Bah! I still cant seem to get a date.

[BrightStar]

Bah!

[CPRB]

BrightStar, you gotta relax, Patience is a virtue and with it will come the dates, but sometimes dude, I wonder, maybe you should take time to figure out you befre you start dating...just so you make the experience a lil more fullfilling..but don't try so hard, and just live life..the dates will come and when they do I wish you the best.

[Slave326667]

You and me both... The romance game is hardly a fair one... curses... CURSES I SAY!

[BrightStar]

BrightStar, you gotta relax, Patience is a virtue and with it will come the dates, but sometimes dude, I wonder, maybe you should take time to figure out you befre you start dating...just so you make the experience a lil more fullfilling..but don't try so hard, and just live life..the dates will come and when they do I wish you the best.

20 years is more than enough time.

I only have done stuff with friends, and the only girlfriend that I had only dated Me for a few weeks, then was scared off by My family.

[CPRB]

dude I lost my virginity at 21....and I am no slouch in the looks catagory..i serioulsy have to ost my pic. relax, honest Brightstar, yer a good person, take your time and stop the fuss. all good things come to those who wait...I still rember whe I lost it....it was good sex and the girl knew what she was doin' as did I, thanks to all the sex books I read and all the trainig I did, I would at this time like to*sniffle* thank.....anyhow dude....you will find somone be yoursefl and you'll do just fine

[BrightStar]

Being Myself is what I do, but that seems to chase people away rather than bring them closer.

[TheQuietPlace]

I feel like a fucking manwhore... i've had more girlfriends than i can count with both my fingers and toes.

[BrightStar]

Bah! Way to rub in the fact that I cant seem to get a date!

[Nautilus]

I feel like a fucking manwhore... i've had more girlfriends than i can count with both my fingers and toes.

Bright Star and Slave-- try loving yourself first. Once you've had some good romance with you, romance with others is easier (in my experience, but I'm no expert). PLUS--go for geeky chicks they're good to go fast and fun to talk to you know what I'm saying? lol

[Tequila Zaire]

Don't overthink it...if you want love and commitement you're gonna have to wait. If you just want to get laid to take the edge off then that's much easier. Now before I spout my million dollar advice...on a scale of 1 to 10...how moral do you think you are?

1 being "Fuck Morality Dude" and 10 being "I'm Worshiped as a Saint in some villages"

[BrightStar]

Don't overthink it...if you want love and commitement you're gonna have to wait. If you just want to get laid to take the edge off then that's much easier. Now before I spout my million dollar advice...on a scale of 1 to 10...how moral do you think you are?

1 being "Fuck Morality Dude" and 10 being "I'm Worshiped as a Saint in some villages"

Depends on the subject, question,etc.

Each case is different.

[TheQuietPlace]

Bright... Trust me... You'll find your one and only I think i may have found mine... but im too young to know for sure. Just stick to your gut instinct. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be.

~TQP

[Tequila Zaire]

Depends on the subject, question,etc.

Each case is different.

All right...well what do you want? To get laid or find love? Personally I think you need to get laid...then you can find love.

[BrightStar]

All right...well what do you want? To get laid or find love? Personally I think you need to get laid...then you can find love.

Well. Both

[TheQuietPlace]

A nice night of romance kind of laid, or hooker laid?

[Tequila Zaire]

Well. Both

Not a a valid answer...pick one. Remember you are a GUY...sex and love are two diffrent things for us.

I'll word it better...what do you think most about...relationship stuff or sex?

[Tequila Zaire]

A nice night of romance kind of laid, or hooker laid?

At this point you really think he should get picky?

[TheQuietPlace]

At this point you really think he should get picky?

hahahaha i ono

[BrightStar]

Depends on the person.


I want to do stuff in General, but it is more fun when It is with somebody I care about.

I would prefer a relationship where that features, but the other is ok for now.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! There is no specific way to answer in the way I mean.************Runs in circles and howls at the moon****************

[TheQuietPlace]

Bright... Open up to girls, tell them about yourself...and dont let them near your family. Just relaxxxxxxxxxx even if it HAS been that long it hasn't been 20 years that you've been into girls

[graecona]

Bah!

are you a guy?? just askin',

[BrightStar]

are you a guy?? just askin',

Yes, why?

[Tequila Zaire]

Well what's the social scene were you are? Where do gals your age...or people in general really...hang out?

[BrightStar]

No clue. either way, almost everybody around here seems to already be dating somebody.

[Tequila Zaire]

Well then find out man...can't find a woman if you don't hang around where they are socially. They don't just come knockin on your door out of the blue...well sometimes they do but that's a rarity...

Head out...talk to women...and lern what works and what doesn't. Be yourself...but don't be yourself as a creepy bastard. Gotta play the game just a bit at the start of it all.

If all else fails...lie...and lie in ways that actually come off as legit. Granted it won't get you love but at least you'll ge laid. Yeah I know women here will say that's a horrible thing to do...but women lie to so screw it and have some fun as you learn your way around.

[BrightStar]

I dont lie.

[purplepixie]

not worth it ive only been dateing for the last year before then i was a social retard with no friends since then ive been out with 6 guys and theyve all treated me like crap advice from me is too stay away!! damn it am i cursed to be hated and treated like shit for ever

[Tequila Zaire]

not worth it ive only been dateing for the last year before then i was a social retard with no friends since then ive been out with 6 guys and theyve all treated me like crap advice from me is too stay away!! damn it am i cursed to be hated and treated like shit for ever

Or...just bad taste in fellas...admittedly though as a fella myself...we're total pricks.

[purplepixie]

i think your right i should probably date someone i havent picked up in a bar

[HempKnight]

i think your right i should probably date someone i havent picked up in a bar

D'oh!!!


Oh no... NOTHING good can come from a bar 'romance' (for the most part...) rare chance you will find the love of your life doing body shots.

Been there, done that ... someone murdered her because of it.
Wasn't me, I had grown tired of her cheating long before that.. but the next fella wasn't as mentally stable and instead of walking away, took it to the extreme.

Most bar relationships are usually based either on getting laid or booze, or BOTH... the 'get drunk and fuck' thing only goes so far for just so long.

[HempKnight]

Bright...

As someone who has been through some FUCKED up relationships... waking up for find a crazy live-in girlfriend bashing in my skull with an iron.... FIVE YEARS into being together and SIX MONTHS before *SHUDDERS TO THINK* our planned wedding... for just one example.

It has taken a LONG TIME to finally meet THE ONE I consider to be THE ONE... for christsakes... we spent a year online first, with more than 3,000 miles between us getting to know each other in EVERY detail and THEN we got together. Many long and lonely lean years here and there, but if I had it all over to do again, I'd still do it the same. Take the time, get to know the enemy... that enemy is YOURSELF, you will always be your own worst critic and down on yourself quicker than anyone else will be. You have to know what you want and what you can offer to a relationship to make it last... if YOU don't know then how is anyone else to know.

In short, there is no easy answer... never has been - never will... best of luck.

[Caligula]

As a few of these responses suggest, a bad relationship can be way worse than no relationship at all. There's a very special variety of grim claustrophobia mixed with chew-your-own-leg-off-to-escape panic that you can only experience when trapped in a fucked up relationship.

As a consequence, most people are just a little paranoid in the relationship department. And as a consequence of that, a lot of folks assume that if you're not involved with someone, then there must be something wrong with you. It's a completely false assumption, plus if they do leave someone else for you, you can never quite trust them, as you know they're capable of cheating, 'cause they cheated with you (if you follow me).

On a practical level, desperation is not a very attractive cologne, while with a bunch of self-confince even the fugliest fool can pick up dates. Conclusion - apart from that most people are idiots - is that this is an area where getting comfortable with yourself and finding an environment that suits you will pay more dividends in the long run than any amount of cheesy chat up lines. Meantimes, you can smile smugly at those poor fools trapped in a couple with someone that is slowly but surely eating their will to live...

[TheDeathKnight]

To more directly deal with BrightStar's situation, having looked at your LJ,
if all the stuff you say about your family life is true, you have to accept the
fact that you have not had the same life as everyone else. So you are not
going to act like everyone else. You probably do not look or act like a "normal" guy would.
Because you have had a different background.

If you took a villager from Africa, and plopped him down in your town,
he would not fit in, and would not be accepted by the girls. But he might
be a nice guy inside. But people will not get to know that, because they
sense that he is strange, or different, and that tends to scare a lot of people away.
So obviously you have to keep girls away from your family.
But you also probably have to do a lot of work on fixing yourself,
before you will become someone girls will want to date.

I can tell just from your posts, that you are not "normal".
So I am sure in person, most girls can sense that too.
So you need to fix your situation, then fix yourself,
and *then* girls will find you attractive and interesting.
When you have your shit together, and seem more
emotionally normal, etc.... It will take time, but you
can get there...

[BrightStar]

If you took a villager from Africa, and plopped him down in your town,
he would not fit in, and would not be accepted by the girls. But he might ...

In some cases here, people from haiti,barbados,africa,etc, and they got dates almost right away.

[/QUOTE]

I can tell just from your posts, that you are not "normal".
So I am sure in person, most girls can sense that too.

How do you mean?

[TheDeathKnight]

You seem very needy for a relationship, sex, or a girlfriend.

There are many different types of people out there, but the one thing I noticed over the years,
is that people often need love, or want a relationship. But what attracts people, is often the
opposite of what they need and want. Why? Because people who need love and attention,
do not look for someone who also needs and wants love and attention. They want someone
strong, and self-confident, to take care of them. They see people who are needy, as weak.

People seem to find weakness and neediness unattractive.

So they are drawn to people who seem "strong", which is why people
often have the impression that girls often like assholes, or the "bad boys".
It's not because those guys are capable of giving them love and a relationship.
It's because they give off a sense of strength, and self-confidence.
But in reality, they probably do not care, do not want a relationship,
and do not think highly of women, or love, or anything else. But it
often comes across as strength and confidence.

A friend of mine was recently divorced. So he is out hitting the clubs, etc...
But he is so desperate for a relationship, that he goes up to every girl in there,
and hits on all of them. You would think that because he hits on everyone,
he would have good chances of getting lucky? Not so. I asked a couple
girls I know, what they thought of him. They said that they thought his
efforts to hook up with everyone around, was disgusting and pathetic.
If he showed a sense of restraint, and confidence, and just got to know
those girls, they might have eventually been interested in him.
He's a nice guy, with a lot to offer, but he ruined it with his obnoxious desperation...

[Kidthorazine]

Dude you really just need to relax eventually youll find someone just like you that will go out with you and be afraid of you. it works for me(thank gods there are lots of psycho chicks where I live)

[cOrE_dUmPeR]

I had a really hard time [dating] in my late teens and early 20's too.

All I can say is it DOES get easier to find dates.

It wasn't until I was about 24 that dating became easier (well, at least finding them). This coincided with the time in my life where I finally finished finding who I was and feeling comfortable in my own skin.

However, it's not all fun and' games after your 20's....

If you foolishly continue in this scene into your 30's (as I have), it gets hard again, due to sheer lack of people your age who are not koo-koo (yes, I know this is just MY opinion). A 30-something goth male trying to get a date...oh man....slim pickins....

My advice, work on yourself, get comfortable with yourself, and somehow the dates will magically appear before you know it.

--------------------------------------------

hmmm, I have a long rant I've been working on or weeks about dating prospects for 30-something goth males...., maybe I'll save that for my LJ.

[BrightStar]

I have done all that, but that still doesnt work.

[cOrE_dUmPeR]

Hmmm, I don't want to give away all our guy secrets so if you are a girl please stop reading here.

You should watch a movie called "The Tao of Steve".

I don't necesarily follow all of Steve's philosophy (like I don't condone misleading people), but he makes some good points, worth putting in your "dating toolbox".

Ok, girls you can start reading again

[TheDeathKnight]

You say you've done all that, but you haven't done the most important thing,
which is to stop sounding so desperate to get someone...

Don't answer every girl's post, and ask her if she wants to meet up with you.

Don't ask out every girl you meet.

Don't tell everyone how much you need a girlfriend.

It sounds pathetic, and it turns most girls off...
(Guys too...)