well I find myself in a May / December romance of sorts. He is 47 & I am 32. We get along very well. I enjoy his company, but he wants to be very serious immediately. I have just left close to a decade with someone and that among other things have been making me wonder about all of it. He is stable and wonderfully artistic, however, I did this kind of thing before in my early 20's & found that older guys like younger women to have fun with. This person says otherwise but this time I am a bit wiser (I'd like to think )

So he has a kid in college, I actually meet guys who hit on me all the time who are his son's age. I am not interested in anyone that young, I would like a family in a few years and it is obvious that he has raised his kid. I would never push that on someone either. He has an ex wife who is completely insane but it looks like she is out of the picture, now that the kid is an adult but you never know. He has stayed away from getting too serious due to career & his son.

So I am challenged... I like this person, he is very helpful and sweet, he even took my cat to the vet the other day. I get to meet people and do a lot of stuff that I only imagined because of him in this town, but I have this gnawing need to be all alone. He says it will pass & even proposed marriage the other night when I asked for some space. I said nothing either way but put my foot down when he began to announce things to co-workers.

I know he is afraid of losing me but I find this behavior foolish, as he is old enough to know better & we have only been involved for a few months. He doesn't need to act like a desperate old guy but he is. So any of you done this kind of thing? Never seriously got involved with someone with kids, all very new for me.

[inox]

It seems like every other statement you make, you're rationalizing some problem.

Plus, he didn't respect your desire for space, and started trying to push marriage on you, even talking to your coworkers about it. Way over the line.

You say also that you want to raise a family, and it seems that he's done with that.

I am having trouble seeing what's "right" about this situation.

[Tinman]

Hmm, its a tough one.
One side u like him, but want space
U want family, he seems done wit that
He did cross the line wit the tellin people, not good move.
But he is male so prone to bein an arsehole, its our disability dont hold it against us, he sounds like he really wants to be with u, n when people talk o needin space usually means alot o space, then followed by er im seein someone else or i need to see other people, see were im goin?
fear drives us to do stupid things n if hes scared o lossin u maybe thats y hes comin accross as desperate, coz he is, desperate not to loose u.
Sit him down have a talk bout all the things u just said, if by the end ur goin in seperate directions, it wasnt meant to be, if its all good, what ve u lost? Except the chance at happiness if u dont talk. Best o luck x

[inox]

Hmm, its a tough one.
One side u like him, but want space
U want family, he seems done wit that
He did cross the line wit the tellin people, not good move.
But he is male so prone to bein an arsehole, its our disability dont hold it against us, he sounds like he really wants to be with u, n when people talk o needin space usually means alot o space, then followed by er im seein someone else or i need to see other people, see were im goin?
fear drives us to do stupid things n if hes scared o lossin u maybe thats y hes comin accross as desperate, coz he is, desperate not to loose u.
Sit him down have a talk bout all the things u just said, if by the end ur goin in seperate directions, it wasnt meant to be, if its all good, what ve u lost? Except the chance at happiness if u dont talk. Best o luck x

Please, for the sweet love of god, type out your words. Learning to punctuate properly wouldn't hurt either.

Also, you lose a lover, you loose a volley of arrows.

[seeker]

I feel you need to communicate your thoughts and feelings, and you seem to have worked a lot out for yourself. Communicating can be a make or brake for a relationship sometimes but expressing your feelings can set some boundaries but can also help to find out more of the person you are with.

Good luck.

[Tinman]

What is it wit u guys n punctuation n grammar, im a product of my generation txt speak is just easier, im lazy sue me!
Im English therefore i have the god given right to bastardise my language as i see fit, u yanks been doin it for years, colour, color? nuff Z

[Donald Rilea]

I'd sue ya, Tinman, but considering all the expense involved in getting over to the UK, hiring a solicitor and a barrister, then getting the case into the dock at the Old Bailey, or whatever court has jurisdiction over such cases, I think I'll just stick with giving you a raspberry:PPPPPP!!!! LOL!!!!

I would agree with you that Americans and others have changed the English language quite a bit over the centuries, however.

As for myself, as you may have noticed, I prefer to use British spelling and the like.

Why??? 'Cos I likes it.

Sum'thin' t'do, innit????

Be seeing you.

[Xochitl]

Thanks for the words everyone. I did sit him down & explained what I want, which is someone around for a good time & fun, no serious commitments. That is it, no more no less! He isn't in favor of all of this but acting like he was will only make me run. He is a lot of fun and very sweet, just impulsive. Who knows what the future holds, but I am not in a position to start making major plans with someone yet & won't be for awhile & I made it clear that he needs to respect that.

[Donald Rilea]

Thanks for the words everyone. I did sit him down & explained what I want, which is someone around for a good time & fun, no serious commitments. That is it, no more no less! He isn't in favor of all of this but acting like he was will only make me run. He is a lot of fun and very sweet, just impulsive. Who knows what the future holds, but I am not in a position to start making major plans with someone yet & won't be for awhile & I made it clear that he needs to respect that.

Pardon my saying so, Xochitl, but I think you did just fine. Now, the ball's in his court, and whatever he does is on him.

Best of luck with this.

[Rockwulf]

I tried to figure out your problem and give you the best advice I could but after reading 3 words of bolded italic purple font I had an aneurysm and nearly died.

[Tinman]

Lmao, Always a good response Don, he he, i wore my sunglasses to read it lol, and Xochitl, i think ull be just fine, best o luck