musicianship=alienation?

[Morning Glory]

has anyone found that it's difficult to become a successful musician and retain/make freinds?
like about three years ago me and my freinds used to talk to andrew from the band Against Me! and when they came up to the big city we hung out after the show and told them to come and play in our town, and they did it. Well now these guys are really big, like they could be on MTV if they wanted to, and they just don't have the initiative to play every single small venue where there's only gonna be 50 kids there anymore.

this is just an example and not everyone is like that, but I got to thinking about it cuz I bumped into a guy from a band that I would really like to talk to about some things, and I know he's a good guy but he has a family and his own shit to deal with and he doesn't have the time to go through 1,000 emails from people.

it just seems like kind of a shame that no matter how humble of a person you are, the more influence you get the less real human relationships you are capable of, it's always going to be you as a rockstar and everyone else as the people that listen to your band.

anyone have any expereinces/thoughts on this?

[Bondage Clown]

I have no thoughts/or experience that matter... but if you would have brought up midgets then I would have something to say

[TheDeathKnight]

It just depends what you are doing with your free time, etc...

When you are an unsuccessful musician, you tend to hang out with your regular friends, go out, do the normal things...

But once you are successful, you have less time for those "regular friends".
And it's not because you don't like them. It's because your time is spent
with all these people who you are dealing with in your "career".

In other words, more time going to dinners with producers,
less time going out with your homies... More time answering
business e-mail, and not as much time answering mails from fans,
friends, etc...

It's just a choice you have to make.

Same thing if you went an moved to a foreign country.
You just can't hang out with your friends as much.
And it affects friendships.
If you can't be around your friends,
things will change while you are gone,
and things will not be the same when you come back.
It's always that way, unless you make a *big* effort to
keep in contact with people...

[keiko]

When I work alot I don't make it out to the clubs cause i got shits to do that keep my career afloat. Musicians have it eve nharder cause they gotta practice and catch crazy flights and talk with record execs and producers adn artist that make the cover art for their albums and maybe if htey have the free time all they really want to do is sleep. Sometimes friendships get put on hold while life goes on but you still think of that person as a friend. When I have nothing on my sched for hte day I call my friends back in fla and catch up. I've seen rockstars do the same. When they get a minute, when there isn't a crisis or a rehersal or a meeting they take a few to themselves and then they call their friends. Unfortunatly it often seems that these few minutes to themselves are few and far between. They haven't forgotten you, I promise, but they're trying to make this thing work and it requires constant attention, kinda like having a kid. That's prolly why so many people referr to their life's work as their baby.
k

[sheramil]

band psychology is very complex. the few bands who've managed to stay together for more than ten years are the exception rather than the rule.

often a band needs a Resident Fascist, or an Alpha Male/Female, who will take charge and determine their direction. otherwise (like the band i was in), no-one does anything and you all just stand around playing musical filler. like an audio screen-saver.

the problems begin when there are two Fascists in a band and they start butting heads.

[TheDeathKnight]

I like the baby analogy...

The same thing happens when a friend has a baby.
They focus on the kid, and aren't around much.

It's not that they dislike you, or don't want to be your friend.
It's just that they no longer have time for the things they used to do...

But it's a choice they made, and they have to live with it, and so do you.
It's the same choice you make if you want to be in a band, etc...

[Morning Glory]

well ok, but suppose that you aren't in a band anymore- then those problems still seem to remain. so is it simply activity or is some kind of a mindset?

[Umbilical Lotus]

If you were in a band that was semi-famous and they aren't anymore, well, the aftermath of fame can be really awkward, as people still sort-of remember you but not quite - you're in a nowhere-land where you aren't really famous anymore but still somewhat are. Or it could just be a learned behavior that continues on. I'm just speculating, really.

My entire family is musicians. I'm the only non-musician of the lot, which gets pretty irritating, but oh well. It's kind of sad how many fresh young musicians focus pretty much SOLELY on getting big - like being famous somehow vidicates their expression. I've always viewed it like this: would you be a musician at all if NO ONE EVER would ever hear you? If no, well, why do it now?