Do you have friends you don't chat with all the time?

[Scar]

Do you have friends you don't chat with all the time? Perhaps those people you fall in and out of touch with, but when you do talk it's totally comfortable, and you just pick up where you left off?

I find some friends define their "best" friends by who is most available to keep them company, who is physically present. I find my best friends to be people who are concious of the fact that I may be more or less available to talk with them sometimes, because of what's going on in my life, and don't take offense at it. People who can hang out with me every week for months on end and then be OK with it if I am working wierd hours and can't chat for a while.

The things that keep a friendship alive for me are..... having stuff in common, or being able to relate despite our differences. Being there to listen but not to be a verbal pin cushion. Trusting that person's advice because you know they have your best interest in mind. Trust in general. Ability to be quiet around each other sometimes without it feeling awkward. Being able to forgive someone for fucking up because you know they made a mistake, not a malicious attack towards you...... Being able to talk about things that upset you without coming to the immediate resolution that 'our friendship is over!!!!' Knowing that even when you are mad at the other person it's only temporary, cause you love them, and sometimes you just need a little space :-) The desire to hang out again and again. Love. Never getting bored of doing the same thing, like going to the laundromat together. Handing over your house keys without a moment of doubt. Being OK with hearing them cry. Reveling in their happiness with them. Wishing them the best even if it means they wont be around as much. And on and on and on and on......

[keiko]

Unless you count Rob almost none of my close friends live anywhere near me. My closest good friend is in Boston. the other in NY.My best friend other than my hunny lives in Germany, second best is on his way back to FL from LA so we can all go to Europe together. Most of my casual friends are in LA. Many of my "best friends" are people that I haven't had the opportunity to get together with in person, so no, we don't chat all the time. But we're still friends. I <3 the interwebz.

~K

[One Eyed Cat]

I've resumed friendships after 7-10 year hiatus like it was the next day. In our hearts, they had never ended. It was just a matter of circumstances and taking different directions.

Conversely, I have chatted with folks who simply gave up on me after even a hint of so called "drama" arising. To me, it is far far worse to maintain a passive-aggressive stance or end a friendship summarily than to work things out.

I can be very forgiving when mutual efforts are being made. I need to only maintain friendships with people who are capable of the same.

JT

[Donald Rilea]

Would have to say that my experience of friendship is roughly a combination of all three approaches out-lined above. There are people with whom I might not exchane e-mail correspondence, on-line chats or telephone calls for months at a time, but, I'm always glad to hear from them, whenever I do, and vice versa.

Ultimately, I guess it's both how I "click" or not with someone, and how much time and effort it is to me and them to maintain the friendship over time and distance.