Soul mates

[mystoo]

Do you believe in soul mates? And if, so have you found yours?

[OrganizedKhaos]

Do you believe in soul mates? And if, so have you found yours?

Absolutely, and Absolutely.

(however, you know from what I've told you in emails, and such... that I believe there's more to it than what meets the eye....pm/email if you want me to go into detail.... but chances are, you already know what I'm talking about)

[Morning Glory]

sure, I think so.

that feels like a really let down answer. what else am I suppose to say?

[Bikerpunk]

no, and no.

[inox]

I believe it's possible, but I think that a lot of times, it's just self delusion. Absent compelling evidence to the contrary, people often tend to imagine that their partner is exactly as they'd wish them to be.

Plus, some people are entirely unable to function outside of a relationship, and so they'll manufacture whatever fictions enable their initial infatuation and later codependency.

When things don't work out, the superlatives and declarations are forgotten or revised somehow, and someone new then magically acquires that unique significance in their lives. It's twoo wuv this time! Sure, maybe it feels that way, but if it's a place you keep finding yourself...

Serial monogamy seems so insincere to me.

[babysinead]

Yes. I am my own soulmate.

[Lady Alias]

Nope. The concept is way too fluffy. It's like a fairytale for adults.

Yes, there is a Santa Clause when you are young. Yes, you will find your soul mate when you are an adult.

[inox]

Yes. I am my own soulmate.

Good way to look at it.

[Madam Yummi]

On occasion. And no. It doesn't appear so.

[mystoo]

I thought I'd found mine once upon a time but it turned out to be bullshit. Do I think there's someone out there just for me? I'm not holding my breath.

[TheCosmicSheriff]

I thought I'd found mine once upon a time but it turned out to be bullshit. Do I think there's someone out there just for me? I'm not holding my breath.

You beat me too it. MEt 18 years ago maried 10 diviorced 2 daughter Aria 10. (Aria is the best thing to happen to me)

[Ajax Knucklebones]

I think it's possible since in the U.S. alone, there are 300 million people. If somehow you could meet and really know say 100 million people, there's gonna be a good chance you'll meet that SOMEONE you've always been looking for. The chances of knowing THAT much people though? The reality of it is my soulmate probably lives in Iceland or some shit. So, instead, we get together with someone who's close to what you're looking for, but NEVER entirely to the tee, what you had in mind as the PERFECT soulmate. I love my spouse, but is she my EXACT soulmate. Nah, but I love her just as much, just the same. Besides, who wants someone with NO faults....Boring.

[OrganizedKhaos]

I dont think a soul mate means NO faults...
AK, You know our friends CK & M... they seem (at least where I am sitting) pretty darned matched perfectly.. as perfectly as it gets... right?
No two ppl are EXACTLY the same... but can be perfectly matched....
DB and Me, we're as perfect as it gets.
Even in my wildest fairy tales... I never knew it could be this wonderful.
Or that I could meet someone that perfectly fitting.

We're far from perfect. But I think he's absolutely my soul mate.

I didnt believe in soul mates before I met him.... the thought of it, and not having it was just too painful.
The SECOND I met him, it was the eeriest feeling.
Like I'd honestly found my other half.

(I have connections with others too, at different levels) SO, couldnt this just be a question of Levels?

[Ajax Knucklebones]

Well, put it this way. Since there are billions of people on Earth, can you HONESTLY say that you could NEVER possibly find someone better than your husband if you could actually know every single person on Earth? Remember...the WHOLE population of the Earth...

As far as CK & M goes....I see the real thing live. I would never say anything, but no, they are not totally, PERFECT for each other. Very close? Yes, but TOTALLY PERFECT...Nopes. There is some smoke and mirrors going on, but neither of them would ever fess up to it.

[OrganizedKhaos]

Well, you would know better than me....
Speaking for myself, concerning my situation, I'm happy with mine, and I dont have any desire whatsoever to replace him. So I'm not looking for someone else who might fit better.
I like DB, because he and I allow each other to be free... and this is the most consistently perfect experience we've been allowed to have in an imperfect world.

We're both happy to experience life thru each other's eyes, and holding each other's hands...

Eh, what we have works for us... and I wish this kind of love on others too.(if its something they desire)

[inox]

I am going to repost something I posted on another board. The "300 million people" comment prompted me.

===============

Let's break that down. Say there's 6.7 billion on the planet.

Well, that's roughly about 3.4 billion women.

Now, about 60% of that is in Asia, whereas only a small percentage is in North America.

Given that a huge portion of the people outside of North America don't speak English, and are deeply involved and rooted in their particular cultures, meeting them and dating them adds layers of difficulty. ...and, of course, you will tend to have less in common in many ways.

Unless you're a veritable Marco Polo, a polyglot with a penchant for continual world travel, scratch that idea.

So, assuming you look at North America, you're down to ~262 million. Now, out of those, many of them will be in age groups you don't want to consider. Something like ~25% of the world's population is under 15. A good percentage is also older. You're probably down to no more than 10% at this point. 26.2 million.

Plenty of others will be obese, or otherwise be physically unattractive. Let's be really generous and say that you will find 1 in 50 of the women hot enough (even though a stroll down any street tells us this is not so.) 524,000.

Lots of others will be in relationships/married. In fact, the more desirable they are, the more likely this is. Let's say half of them are single (again, generous.) 262,000.

Out of all of the ones you find physically acceptable, likely only a small percentage would have anything meaningful in common with you. In my experience, no more than 1 in 10 of the women I think are hot have something more for me than what I see. Again, it's prolly a lot less, but let's stick with that, and 26,200.

Only a small subset of those would be mutually attracted, and would want to date you. Probably no more than 5 in 10 of those, unless you are Dr. Lothario, Pimp Extraordinare. 13,100. Again, it's prolly more like 1 in 10, and 2,620, but I won't split hairs.

Most relationships fail, for one reason or another, but we'll also ignore that for now.

Oh, and with a population of that size, some will have STDs.

So, spread out over the 9,450,000 square miles, you have but 13,100 women (with a generous estimate) who are really going to do it for you.

This is a compelling argument for trusting to the fates and taking and cherishing your happiness where you find it.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

Well, you would know better than me....
Speaking for myself, concerning my situation, I'm happy with mine, and I dont have any desire whatsoever to replace him. So I'm not looking for someone else who might fit better.
I like DB, because he and I allow each other to be free... and this is the most consistently perfect experience we've been allowed to have in an imperfect world.

We're both happy to experience life thru each other's eyes, and holding each other's hands...

Eh, what we have works for us... and I wish this kind of love on others too.(if its something they desire)

Well...That's the same for me. I'm not looking for anyone. I'm just saying to say that I FOUND my soulmate....I don't believe so. To say I found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with? I definitely found that.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

I am going to repost something I posted on another board. The "300 million people" comment prompted me.

===============

Let's break that down. Say there's 6.7 billion on the planet.

Well, that's roughly about 3.4 billion women.

Now, about 60% of that is in Asia, whereas only a small percentage is in North America.

Given that a huge portion of the people outside of North America don't speak English, and are deeply involved and rooted in their particular cultures, meeting them and dating them adds layers of difficulty. ...and, of course, you will tend to have less in common in many ways.

Unless you're a veritable Marco Polo, a polyglot with a penchant for continual world travel, scratch that idea.

So, assuming you look at North America, you're down to ~262 million. Now, out of those, many of them will be in age groups you don't want to consider. Something like ~25% of the world's population is under 15. A good percentage is also older. You're probably down to no more than 10% at this point. 26.2 million.

Plenty of others will be obese, or otherwise be physically unattractive. Let's be really generous and say that you will find 1 in 50 of the women hot enough (even though a stroll down any street tells us this is not so.) 524,000.

Lots of others will be in relationships/married. In fact, the more desirable they are, the more likely this is. Let's say half of them are single (again, generous.) 262,000.

Out of all of the ones you find physically acceptable, likely only a small percentage would have anything meaningful in common with you. In my experience, no more than 1 in 10 of the women I think are hot have something more for me than what I see. Again, it's prolly a lot less, but let's stick with that, and 26,200.

Only a small subset of those would be mutually attracted, and would want to date you. Probably no more than 5 in 10 of those, unless you are Dr. Lothario, Pimp Extraordinare. 13,100. Again, it's prolly more like 1 in 10, and 2,620, but I won't split hairs.

Most relationships fail, for one reason or another, but we'll also ignore that for now.

Oh, and with a population of that size, some will have STDs.

So, spread out over the 9,450,000 square miles, you have but 13,100 women (with a generous estimate) who are really going to do it for you.

This is a compelling argument for trusting to the fates and taking and cherishing your happiness where you find it.

Hoy shit! You are like a statistics guru!

[Morning Glory]

Well, put it this way. Since there are billions of people on Earth, can you HONESTLY say that you could NEVER possibly find someone better than your husband if you could actually know every single person on Earth? Remember...the WHOLE population of the Earth...

most likely. but like inox said, you'll probably never meet any of them. and maybe even if you did, say you knew EVERYONE, you wouldn't have the a relationship and a history with any of those other people, so that alone might make you still stick with your initially chosen mate.

[Mr Karl]

no, I'm not into feet

[VoltaireBlue]

I don't believe in soul mates. It would take me a while to type out why. I'll be back later. no time right now.

[a_small_death]

I would say to the question A. Crock of zombie and B. So full of oompa loompa shit. That's my take on the subject.

[Velvet-Tongue]

I believe you can meet someone you're so compatible with its like you share a soul.

[DonkeyMoses]

Soul mates? What's your definition? Destiny? The one person out there who your supposed to be with? Don't know. But I know I've found the one for me. We are both a bit odd in general, so the chances of the two of us finding each other are astronomical. We spend pretty much 24/7/365 together, we work together, perform together, make art together, and are still best friends who haven't run out of things to talk about. But we still are somehow able to maintain seperate identities and give each other freedom. We're two people cut from the same cloth. Is it written in the stars that we should be together? I don't know, I can't read star writting. I just know that I found what some would call my "soulmate". I only know our love is on a molecular level. Most relationships do fail, but from what I've seen that has as much to do with ego and insecurities than compatability. We're all insane. You just have to find someone with compatable insanity. For some it never happens and that gives the illusion of an impossible fairy tale that doesn't exist. We just got lucky and ended up in the same place at the same time and at the right time in both of our lives.

[OrganizedKhaos]

^ IS beautiful beyond compare.
The two of you seem SO perfect for one another.

I dont know why this is, but it DOES seem that certain people are predestined to meet each other OR like DM said, cut from the same cloth.

DB and me, used to say that we fit together like an Escher Woodcutting.

I think that media's influence on this topic has left society a bit battered and abused. Do I believe that there's someone out there for everyone? Oh hell no.

BUT that kind of pursuance, can drive one mad.
ALSO, JUST as dangerous of a notion, is the bullshit, that there are lots of compatible mates out there....

This way of thinking can also be just as maddening.

For someone who has the "alarm" sounding within to find a mate... they may do whatever it takes to make it work with the mate they're with.
Only to be crushed, and torn apart when the relationship eventually runs its course.

This whole topic is extremely complicated.
All I know is, that even though we're all similar, we're also very unique, and compatibility isn't easily predicted.

Upon meeting, two people may feel an instant attraction, and totally compatible, just to have the differences drive them apart, that they don't see in one another until the third or forth week, or year.... whatever.

When I met my husband, I'd given up on the hope there was someone out there for me because the longing within was enormous, and was very painful. I was with a guy I'd had a thing with for on and off for over 5 years. We loved each other, (he loved me more than I loved him... in *that* way)
My NOW husband, was with his NOW EX fiance (JZ), for two years, and they were trying to have kids together. DB and JZ were raised in Michigan, only to have moved to Kentucky (in a neighboring county to mine) a couple months earlier. To go to college.
My ex, JW, had a class with DB's ex, JZ.... they decided to jam together in a garage band. Two weeks before I met my soul mate... his ex woke up one morning, and looked at DB, and said, you know, after two years, we should be a lot closer than what we are... WITH THAT, she left him and never looked back. I met him two weeks later, the attraction was INSTANT... we spent the entire week together, and we were married less than 6 months later.

When we met, we were both terrified to get involved the way our hearts were tugging for one another, but why fight it when it feels so right.

[Raza]

No. I don't believe in souls, leaving the idea of soul-mates somewhat baseless.

But even in a naturalistic sense, I don't believe in 'one true love'; nor any distinction between plain love as it is experienced and a superior form of 'true love', period; nor that there for every person there is necessarily one and/or only one perfectly compatible partner out there.

I do believe that romances should sensibly be started based on far-reaching personal compatibility - on shared principles, interests, ethics, passions - and that if you find someone like that it is wise to embrace the opportunity and hold on to in spite of emotional spurs and whims that might prove short-term yet challenging obstacles to it. However, I do not believe that you should necessarily restrict the intimacy of this sort of fundamental partnership to a single person - monogamy is a redundant and destructive product of social norms, of negative emotion rationalized and fortified into tradition and moralism.

[DonkeyMoses]

No. I don't believe in souls, leaving the idea of soul-mates somewhat baseless.

But even in a naturalistic sense, I don't believe in 'one true love'; nor any distinction between plain love as it is experienced and a superior form of 'true love', period; nor that there for every person there is necessarily one and/or only one perfectly compatible partner out there.

I do believe that romances should sensibly be started based on far-reaching personal compatibility - on shared principles, interests, ethics, passions - and that if you find someone like that it is wise to embrace the opportunity and hold on to in spite of emotional spurs and whims that might prove short-term yet challenging obstacles to it. However, I do not believe that you should necessarily restrict the intimacy of this sort of fundamental partnership to a single person - monogamy is a redundant and destructive product of social norms, of negative emotion rationalized and fortified into tradition and moralism.

You sound a bit like a man who, after i just ate a ham sandwich, is telling me that he doesn't beleive in ham sandwiches.
Who "sensibly" starts a romance? The best romance starts itself. I wasn't looking for it when it hit me and neither was she. No, I don't beleive that there's one person for everyone and you have to find them. In fact, if my wife and I had met several years earlier we wouldn't have hooked up. Partially because of circumstances, and partially because neither one of us was in a place in our heads to deal with having a real long term serious relationship. We both might have met someone else further down the line and be living in bliss in another place. Or still roaming the romance market. But, as I've said before, the chances of us having found each other, whose personalities nest together so perfectly, at just the right time in our lives is fairly astronomical. It didn't happen to me untill I was 29, sometimes it never happens. That's why most people don't believe that it happens at all. But the universe is chaos, so the improbable does occur. If you want it too badly you'll try to force it on whatever potentially pleasent but short term relationship you might be in, project the image of your percieved "the one" and not get to know who that person really is. Then when you find out for real your hopes and dreams are dashed to bits leaving you heart broken and jaded for the next one unless you are observant enough to break the pattern. Just have fun with whoever you're with regardless of who you think you may be in the future.
We have our obstacles, no one is PERFECTLY perfect for each other, but you deal with that and get over it if there is mature and honest communication. You have to have your hands on your ego rather than your ego having it's hands on you.
There is definately a difference between platonic love, average run-o-the mill relationship love and oh-my-god-I-didn't-think-you-really-existed "true" love. The kind where you want to grow old with this person and start building a life together. Many years go by and it only gets more intense and the sex just gets better. The kind of thing that makes unconventional freaks like us who have rejected many "redundant and destructive product of social norms, of negative emotion rationalized and fortified into tradition and moralism" but still decide to be married. This isn't the 50's.
And I didn't say we were monogamous, but that's another conversation.
So I can see believing something you haven't experienced doesn't exist, but there are a few on this board who have and are currently experiencing this and have been for a number of years. So there.

[episode allah]

Lovers are best friends that fuck. You can have best friends that you don't fuck and they're called friends and you can fuck people that you're not friends with and that’s called a shag. There are no soulmates because love itself is just a procreative function.

Apart from this, the idea of soulmates only makes sense if a) you believe in souls and therefore b) believe in some benevolent organizing principle which actually cares as much about our happiness as about how many children we have.

I think that the term 'soulmates' is misleading since most people that believe in soulmates understand it as ‘the best possible match that they can find in their lifetime without looking all that hard‘ and personally, I don't see what that’s got to do with 'souls'.

[OrganizedKhaos]

There is definately a difference between platonic love, average run-o-the mill relationship love and oh-my-god-I-didn't-think-you-really-existed "true" love. The kind where you want to grow old with this person and start building a life together. Many years go by and it only gets more intense and the sex just gets better.


......... but there are a few on this board who have and are currently experiencing this and have been for a number of years. So there.

I couldn't agree with this statement more!!!
AND YES, me and DB, CK and M (some dear friends) AND DM and S.... there are three couples that very clearly state that they've found their soul mate, and have blurred lines of "monogamy" so by saying they've found EVERYTHING in the other person....AND likes the company of others.... fits into every one of these couples.

AND doesnt reflect that there's something LACKING.
There may be outsiders close to ALL the couples that may say they ARENT soul mates or whatever, but only the couple can HONESTLY judge for themselves.

I *knew* the second I FIRST laid eyes on my love that he was my other half.
With CK and M, DM and S, they had met yrs before, and once reunited, they were locked together from then on out....

Eh, I dont think soul mates are for everyone, and those who have them, recognize how special this is, and never take it for granted.

[DonkeyMoses]

Ok, here it is. The Wikipedia definition of soulmate:
Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mysticalconnotations.
One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

No, I don't neccesarily believe in that. I just understand that it's possible to find your perfect match and be very deeply in love, to an extent to which I am still plumbing the depths. Will we live happily ever after? Who the fuck knows? We're here now.

[VoltaireBlue]

I just understand that it's possible to find your perfect match and be very deeply in love, to an extent to which I am still plumbing the depths.

okay, now this I can actually get behind. I just don't believe in only one perfect match for each person. I think there are many. I happen to be with someone who makes me very happy. we have been together almost ten years. but if we ever broke up, who's to say that that I would never find someone that i would love like that again? I believe the possibilities are endless.

[Bacchus88]

maybe and no..... or that fact one looks to hard... or that fact one is lonily..

[Vexbeast]

One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

XD

Well, actually, that's not technically a theory. The concept Aristophanes presented in the symposium was actually made in jest, and is simply commonly believed to be an actual theory. Much like Marie Antoinette is almost always misquoted as having said, "Let them eat cake." (Nope, that one's not true either.)


As for me, I've never understood the concept of a soulmate. O__o
The way I see it, is it's basically saying, "This person crosses the invisible line of compatibility with me, which, though it -passed- the line which determines whether or not I love this person, is somehow relevant to me and I attach unmeasurable sentiment to it because of -INSERT UNKNOWN REASON X HERE-."

<.<

O__________o

I don't get it.


Oh, that being said, I'm deeply in love with someone I'd gladly call my soulmate. Even if I have no definition of the word and don't understand the sentimental value it holds for others.

Such is love~

[Raza]

You sound a bit like a man who, after i just ate a ham sandwich, is telling me that he doesn't beleive in ham sandwiches.
Who "sensibly" starts a romance? The best romance starts itself. I wasn't looking for it when it hit me and neither was she. No, I don't beleive that there's one person for everyone and you have to find them. In fact, if my wife and I had met several years earlier we wouldn't have hooked up. Partially because of circumstances, and partially because neither one of us was in a place in our heads to deal with having a real long term serious relationship. We both might have met someone else further down the line and be living in bliss in another place. Or still roaming the romance market. But, as I've said before, the chances of us having found each other, whose personalities nest together so perfectly, at just the right time in our lives is fairly astronomical. It didn't happen to me untill I was 29, sometimes it never happens. That's why most people don't believe that it happens at all. But the universe is chaos, so the improbable does occur. If you want it too badly you'll try to force it on whatever potentially pleasent but short term relationship you might be in, project the image of your percieved "the one" and not get to know who that person really is. Then when you find out for real your hopes and dreams are dashed to bits leaving you heart broken and jaded for the next one unless you are observant enough to break the pattern. Just have fun with whoever you're with regardless of who you think you may be in the future.

I started my romance quite sensibly; after half a year of being sexually intimate and partying companions - after half a year of learning that our ideals and desires matched up nigh-perfectly - we decided to allow ourselves to fall in love, and did.

Now, I realise that everyone boasts a different degree of control over such things (and frankly, most don't match mine), but an effort should at least be made to be realistic about your potential together and leave your retreats covered accordingly. Like you just said, imagining that everyone you fall for is 'the one' leads to hurt - either repeated, or replaced by cynicism that obstructs further romantic satisfaction. This doesn't have to mean inhibiting your fun with people that aren't perfect, it just means deciding how far you're really ready to go with them and being wary of letting yourself get rushed into more, not even so much by your own impulses (since following these will at least be rewarding, however unwise they may turn out to be) but by all the modern fairytale requirements of what constitutes a 'proper' relationship and how one is supposed to act and believe when involved in one.

There is definately a difference between platonic love, average run-o-the mill relationship love and oh-my-god-I-didn't-think-you-really-existed "true" love. The kind where you want to grow old with this person and start building a life together. Many years go by and it only gets more intense and the sex just gets better. The kind of thing that makes unconventional freaks like us who have rejected many "redundant and destructive product of social norms, of negative emotion rationalized and fortified into tradition and moralism" but still decide to be married. This isn't the 50's.
And I didn't say we were monogamous, but that's another conversation.
So I can see believing something you haven't experienced doesn't exist, but there are a few on this board who have and are currently experiencing this and have been for a number of years. So there.

True and false by different definitions, so I'm afraid we'll have to delve into semantics here.

A distinction needs to be made between the emotions involved in love, in a purely neurological/psychological sense, and the structures of convictions, memories and intellectual implications we tie to them when they're placed in the real-world context of our lives. In the first sense, love is love; the release of certain neurotransmitters and their reception by our consciousness. In the second sense, many details and variations will exist in the way by which an individual - our lover - triggers these releases; in how sustainable or repeatable the conditions that provide satisfaction are; in how well they can be isolated from triggers of less pleasant feelings; in how internally consistent and long-term believable the convictions we rationalize our infatuation by are; and in what ethical context we place our feelings, how they make us want to act and how worthwhile or damaging these actions may be in their own right.

A 'perfect' (or nearly perfect) relationship isn't different from a run-off-the-mill crush in any quality inherent to the 'love' involved - it is different because the conditions under which this love is felt are sustainable or even cumulative in nature, and synergistic with what else we may and may not appreciate in life. The feelings experienced at any given interval of the relationship cannot tell us which is which (although generally any intensive experience of affection will try to convince you otherwise), only practical intellectual insight can. These insights may be satisfying to make and be rewarded by more feelings of love, but the love itself is still just more of the same, under better conditions.

[DonkeyMoses]

...and mutton on Sundays....

[jonny.illuminati]

...and mutton on Sundays....

only on sunday? mayhaps perchance a "mutton monday" only 'cause it rhymes... i think on the pirate ship mutton was on mondays...

[DonkeyMoses]

I preffer Sunday mutton. Monday's mutton is full of woe.

[jonny.illuminati]

I preffer Sunday mutton. Monday's mutton is full of woe.

oh right... i forgot about that incident joe had with the albatross on mutton muday...