Was it worth it to be you?

[Mindgames]

Something off the back of the time travel thread and a friend's comment...

Many of us are happily different to the 'normal' ideas of appearance, fashion, lifestyle etc. - but how much has that drive to be true to yourself impacted on your life? Would you have 'done better' if you looked like everyone else, and would you tone things down to get your missed chances if you had your time over?


Personally I'm sure people have avoided me because of how I looked, so there are bound to have been opportunities missed. Would that push me into a suit and tie? No. I'd rather be remembered for being me than forgotten for being another suit, even if that means the house is a lot smaller.

[Bondage Clown]

I do look like everyone else... Yet, I can never seem to be in enough places at the right times.

[athenahollow]

Actually, I met more people and had more opportunities because of the way I dress and look. I guess I've been lucky.

[soma_stardust]

yes, lucky...
i like me the way i am.
i wish i had been the me i am now sooner.
i used to be so the straight-laced person. it fucking sucked.
i almost became suv-driving soccer mom D:
but moving to the east coast got me away from my old friends and family influences enough so that i could find my true freaky self. modelling didn't hurt, either. i'm just in a constant state of flux, i don't know who i'll be in the future, but i'm changing all the time and i love it. keeps shit interesting.
oh and yeah it's worth it because, well... i was boring and had no friends or opportunities before. now i'm interesting with no friends and opportunities!

[Mr Karl]

most people have no selves to be true to........................not really sure what your asking

[Lady Alias]

Definitely missed opportunities, though that may be more due to an extreme social anxiety thing.

Still wouldn't change a thing.

[Wickedanima]

I tend to be disliked on site regardless of fashion/hair/normalcy ...

Whatever opportunities I've missed, its been because I have a huge attitude and social awkwardness, not because of my lifestyle choices.

[homicidal_kiss]

i like myself. i don't mind people thinking i'm a stupid youngin' that likes pain or something. it's all overshadowed when someone comes up to me on the street and asks me about my tattoos or gauges with genuine curiosity and interest and appreciation.

who knows, maybe one day "our kind" will be treated equally. lol.

[Amelia G]

Depends what day you ask me. Pre-internet, I would have resoundingly said yes. But the internet has changed so much of the nature of what I thought I was sacrificing for . . . well, in 2008, it depends what day you ask me.

[incog]

For every person who called me names out a car window when I walked down the street, I have made so much money for being me that it would be hard to complain.

[aXa]

my only real complaint is the trouble finding jobs looking "strange and unusual," not good jobs but more the sucky low paying ones that give you enough experience to get something better later on. growing up and living in a small town meant that my reputation of being weird or a freak often would precede me and prevent me from ever having a chance. totally despite what i looked like!

[MorningStar]

I've moved around the country a lot in my life and I'm surprised to say L.A. is one of the most conservative cities I've lived in. I've toned down my look considerably since moving here. I feel how I looked when I did move here hurt my chances of getting the work I wanted.
Looking back on my past I know I would have gotten farther if I had looked more normal.
Was it worth it? At the time I didn't really give a shit. Now its a different story. Sacrifices had to be made.

[YoungSoulRebel]

Something off the back of the time travel thread and a friend's comment...

Many of us are happily different to the 'normal' ideas of appearance, fashion, lifestyle etc. - but how much has that drive to be true to yourself impacted on your life? Would you have 'done better' if you looked like everyone else, and would you tone things down to get your missed chances if you had your time over?

I've come to the conclusion that I'm not allowed to look like everybody else. In comparision to how I've looked in the past, I currently look more "normal" than ever since I was maybe 12, but people still recognise me from when my hair was purple, had a Mohawk cut to the quick, before several radical weight fluctuations, and before having cantaloupe-sized growths removed; people who haven't seen me in seven years still recognise me with different hair, different clothes, different glasses, different harder physical characteristics..... It's bizarre.

The only areas where I'd want to "look like everybody else" are usually covered by clothing, and that may actually make my life easier in some areas but have no effect on others. Whatever. I wouldn't be happy at a regular job, anyway.

[keiko]

i am never been happier to be me than when i think of the fact that i'm not everyone else. yeah i could have "straightened up and flown right" and lived an empty cookie cutter life, and be just as miserable as everyone else. but then i look at all i have here and now. yeah i'm broke beyond all belief, yeah i'm living in a friend's basement. but i'm happy, and if you ask me that's all that matters.

~K

[Morning Glory]

aw, well said K.

[Amelia G]

I've moved around the country a lot in my life and I'm surprised to say L.A. is one of the most conservative cities I've lived in. I've toned down my look considerably since moving here. I feel how I looked when I did move here hurt my chances of getting the work I wanted.
Looking back on my past I know I would have gotten farther if I had looked more normal.
Was it worth it? At the time I didn't really give a shit. Now its a different story. Sacrifices had to be made.

Nice meeting you in the flesh last night!

What sorts of things in Los Angeles did you find made it hard to look how you wanted?

I have found myself giving in somewhat to subtle pressures in LA in a way that overt pressures would never have been able to influence me. There is sort of the attitude that, yes, it is fine for someone to show up in their underwear with weird makeup and funny colored hair, but then the list of roles they are allowed to play is somehow more limited. Given that I made a lot of sacrifices to get to grow up and still fly my weirdo flag, it bums me out when I feel like, if I wear what I want, I'll get bitchy competitive nonsense and poor performance from models and just not be taken seriously by businesspeople.

[Mindgames]

yes, it is fine for someone to show up in their underwear with weird makeup and funny colored hair, but then the list of roles they are allowed to play is somehow more limited

Governor of California.

[Morning Glory]

Governor of California.

I think that has to do with his (lack of) acting ability, more than his choice of dress.

[TheDeathKnight]

I've moved around the country a lot in my life and I'm surprised to say L.A. is one of the most conservative cities I've lived in. I've toned down my look considerably since moving here. I feel how I looked when I did move here hurt my chances of getting the work I wanted.
Looking back on my past I know I would have gotten farther if I had looked more normal.
Was it worth it? At the time I didn't really give a shit. Now its a different story. Sacrifices had to be made.

Same thing here. I had long hair and all that crazy stuff in high school and college. But once I hit the LA work scene, I had to get a haircut and dress more normally to get ahead. Once you establish yourself with skills and job experience you can go back to your crazy look. It also depends a lot on what industry you want to work in. But even in the movie business, web business, or porn, or whatever, they will still look at a sharply dressed person as being more likely to show up on time, be smart, and do their job correctly. There is a general predisposition to assuming that if you look like a freak, you are more likely to be a drug user, a flaky individual, etc. Even if they are cool with people who look like that, they don't always want to hire them as their company's accountant. If you want to be a porn star or rock star, then it's probably fine to look that way. But in most other industries, you will do better if you look at least somewhat normal. At least until you get yourself some experience. Then you can let your work speak for itself...

[Raza]

Could anything be worth not being me?

[Morning Glory]

I suppose that it doesn't really matter if I was anyone else; I can't say that being "me" has been very successful. But then again being yourself never is, no matter who you are, you have to be fake. Of course it makes you wonder about the nature of reality if there are enough fake people that they become the real ones and everyone else becomes the fakers. See? it would be better not to think about these things. Ignorance isn't bliss, it's just apathy.

[keiko]

Could anything be worth not being me?

exactly.

~K

[TheDeathKnight]

I don't think "conforming" to some of society's norms means you are being fake, or not being yourself. Sometimes you adapt or adjust your behavior at certain times, in order to get ahead in life. In some ways, I think "acting" a specific way at a job is part of what they are paying you for. To act polite, professional, etc. You have a decent amount of time to be totally "yourself" after work, on the weekends, etc. I guess this issue bugs me a little bit, because I see a few of my friends struggle with finding work, because they choose to be heavily tattooed, colored hair, etc. I think all that stuff is fine, but I also understand that employers generally prefer a different kind of look. And I just don't think it's that big of a deal to change things up a bit, if it means you get to have money to pay the bills, have a decent life, car, etc...

[VoltaireBlue]

my life has been many things, but I wouldn't trade even one second of it; not even the really shitty parts, and there were a lot of really shitty parts, but I lived. the sum of my experiences has made me who I am today...... today I am both happy and grateful for everything that I have.

[athenahollow]

my life has been many things, but I wouldn't trade even one second of it; not even the really shitty parts, and there were a lot of really shitty parts, but I lived. the sum of my experiences has made me who I am today...... today I am both happy and grateful for everything that I have.

That's exactly how I feel about my life. I refuse to regret, because I feel, that as long as you learn something from your experiences in life, it's not a lost cause.

[VoltaireBlue]

the things that don't kill you only make you stronger.

[Amelia G]

the things that don't kill you only make you stronger.

Nietzchian (sp or did I make that word up?) group hug!

[Buster Friendly]

In the sense of the original question- Yes it has always been worth it to have been "me". Even now that flying my freak flag on the outside is less important to me than simply pursuing my goals with minimum distraction.

On the other hand I also happen to be a dick.

So in the sense that I have cause others more trouble than I needed to, and thus generated more trouble for myself than was necessary, then no. I hasn't been worth it to have been me sometimes. There have been times when I could have been less of a bastard, kept my mouth shut, stifled my contrarian impulses, or just left well enough alone, and things would have been much better for everyone involved.

But I didn't.

So fuck you all.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

At work, I am nothing like me. A corporate fuckin' sellout. But papa's gotta make the dough.

Do I feel bad about that? Nope.

As long as when I'm not at work, I get to be me. I actually go to great lengths to achieve that to.

[Morning Glory]

I don't think "conforming" to some of society's norms means you are being fake, or not being yourself.

well my point was that societies so-called norm is an artificial concept that is no one's true self and everyone who tries to live up to it is being fake by definition. That depends on whether or not that is a bad thing for that person. for some people it might be an improvement. If you're natural inclination is to say "fuck you" whenever you are approached by another human being, then being polite and courteous is better, at least as far as the rest of society is concerned.

I'm still struggling to figure out the whole "I look like a weirdo" thing. I wouldn't mind not looking like a weirdo, because to me that is just something superficial, like you said, a hobby, that doesn't occupy the most of my time or really define who I am as a person or my personality. But then the conflict arises that it then shouldn't matter if I DO look like a weirdo, because it doesn't change anything on my part. I guess you can say what it kinda pisses me off to have to conform to someone else irrational sense of fashion just as a matter of principle. I'd like to know that I could look like a weirdo should I choose to.

[Syn~Ammon]

I don't think I could ever regret the way I look. Maybe there are people that avoid me for it, but if someone can't deal with my dressing weirdly, they'll never get over how weirdly I think. Besides, I try to avoid regretting the past. It's a useless exercise. On the other hand, if I'm trying to get a job, I can play dress up for a little while. I'm still myself the rest of the time.

[mystoo]

I'm happy with who I am. If someone else has a problem with me, well...at least it's not my problem.

[MorningStar]

Nice meeting you in the flesh last night!

What sorts of things in Los Angeles did you find made it hard to look how you wanted?

I have found myself giving in somewhat to subtle pressures in LA in a way that overt pressures would never have been able to influence me. There is sort of the attitude that, yes, it is fine for someone to show up in their underwear with weird makeup and funny colored hair, but then the list of roles they are allowed to play is somehow more limited. Given that I made a lot of sacrifices to get to grow up and still fly my weirdo flag, it bums me out when I feel like, if I wear what I want, I'll get bitchy competitive nonsense and poor performance from models and just not be taken seriously by businesspeople.

It was nice meeting you too!

That's exactly how I feel.Except for the showing up in my underwear part...
I think The Death Knight said it better about the preconceived notions this town has.

"they will still look at a sharply dressed person as being more likely to show up on time, be smart, and do their job correctly. There is a general predisposition to assuming that if you look like a freak, you are more likely to be a drug user, a flaky individual, etc. Even if they are cool with people who look like that, they don't always want to hire them as their company's accountant."

I came here looking to move into sales and marketing and found L.A. to be just as or more conservative than other cities I'd lived in.
"I love your look!"
I think its great that you look the way you do."
.... but they still wouldn't hire me.

[Mindgames]

People assume LA has to be ultra-liberal because it happens to have a chunk of the movie business, but CA in general is as conservative as you can get. It's all in the geography.

Pushing out West with your wagon and a disinterested cow, you probably stopped in Kansas and parked. Godfearin missionary types struggled on to Utah, but only the Chuck Norrises of bible-bashing nation-conquering homesteaders made it as far as California. People who considered luxuries like water and food to be the Work of The Devil, sent to lure the weak from their journey towards The Promised Land, free from the evil and lust of the cities of the East, with their out and out irreverence and spatterings of Irish..

Then in 1920, someone made the mistake of toning down the prayin and preachin for a few minutes, and the damn actors arrived.

[TheDeathKnight]

Well, when I first was starting in the work world, and dressed and looked fairly normal, I was still dressing up in crazy outfits and makeup every weekend when I would go out. So I was getting plenty of chances to be my own freaky, weird, creative self. But I don't feel like I *need* to do that all the time. Even now that I have gotten to a position where I can have tattoos and weird hair and stuff, I still don't go totally wild and crazy with my look just to go to the grocery store. To me, it's fine to look that way part of the time. But I don't need to do it constantly. So to me, cutting back on that stuff to get ahead in my career was not a huge sacrifice, because I did not stop having interesting friends, or going to interesting clubs, or listening to interesting music. I just feel that some people get too focused on having to be the outsider, or having to be the most "hardcore" or "extreme". So the idea of them taking out their piercings, or not getting facial tattoos, etc, is ruining their sense of self-worth as being the most "crazy" person in their town, or in the scene, or whatever. But that lack of ability to tone it down prevents them from having a successful career life outside of being a musician or tattoo artist or something along those lines.

[Amelia G]

is it just me or is the thread title really fucking depressing...

This thread is food for thought, but, as everything you've posted today was uber-negative, I'm going to go with, it's just you. Hope you feel better.

[jonny.illuminati]

i've been me for 40 years now... sometimes i lived a double life... i might have looked like a soldier on the outside, but my mind has always been a freak....

i did have to hide some of my ink and piercings over the years... military regulations have changed so many times i can't remember anymore what is "not allowed"

life tried to kill me.... i beat it... and i am stronger...

i'm going to be one hell of a tattooed pierced doctor... so if your doc thinks your a freak come see me...

[TheDeathKnight]

Sometimes I think people want society to change overnight.

So if you were born in the 1700's, would you be able to change
people's minds about this same stuff? Nope. If you wanted to
"be yourself", they would burn you at the stake. You had to go
to church, and women had to stay home and raise children.

We've come along way, but we still have a long way to go.
I'd say that in America, we have about 25% of the country
who are "ok" with freaks. But about 75% of it is not cool with
it at all. So if you want to do well in America, it's easier to
not be so "in your face" about that stuff. Ideally, in 20 or
30 years, we will be the old people, and our kids will be
doing that stuff, and we won't be offended by it.

It just so happens that we are a little "ahead of our time" in that regard.

But there is nothing you can do about all the old people in positions of power, who have nothing but suspicion and contempt for people who look different. It's more likely they will just die off, rather than change their minds... But I don't think the next generation will have the same prejudices about those kind of things...