Sit down and tell me all about it.. or not...

[Mindgames]

It's not often I feel the need to post on here about an article in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (for 'not often' read 'never'), but this one got me thinking:

Researchers from Buffalo surveyed people involved in 9/11 and compared the levels of PTSD, depression and readaption between those who'd been promoted to talk through their experiences, and those who'd bottled it all up. Turns out the silent ones fared significantly better than expected, which questions the current populist policy of forcing everyone to 'open up' about trauma almost before the fires are out. For some, it will help - but for others it can make their recovery far more difficult. Public media campaigns to reach out to survivors often make it seem that to keep your emotions to yourself is damaging; even to the point of being a clinical problem in its own right. If you don't want to be on Oprah, you must be sick.

I never agree with any one-plan-for-all idea (personally I'm an avid bottler and get on just fine TYVM) - but how about you peeps? Have you found it helpful to talk about traumatic events in your past, or do you think you coped better being left to process it internally?


(and if that question is too traumatic to answer, try another article from this month's issue which claims that data from a sample of college students "suggest that 21st birthday drinking poses an extreme danger". Shockingly, it seems 4 out of 5 people drink on their 21st birthday. I'm aghast, frankly. What happened to the other guy?)

[Morning Glory]

I kinda like making other people feel bad by having to listen to me.

see?I probably share too much.

[VoltaireBlue]

I deffinetly proccess better internally. It comes from years of mistrust and broken trust with other people. I've learned that the only person that can help me is me.

[One Eyed Cat]

It doesn't help much to speak about directly. The way I deal with it: I process it internally. What I share tends to be bits and pieces of a puzzle. It's a balancing act. You process internally, yet you never deny. You have to be true to the experiences. I don't know if that will completely makes sense.

One note I will make: When people try to get you to detail traumatic events, be very weary. They may well use it against you. They'll fill you with rage. I never ask people to detail things. It is often self-evident what they experienced. The events have different flavors and degrees of trauma. The tightrope wire they walk is the same. Respect that and you can have a productive association.

OEC

[VoltaireBlue]

When people try to get you to detail traumatic events, be very weary. They may well use it against you.

OEC

like I said, years of mistrust and broken trust with people. If I try to tell someone what's bothering me, it usually makes no sense.

[One Eyed Cat]

like I said, years of mistrust and broken trust with people. If I try to tell someone what's bothering me, it usually makes no sense.

Or they'll try to make it mean something it doesn't.

[VoltaireBlue]

Or they'll try to make it mean something it doesn't.

fucking totally.

[One Eyed Cat]

fucking totally.

Everybody wants a part in the grand story as it were.

[OliX]

I guess I'm lucky to not have any traumatic memories. Strange thing, I had a situations where others would break and fall apart but mostly I tend to get over it easily. I guess all those years of near people dying and moving around hardened me.

I almost forgot. Love is cure for all

[Amelia G]

I personally heal much much better when I can talk to someone, but I'm generally only comfortable talking about something traumatic with someone who knows the general situation and can be trusted, like OEC said, not to make it into something different or bigger than what it is.

This is especially difficult with the advent of the internet where an indiscreet or vindictive "friend" can so easily have access to feeding misinformation to so many people.

I think the article touches on something interesting because I know if I commiserate with some people I know, it makes the situation more painful for them and then there is no healing in the talking about it for anyone involved.

[Mr Karl]

not much point dwelling on an experience over which one had basically no control over...............might as well just get one with life

[Amelia G]

This is actually one of the only areas where people feel there is a gender difference, but I come up female in the analysis.

[Mindgames]

This is actually one of the only areas where people feel there is a gender difference...

There's a socially-imposed gender bias but not an innate one. Females are conditioned to talk, men are conditioned to fight through it all strong-n-silent, but there's no neurological basis for a stiff upper lip. There's botox though...

For info (as Mark Seery's article isn't available online yet), their study concentrated on indirect trauma (the collective empathy effect) so the respondents hadn't lost a family member in 9/11 but had been exposed to the events either through the media or through being in the area at the time, and had indicated to the researchers that it had a significant negative emotional impact on their lives. The dataset showed that those who chose not to discuss their feelings suffered the least psychological or physical detriment, and of those who did talk, those who said the most also had the worst recovery. My interest, stretching back to the foggy past when I owned a couch, and the reason for the question I posed to you, is in the process of detachment - there's a point in PT adaption when the events switch from emotional, "current" memory to the factual, historical memory - the subject still remembers the event but can process it objectively as a third party.

You may have been in a fight at school, but by now you'll be able to remember it without feeling the same fear you felt at the time. Something with a very high emotional threshold or something reinforced by agreement of others will often attach inclusive of the emotion - for example being attacked by a dog can make you scared of dogs for life, but being attacked by a kid in school doesn't make you scared of humans. It's not the actual risk of the attack, it's that society agrees that dogs are more scary.

The proposal is that by talking through events in the immediate aftermath, the emotional significance is strengthened by repetition and is also transferred into historical memory. 'Society' agrees with your brain that this is important and should be imprinted strongly, so instead of helping you to rationalize it and recover, opening-up can lay the foundations of phobia and physical illness.

I deffinetly proccess better internally. It comes from years of mistrust and broken trust with other people. I've learned that the only person that can help me is me.

As do I, but it equally makes me sad when people say they've come to that conclusion from broken trust. Talking within trust is important for everyone, and more so for those of us who don't say a great deal. The value of words is a supply-driven market. I'm less sure of the 'only person that can help me is me' argument - that may be experience-based judgment but you haven't yet met everyone on the planet. I think it's more to do with what goals the process has for each side - if the person you talk with has an agenda, then the participants will reach a compromise rather than what's best for the 'patient'. I never really cared if patients 'connected' or not - it was their decision, and unless they were chopping heads off bunnies it didn't matter to anyone else. I don't have an opinion on the "are friends better than strangers?" question, but I do think the people who seem to help best are the ones who don't think you need any.

Someone who "wants to fix you" will usually fail.

[OrganizedKhaos]

I deal with stuff both internally and externally... depends on the issue and how private it is to me...
Theres somethings I will never tell anyone but my husband.

WHILE theres somethings I'll take to my grave.

[Head Wreck]

I tend to be very transparent, the less i keep locked up the less ammunition people have to use against me, its a habit kept from having to deal with some very underhand caddish people

[OrganizedKhaos]

I totally understand.

I'm sorta selective... and kinda shut in ish

[Bikerpunk]

I agree with VB

but in my case, I'm male. Noone gives a shit about my problems.

[OrganizedKhaos]

I do.

[Head Wreck]

ah, a thunks i have been reminded of (someone asked me how old i was today, and reminded me).

i don't like my birth date public knowledge, the year is fine, just not the month, and defiantly not the day.

i don't suffer fools or backstabber's gladly and people who wish me happy birthday when i know damn well what they say when they think their out of earshot just makes my blood boil as quickly as listening to local radio.

otherwise i'll tell you most things (unless i have been asked not to reveal stuff i'm privy to)

[Dusk]

Shockingly, it seems 4 out of 5 people drink on their 21st birthday. I'm aghast, frankly. What happened to the other guy?)[/SIZE]

they took drugs and passed out.
Over here the legal age is only 18 so I 1 month and 9 days I can drink legally
I have never talked much, unless its to peopple I trust, like my friend James, when I was little I wouldnt even tell my mum when I was hurt or sick, I just delt with it.

[OrganizedKhaos]

I think they sat online pretending to have a life...hahahahah

[Dusk]

Or the couldnt afford the booze

[OrganizedKhaos]

Or had no one to drink with.

[Dusk]

They didnt have anyone to drink with cos no one could aford the alcohol

[One Eyed Cat]

One of my friends has it bad from the Afghan and Iraq war. I just listen. I know I can't save him. There was an antiwar protest in front of the recruiter's office in Pittsburgh. It was right next to a mexican restaurant. Some of the signs were a bit personal. He was joking, but I knew his triggers. I went over, moved the protesters out of my way, and ordered a fat to-go container of nachos. He was laughing when I got back. You can't talk it away. You integrate and deal with it constructively (and hopefully with a bit of humor)

OEC