Has this happened to you?

[Nudemuse]

I've been spending some time on the interweb involved in some activism type communites and I have found am starting to not want to participate in quite few because of how stuck to the party line some people can be.

Here's the situation, tell me am I just overly cranky or is my anger somewhat reasonable.

The most recent is this:

I'm involved with a size-acceptance community and for the most part I've really been enjoying participating and reading. But lately I've noticed a lot of women (it's mostly women involved) getting absolutely reamed when they say anything that isn't inline with the "I'm fabulous and I love myself so there" attitude of the community.

For instance, one woman in particular made a very long heartfelt post about how she's been feeling really down on herself and that she's put on a lot of weight and really she was just looking for some commiseration or sympathy or some sort of connection with the group at large. She got her ass chewed up one side and down the other.

Some of these people got really vicious and (as happens in some groups when you deviate from the party line) accused her of having no convictions, no self esteem, she got called a few names etc. I (I'm proud of myself I didn't go off on people) asked her in the thread what brought this on and it turns out that she's been fucking sick and in bad health and that particular day it was all just a little too much.

I've seen that sort of thing happen in more than a couple of communities and it just really pisses me off.

I think maybe I've been spoiled being here. There might be disagreements but there's not that weird mob you must think the same as we do or fuck off type of mentality here.

So my big question is am I overreacting?

I really think that villifying(sp?) people when they don't agree with every ideal of a given group is wrong and in the long run hurts whatever the cause may be. It's really frustrating for me.

Anybody else?

Did that make any sense? I'm really exhausted and annoyed and the mix of the two doesn't always make for clarity.

[Mirren]

You aren't overreacting. I have been through the same type of situation.. with a size acceptance group to be exact. I couldn't stay there. If you wanted to deviate from the "plan" or their way of thinking and or views in any way, you were treated like a pariah.Then their clique jumps you as well... very school yard mentality.They have this perspective, or try to make you believe they do, that everything is perfect just how they are and maybe it is.I don't really give a fuck but I won't be disrespected.Everyone has issues at times about who they are, how they are... Maybe they really do believe all the bullshit they spew but I don't buy it. I let them know that before I left, Heh. We have got used to being here too, you make a valid point when you bring that up. No one is rude to each other very often, we have some boundaries. That's how I feel anyway.

[LoraLie]

i love this board so much cause i dont have to put up with that sort of crap.

[Amelia G]

One of the things I most want to combat here is groupthink and I'm super psyched to see that our efforts are working and that there are people who appreciate the opportunity to engage in critical thinking and actually analyze things. People always want me to put a pop label like "goth" or "punk" or "fandom" or something like that on Blue Blood and I think the sort of quintessential Blue Blood person is someone who has probably moved through a number of subcultures or flits between a number and will explore more, but who picks out their own actual tastes and doesn't select a personality off the rack as it were.

[Nudemuse]

Thank you very much. I took a breath and wrote some of the people I had issue with. And (surprise surprise) I told no one to fuck off.

[grebo]

sometimes activist communities on all sides of politics are as bad as religious groups, you step out of line or question the groups beliefs your gunna get shit from all sides

[Buster Friendly]

activists *retch*

i quit all that type stuff back in 2000, when i got seriously backstabbed over a bunch of bullshit in a group i'd been working very seriously with, and moved to nyc.

when i got here i looked around for a local group to see if anything was being planned for earthday, and eventualy found a phone number that i was told to call. when i did get through the woman on the other end of the phone was like 'who the fuck are you? why are you calling? why do you want to be a part of OUR earthday event?' that was enough for me. no more petty politicing, and 'reeducation' for me. no thanks.

[mmmcherry]

hah fuck... god forbid youd want to possibly meet new friends someplace you just moved to and celebrate THE EARTH!!! thats pretty lame...

[ForrestBlack]

I think a support/activist group should be there for it's participants both on their good days and their bad days. Sure, they should try to instill a certain amount of pride and self acceptance, but everyone is going to have their ups and downs, so I think a good group should be realistic and acknowledge that too. I think folks considered to be overweight should have some support there to help them feel fabulous and help them not feel too relentlessly depressive, but no matter what, there are going to be down days when people just feel crappy about whatever their issue is. That's just realistic. Some days I felt awesome and cool and connected to the subcultures I enjoy when I had bright green hair, and some days I just felt like an idiot setting myself up to have problems I didn't need to have. Sure, someone shouldn't always be a wet blanket, dragging everyone else down with their negativity and support/compliment fishing, but no acknowledgment that some things can really just get you down seems a little delusional.

[Nudemuse]

I got asked to leave one community for calling bullshit on a few of their unspoken policies. Amazing how a 'supportive' enviornment can turn when you're not walking the line.

I was told: (my comments in italics)

"You're not even really BBW"
Okay so I'm chunky but not chunky enough. Great. That makes my self esteem skyrocket.

"You're attitude is not positive enough."
So me talking to other people about what has them down and maybe trying to make them feel a little better or commiserating is not a positive thing. We're all fabulous all the fucking time.

"You've already been warned about questioning moderators."
Smite the disinter. Good job.

Those weren't my actual statements to the community here's what I actually said:

I find it disturbing that in this supposed environment of safety, sisterhood and commonality that the moderators feel it necessary to shield each of us from each other. We all have bad days, we all have problems sometimes and it's absurd and unrealistic to behave or say otherwise. This community as per the mission statement was founded for women of size (and any other women) to come together for support, give and recieve advice and generally have something of their days brightened. What it has turned into is a plasticized and shallow place where it's okay to show your tits but not okay to show your heart. I leave this place with mixed feelings, there are those of you with whom I've enjoyed talking to and those I didn't get to know. I'm sorry truly if my presence has been a dark cloud. Thanks to those of you who've offered support and advice. I hope your days are many and wonderful.
S
~

As pissed off and hurt as I am right now I'm very proud of myself that I didn't say fuck once, nor did I call anyone a fucking mealy mouthed twat. Not that I didn't want to but I'm trying to curb that sort of thing.

Fuck sake.

Is no place safe anymore?

I hate that I have the want and need to be involved in these sorts of communities because I have issues and am really trying to learn as I get older that there are other people who can help. Fuck sake this sort of thing really doesn't help me out any.

I'm angry.

And I'm spent.

[hewhoisagod]

It really pisses me off when extremist type people take over political activist or other groups. I consider myself a liberal, but I'm not going to camp in a dead tree so the city doesn't turn the rest of a half block sized lot into a parking lot (that happened a few years ago near where I live, she came down, they bulldozed the tree, now it's the parking lot for Borders). If anything I almost consider myself a Libertarian because I support the rights of EVERYONE, so when people force shit like anti smoking laws, it just pisses me off. Kansas has both sides of the spectrum. You have to be a flag waving psycho christian to be a Republican here, and typical hippie to be a Democrat. So the average person is alienated so it's why the Libertarian party is very strong here. People are being left behind and that's not what a group is supposed to be about. A dissenting opinion needs to be required or else you just have a group of Yesmen. Fuck, now I'm just rambling.