So here is something I wrote for somewhere else and I want to hear what everyone thinks. Its a personal rant about how my mother feels about the way I look, the lifestyle I have, the music I listen to, etc etc.
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Ok so heres the scoop. My mom is pretty nice..she does a lot for me. But sometimes, she really frustrates me. She used to be called "The Halloween Queen". She had this hobby where she'd put on haunted houses and trails and stuff, and she was just obsessed with costumes, masks, FX, props, and generally just spooky halloween stuff. Now, Im not really that fond of halloween for my own reasons, Im not really honestly that fond of cheesy horror stuff like she was..but you know, do whatever you want right?
Whenever I am home my mom always says things that really bother me. She has always been pretty understanding, she even dyed my hair purple sophomore year in high school! She was apparently convinced it was just a phase. When that turned out to be false, she started saying things. Like "why do you cover up your beauty underneath all that", "why cant you wear colors" (uh hello? I wear colors like, every day pretty much..incorporated into my black wardrobe!), "why cant you be happy with how you look", "why do you change yourself all the time, arent you happy with yourself?", "why do you pierce your beautiful face?' bla bla bla. Essentially, she is telling me she wants me to be 'normal'. Because 'when you had long brown hair parted in the middle and no piercings and bushy eyebrows, you were so beautiful" pretty much. Its like she is telling me because I am goth that I am ugly, and that I should just try to fit in with everyone else. These are the kind of comments I get from ignorant passers-by sometimes. I hate to categorize my mom with those people, but it is true.
I have explained this to my mother you dont even know how many times. Its the same thing over and over, and now I get so frustreated when she makes comments like that. She is unhappy with the way I live my life and I am getting sick of her passive aggressive comments. Theres nothing I can do to get it through to her, apparently, and it hurts my feelings when she says things like that because I feel like she does not love who I truly am.
When I mentioned getting married to Valerian last night, and mentioned how I want the wedding to be (yeah, Im gonna be cliche and arrive in a Hearse, but it will probably just be our car by then anyway..might have a coffin wedding cake and all that...blacks and maybe reds, or purples..goth music..all that stuff.) she started to blame her obsession with the macabre (the halloween stuff I mentioned ealier) as the reason I am the way I am. Uhm, no! Its not. And when she blames that on herself, its like saying "oh, where did I go wrong?" and that REALLY hurts my feelings, because shes essentially saying she failed as a parent because I am goth. It doesnt seem like I could ever explain to her how I got to this point without her misunderstanding me or just not understanding at all. She does not want to listen anyway, it seems. She has her own ideas about why I am the way I am, and they are not good things. It *really* irks me how she treats me now because I am not what she wants me to be.
Like I said, she does a lot for me, I know she loves me because I am her daughter, but she doesnt love *me* for *me*. She wants me to be like everyone else, and even when I explain to her that I would be miserable like that, she doesnt seem to care. She kind of just makes a pouty face ans says 'oh...', like Im not allowed to be happy doing what I do, dressing as I do, having the lifestyle I do? Its ridiculous!
Valerian's parents are much the same way, but we didnt discover this until recently. Thats a completely different story, however.
Anyway I just wanted to know what you guys thought about this. Do you have parents that act like this? Ones that act worse? Do your parents truly accept how you are or do they fake it like my mom sometimes does and inserts poorly veiled passive aggressive comments like she does...? What do you think I should do, just let it go? It bothers me that she never stops and never seems to get it through her head.
guess I really dont know what to do. I mean, I have been doing this for a while now. Like I said, I think as soon as my mom realized it wasnt a phase like she had originally thought..that is when she started to make those comments.
It hurts my feelings because she is putting her values on me and her ideas of what is beautiful. It is like I am not allowed to have my own sense of beauty and my own sense of style, what I think is attractive, even though it is not the norm. She blames her horror activities on my interests and it really has nothing to do with it! (Its all David Bowie's fault, I swear! :i9: )
When I got breast implants, she was surprisingly supportive after I explained EVERYTHING to her. I know she still questions it though. When I told her I was a dominatrix, she questioned that but I explained EVERYTHING to her, and she kind of accepted it, but still has doubts. The other day, my brother and his friend asked her if I was 'hooking', in response to her telling them I was a fetish model...when the hell does fetish modeling equate to being a prostitute? Then she actually asked me if I was. Uhm no! Modeling=/= prostitution! This is but one example of her ignorance.
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