A Question On Dating

[hewhoisagod]

Okay so here's the deal

This girl in my dorm has been talking to me for a couple of months now........ She's kinda cool. I ended being the guy she'd bitch to about her on again/off again boyfriend. She's also told me about her plans involving sex and other shit like that. So I kinda figured that she and I were cool with each other....... Now here's where it get's wierd, I invited her to go with me to see the Burning Brides. Now I'm of the mind that I'll buy the ticket for the person providing transportation. So I wrote her this and I also put in there that if her boyfriend was being a dick or she was pissed at her roommate over something she could come over and hang out........... Now she's giving me the cold shoulder........ I'm not asking her out I'm actually being genuinely nice and it might just be stress because she's moving to a different dorm and they kept fucking her over...... but now she's trying to avoid me and shit......... what's up with that?

[moonheart]

Shame, women are sometimes just f@cked in the head. Sometimes it is not worth being nice to some people. They don't understand that there can be friendship without having to hop in the bed. Or maybe she feels guilty about telling you stuff. Letting you in behind the wall/image she presents to the big cruel world.

[Eternal throes]

Maybe she's scared that if she keeps getting to know you she'll want to fuck you herself and she doesn't want things to change so she'd rather not talk to you untill she knows she can control herself....Or like Moonheart said she's just f@cked in the head.Or she simply thinks your trying to go out with her ....I've known some guys that like to befriend girls only to go out with them in the future and rarely ever befriend girls for any other reason.

[hewhoisagod]

I know a lot of guys that do that too............ A lot of their lady friends were people they fucked up trying to date......... I ended up with a lot of friends because of that..... I didn't mind at all. Apparently, through years of listening to my mom and sisters, my brother and I have become quite the listeners..... he and I are both the bitch to guy for our girl friends. Some of my guy friends bitch to me too about shit, their parents do too.......... usually because I don't have a remark or advice for them....... also because unless it affects me, I don't really give a shit, but I'll be as helpful as I can.

[Eternal throes]

Just have to ask with all the bitching that seems to be coming your way who do you bitch to? you must get sick of people assuming they can talk at you not to you.

[hewhoisagod]

all the time....... I talk to different friends about it....... so I don't mind it happening, it's why I don't have as many girl friends here as I did in Chicago. I've created a semi bitch free zone, it's called my dorm.

[Eternal throes]

all the time....... I talk to different friends about it....... so I don't mind it happening, it's why I don't have as many girl friends here as I did in Chicago. I've created a semi bitch free zone, it's called my dorm.

I sriously need one of those.
so ur from Chicago. Where are u now ?

[K_SyniculOne]

So I wrote her this and I also put in there that if her boyfriend was being a dick or she was pissed at her roommate over something she could come over and hang out........... Now she's giving me the cold shoulder........ I'm not asking her out I'm actually being genuinely nice and it might just be stress because she's moving to a different dorm and they kept fucking her over...... but now she's trying to avoid me and shit

I used to be in the same situation you are in when I was "younger" : Always the "sisterly" type to the guys who were pissed off at their girlfriends. . .

As much as I loved being there listening to them when they were feeling down or blue or just plain shitty, I definitely did not want them to think that they can steam-roll me either. Gotta put your foot down at some point eventually : You are kind to her; she treats you like a carpet and steps all over you. (What if you are in a bind and you need help? Do you think she would be there for you the same way you have been there for her? Hmmm.)

(Yeah she sounds f@cked up, then again, she also sounds like she's unsure of what she really wants also i.e., bitch to you about her boyfriend who might be a d!ck, tease ya with the sex talk, and then expects you to fill that "temporary void" when he's not around for her...thats what it looks like to me, or maybe I'm over-assuming things). Been down that road before, and actually, would it really be much trouble if you perhaps asked someone else to go with you to see the Burning Brides? (That's one way I solved my situation long time ago. People never know what they have, 'til they have lost it/him/her...)

[hewhoisagod]

I asked another girl to the show and she said she'd go with me......... so on that end everything's cool.

[hewhoisagod]

update.......... found out why she's been avoiding me........ Amongst other things.......... she's been really busy moving and having family over and such..... and her boyfriend is for lack of a better word a dick........ he's really possessive and he won't let her out with her friends regardless of gender, if she gets any calls from her guy friends on her cell phone, she has to delete them so she doesn't get yelled at ......... so it's nothing I did, it's just her uber controlling boyfriend.

[keiko]

Somehow it doesn't sound like she's in a very healthy relationship. Maybe you shoul dfind some way to break them up that won't result in either you or her getting the crap beaten out of you by the big dumb bohunk.
K

[bre.star]

Yah, she probably thinks you're trying to put the moves on her, and that scares her. You should clarify to her that you're not trying to be anything more than friends, because if someone wrote me a note like that I'd asume they were trying to get with me... But that's fucked up of her to avoid you and not go to a concert that you already payed tickets for...

[hewhoisagod]

haven't paid yet........ but I'm getting them in a week when the cash situation is a lot better....... but her friends are trying to get her to break up with the douchebag....... and the only reason I wrote the note is because our schedules conflict now so I don't see her that often, and I didn't have her phone number and nobody checks their school email so it was the only way I could contact her.

[YouMakeMeWanna000]

ok. Look. Here's the thing about girls. Ignore her, shell start talking to you again if you do. Some girls are stupid like that, and if she cant appreciate you or whatever, then just move on. This chick sounds like a bitch...Sorry if I sound harsh...but I am...

[bleedingaway]

people want what they can't have...especially women( no offence) ...and when they finally get to the point of reciprocated interest even if it's purely innocent they bail....it's all in the chase

[CPRB]

all these girls in wierd and fucked up relationships.....amazes me. I am blessed for the girls who are my friends. as for a fucked up relationship patience is a virtue if you like the perosn and want to date them. but LISTEN for real is this person really somone you want todate if they get involved in fucked up relationships I mena we all do and heck I mean if we went with that I am undatebale. I would move on dude. Sometimes Being single suck but sometimes when I look at all the crap people go through I don't feel so bad.....whatt show was it???? as for being dicthed I have ahd that happen. a pointer to all guys don't over react and call more then 2 times ti see where theyare if they are not ther just go to the shwo anyhow and have a good time

[hewhoisagod]

no I don't want to date her......... I just wanted someone to go with me to the show.......... but that's already taken care of........ I have no intention of dating her......... well not yet anyways........ I'm just worried about her, well if what is said about her boyfriend is true, I haven't met the guy...... and I really don't know the situation to intervene....... but the guy is subhuman and needs to be removed........... I'm just trying to be nice....... it's a flaw I have but it does have some benefits later on I guess.

[Eternal throes]

no I don't want to date her......... I just wanted someone to go with me to the show.......... but that's already taken care of........ I have no intention of dating her......... well not yet anyways........ I'm just worried about her, well if what is said about her boyfriend is true, I haven't met the guy...... and I really don't know the situation to intervene....... but the guy is subhuman and needs to be removed........... I'm just trying to be nice....... it's a flaw I have but it does have some benefits later on I guess.

So you are planing on dating her... eventually... What hapen to being genuinely nice?

[gonesavage]

people want what they can't have...especially women( no offence) ...and when they finally get to the point of reciprocated interest even if it's purely innocent they bail....it's all in the chase

Women aren't the only ones that play games. Men do too. I swear, in the back of men's minds (at least, all the men I know), there's always sex and how to get it.

[hewhoisagod]

So you are planing on dating her... eventually... What hapen to being genuinely nice?

How the hell am I supposed to know what will happen in the future? Seriously I have no intention dating her.......... however if something changes in the future I wouldn't be able to figure that out now. Shit happens, my feelings for her might change within the next week, but right now at this moment I don't want to date her or anyone else. I can't afford it. And even if I could, I don't do dates. And I don't want a girlfriend.

[Eternal throes]

How the hell am I supposed to know what will happen in the future? Seriously I have no intention dating her.......... however if something changes in the future I wouldn't be able to figure that out now. Shit happens, my feelings for her might change within the next week, but right now at this moment I don't want to date her or anyone else. I can't afford it. And even if I could, I don't do dates. And I don't want a girlfriend.

Calm the fuck down .... I was just trying to figure you out... the contradiction made me curious thats all. So if I may ask what's with you and not wanting a girlfriend you seem put off by the idea. Is it only because of money?

[bleedingaway]

i have more than sex on my mind...i would genuinely desire a kickass time in a fulfilling atmosphere where we had a good time and laughed our asses off than sex....but after the laughing.....hhhhhhmm

[hewhoisagod]

Calm the fuck down .... I was just trying to figure you out... the contradiction made me curious thats all. So if I may ask what's with you and not wanting a girlfriend you seem put off by the idea. Is it only because of money?

Money has a little to do with it........... I haven't had a full tank of gas in 7 months........ I figure if I don't have enough money to even put gas in my car....... I just don't like to mooch off of people that's all.

[CPRB]

girsl can't live....wait let me get me kevlar helmet and armor....with em or without them...and yes guys can be nymphos to the extreme....it's hard though with all you adorable darlin's!!! but maybe sometimnes we want to havea feamle companion that has some impute and intelligence and just down right fun to be with....realtionship politics are so oddd.....

[K_SyniculOne]

but maybe sometimnes we want to havea feamle companion that has some impute and intelligence and just down right fun to be with....realtionship politics are so oddd.....

Yes, that is true, the politics of relationships is difficult. If you are too smart, you are a square. If you are a slut, you are belittling yourself by acting like a skank. If you give a hint of compassion or even a subtle sign of "sex", you are a tease. Like the old saying goes, "Just be yourself : the good, the bad and the everything in between." If anything, that is better than making people guess about who you really are. It makes things so much simpler throughout the friendship/relationship in the first place. I hate mind games...It isn't me at all.

[virgilnhell]

I don't know what to tell you, but I know what your going through on the part of "her" the relationship is unhealthy, why she is still with him is beyond me. I just hope it all works out for you. Still.......keep your eyes open and don't let others destroy you.

[pedar]

Yes, that is true, the politics of relationships is difficult. If you are too smart, you are a square. If you are a slut, you are belittling yourself by acting like a skank. If you give a hint of compassion or even a subtle sign of "sex", you are a tease. Like the old saying goes, "Just be yourself : the good, the bad and the everything in between." If anything, that is better than making people guess about who you really are. It makes things so much simpler throughout the friendship/relationship in the first place. I hate mind games...It isn't me at all.

All you can do is figure out who you are- like who you are..and be yourself-- and people are either going to like you or hate you and there isn't jack you can do abt it..I mean try to be the best you can be- but you ultimately can't 'make' people like you- P.