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Thread: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

  1. #1
    and your little dog too
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    Default what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    from usa today

    Man wielding candy cane lawn ornament subdues attacker

    SACRAMENTO (AP) A man using a candy cane lawn ornament fended off a knife-wielding neighbor who had been attacking holiday guests at a Sacramento home.

    Police spokesman Sgt. Norm Leong says the man used the two-foot-tall plastic ornament to subdue the attacker until officers arrived.

    He says the 49-year-old suspect became intoxicated, went over to a neighbor's home on Thanksgiving and began waving a kitchen knife at people gathered on the lawn.

    He cut several peoples' clothing before one of them decided to fight back.

    Police say the man with the knife was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon. The guest who took up the candy cane was not arrested because police determined he acted in self-defense.

  2. #2
    ForrestBlack's Avatar Administrator
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    A snow blower might work well.

  3. #3

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    ...and they call him Sandy...CLLLLAAAWWSSS....

  4. #4
    Mr Karl's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by ForrestBlack
    A snow blower might work well.

    nah, terrible weapon

  5. #5
    Bikerpunk's Avatar Ill-intentioned bad apple
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by ForrestBlack
    A snow blower might work well.
    You are one sick fuck.

    RIGHT ON.

    (I'm thinking Frosty the Snowman meets Dead Alive)

  6. #6
    ForrestBlack's Avatar Administrator
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    I was thinking Fargo... portable.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    pretty sure that was a wood chipper dude.

    but it might work okay I suppose.

    I would go for one of those heavy thick as arm sized candy canes myself. They're nice, and heavy. One use only, it would shatter on impact, but it's heavy enough to cause a concussion possibly. It would be funny though.

  8. #8
    Bondage Clown's Avatar Butter up da Goat
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    I always thought the chainsaw with the Christmas tree sap still wet was a fine weapon, or the Christmas tree lights used a garrote... But my all time favorite weapon would have to bee the FRUITCAKE!

  9. #9
    Rockwulf's Avatar Negatory
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Nah, you take a regular candy cane and suck on it until it becomes pointy as hell. That's when you start shanking elves.

  10. #10

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    rofl wow.

    In our rapier fencing I've been thinking about using the same thing for an off-hand parry weapon.

  11. #11
    Head Wreck's Avatar Dai the Llama
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    tied to a chair in sanatas groto and subjected to 48 hours of the same cheezy 70's christmas songs on repeat

  12. #12
    Mr Karl's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    use an icicle..................weapon disappears

  13. #13

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Use the star from the top of the tree.


  14. #14
    Mr Karl's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by ForrestBlack
    I was thinking Fargo... portable.

    I think you'd jam a snowblower with a body


    snowblowers are for pussies..................real men use a tiger torch

  15. #15

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Those old style Christmas tree stands seem like they would work pretty well.

    Then again, the bad boy's stocking full of coal would be rather fitting as well.

  16. #16
    Tigerlily's Avatar Bang Bang Kiss Die
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Karl
    use an icicle..................weapon disappears
    good thinkin'

  17. #17

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Monster dildo disguised into a candy cane.

  18. #18
    homicidal_kiss's Avatar Random
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rockwulf
    Nah, you take a regular candy cane and suck on it until it becomes pointy as hell. That's when you start shanking elves.
    haha. i hate when candy canes get pointy. they hurt my tongue!

  19. #19
    Rockwulf's Avatar Negatory
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by homicidal_kiss
    haha. i hate when candy canes get pointy. they hurt my tongue!
    You're supposed to lick the sides. Not jam the point into your tongue.

  20. #20
    homicidal_kiss's Avatar Random
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rockwulf
    You're supposed to lick the sides. Not jam the point into your tongue.
    ooooooohhhhh...dang. my bad.

    ditzy natural blonde-ness strikes again!

  21. #21

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Pft. Everyone knows an icicle is the best weapon. The evidence just melts!

  22. #22
    Aza's Avatar Extradimensional Penguin
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Given how many people are killed in car accidents or trampled to death in malls between Black Friday and Christmas Eve, it could conceivably be argued that the Holiday season itself is already a weapon of mass destruction.

    Still, I'm personally fond of those multi-pointed Moravian Stars that people (including my parents) hang from their porch lights in December. Grab and throw for a perforating ranged attack, or add a handle for an instant mace!

    Let's hear it for peace on Earth and and goodwill toward men!

  23. #23
    jonny.illuminati's Avatar hasn't slept for days
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    best holiday weapon...

    black friday stampedes....

    fucking ridiculous that someone was killed in a shopping stampede....

    people are fucking animals!

  24. #24

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Seasonal Attack Pea?

  25. #25
    aXa's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    how about santa himself?

  26. #26
    ForrestBlack's Avatar Administrator
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    You could just choke someone with Christmas lights like BC suggested, and then just hang them off the roof. Everyone would think it was an accident.

  27. #27
    Amelia G's Avatar chick in charge
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by ForrestBlack
    You could just choke someone with Christmas lights like BC suggested, and then just hang them off the roof. Everyone would think it was an accident.

    I guess, if we are going to discuss Xmas weapon attacks, it makes sense to have some good Xmas alibis as well.

  28. #28
    Bacchus88's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    I am simple... an axe then to the snow blower

    Happy Tree Friends... wonderful ideas, but so wrong
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHiwTIBEENM

  29. #29

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bacchus88
    Happy Tree Friends... wonderful ideas, but so wrong
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHiwTIBEENM
    Hawt, too.


  30. #30
    Mr Karl's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    what's with the snowblowers?....................it's way easier to beat someone to death with a snowshovel

  31. #31
    aXa's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Karl
    what's with the snowblowers?....................it's way easier to beat someone to death with a snowshovel
    oww, don't remind me. i took the butt end of a snowshovel in the eye last year. was very unpleasant.

  32. #32
    spyinxxx's Avatar Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    oh oh oh i got it a red hot fire poker blunt force trama with burns any1 then you probly burn the body afterwards un the fireplace dont mind the smell folks its just my roomate eddy, eddy ash...

  33. #33
    Rockwulf's Avatar Negatory
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Guilt.

  34. #34
    Amelia G's Avatar chick in charge
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rockwulf
    Guilt.

    Too traditional.

  35. #35
    Dusk's Avatar Senior Member
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    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Christmas baubles, filled with gunpowder.

  36. #36

    Default Re: what is the best christmas weapon to attack someone with?

    Christmas tree light garout.

    Also it scares the fuck out of me that Raza probably busted big nuts to that picture.

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