Are you more comforted by validation or reassurance?

[Amelia G]

If you feel sad and sure you are overreacting, would you find it comforting for a friend to validate your feelings and tell you that they are reasonable in the situation.

Or would you prefer your friend somewhat blew off your concerns but assured you things were going to get better?

For the purposes of this question, let's assume your feelings are valid, but things also really most likely will improve. Are you more comforted by validation or reassurance?

[Mr Karl]

I'don't think either really...........what I like to hear is ' get back to work', or something along those lines

[Mindgames]

Hmm.

If the feelings are valid, you're not overreacting; hence your friend will probably say

"Face it.. you're fucked. Totally, undeniably, sideways-with-a-rutabaga-while-begging-for-your-Momma fucked."

Which is good, as both of us clearly then see a need to get drunk.

[VoltaireBlue]

Niether. I'd flat out apologize for overreacting, and go get tea with whoever I'd freaked out on. If I've overreacted, then niether assurance or validation is true, because I let my feelings run away with me, and those feelings aren't valid if I've let them get the better of me.

Just my two cents.....

[ForrestBlack]

I would have to say that I fall on the side of occasionally needing the confident reassurance and understanding. I can, on occasion, play the chess game of a situation out in my head and become daunted by the possibility of a bad outcome due to the few factors I can not control, even though it's not always the most likely outcome. Being validated in that scenario doesn't help me. I know I'm right already, but being reminded that a better outcome is possible and perhaps even probable, gets me back on track so that I can work towards that better outcome.

[Mindgames]

Sidebar... who defines overreacting in this instance? Surely whatever you or your friend may think is a suitable level for a reaction, you'll only know if it was or wasn't when the thing happens, at which point, to be Nietzschian for a moment, who gives a fck?


(and I'm voting this topic as the Most Philosophically Obscure Thread of 2009. Kudos, may there be many more like it.)

[keiko]

usually one of my first questions before i get too worked up about whatever is to ask if that really happened and wtf? then i'll get upset after i'm certain that what just happened deserves a reaction at all, esp if the other person is miffed about it too. So i guess Validation of the freak out is what fuels me. Of course after that it's a pow wow to figure out what to do about it.

~K

[Morning Glory]

I think it was Robert Anton Wilson who said, to paraphrase, "If you think that the whole universe is a vast conspiracy to personally destroy you then you are paranoid and crazy. If you think that the universe is a vast conspiracy to destroy everyone, then you are probably right, and in that case you might as well not worry about it and be an optimist."

[One Eyed Cat]

Validation by people who are accomplished in endeavors I try out or seek to.

[toxicat]

I don't know...usually cat noises do it for me.

[TheDeathKnight]

I love talking shit out with people, and getting all the angles and opinions.

But I HATE yes men. People who just tell you that you are right,
and the other person is wrong, and can't see any other angle.

I see tons of people who have a batch of friends who do nothing but
listen to each other bitch, and no one ever tells the other ones that
maybe they are wrong, or maybe they fucked up. It's all about
mutual bitching. I can't stand that shit.

My goal in talking to someone about a problem, is to find a good answer.
Not get told that I am awesome.

[toxicat]

I love talking shit out with people, and getting all the angles and opinions.

But I HATE yes men. People who just tell you that you are right,
and the other person is wrong, and can't see any other angle.

I see tons of people who have a batch of friends who do nothing but
listen to each other bitch, and no one ever tells the other ones that
maybe they are wrong, or maybe they fucked up. It's all about
mutual bitching. I can't stand that shit.

My goal in talking to someone about a problem, is to find a good answer.
Not get told that I am awesome.