I'm no doctor, but it rather sounds like you're suffering from
postpartum depression.
In short, you need to find a qualified mental health professional and get some help. You deserve to get help, and your son needs, wants, and deserves his mother.
I'm not sure what resources are available to you, but a Google search on
"postpartum depression" turned up, as the first link, a site that appears promising:
PSI: Postpartum Support International.
From their site:
You've taken a huge step: You've asked us for help. Give yourself a
lot of credit for that!
Your next step should be to find a doctor or a counselor or a
support group to talk to.
(And please: If you ever feel like you're about to harm yourself or your son,
please go to the emergency room. They will help you.)
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