Need some romantic advice

[Thurbane316]

Hi all,

There's a girl I've met through some friends who, to me, is one of the most wonderful girls I've ever met. She has the most beautiful smile and lovely eyes. She wears glasses, long dark hair and pale skin. She also seems to have an awesome personality - kind and intelligent and awesome sense of humour (we've met two or three times briefly)...

My problem is this - I can be a pretty intimidating guy on first appearances (I often get mistaken for a bouncer or biker), so normally I wait until I know a girl a little better before expressing interest...but, once they get to know me well, some girls I'm drawn to seem to develop a "brother/sister" type attachment to me. I mean, I'd be cool with just being friends, but sometimes that precludes anything further...

Also, she's a few years younger than me (but still legal, of course), and I'm always a bit self-concious about things like that.

My flirting skills are a little rusty - any advice?

[Forestghost]

Hi....I can relate to what you are saying.

You're attraction to her is important, don't hide that from her. I know when you want to hold back and "get to know someone" you probably hold back your expressions of attraction. You don't want to "scare" the girl away, so you simply act friendly and emphasis your personality. This is a good thing as long as you still remind the girl that you are attracted to her. Do this by subtly complimenting her..."hey, I love the way you did your hair today" or ask her to remove her glasses for closer inspection and act stunned, say "sorry, I just didn't realize how (whatever colour) your eyes are, very enthralling". Things like that, fit them into your getting to know eachother, but never let her forget. Women like to feel attractive, and we are attracted to people who find us attractive!

And remember, some women do like intimidating guys, don't look at it as a fault.

When you sense that she might be developing the "brother/sister" thing with you, surprise her by asking her out for a fancy dinner or something. Make it obvious that it is a date situation. If she gets to know you, and is attracted to you, she might simply need that extra "hint" to open up to a relationship. Y'know?

Good luck!

[skully]

i pretty much second what forrestghost said...by throwing in some well placed compliments and occasional flirty jokes you can keep things sexually charged while not coming across to strong and also not restricting you or her to either just friends or commited relationship..this gives you both a chance to get to know each other and decide if you want to take that next step or just keep things friendly..

[skully]

and if you need some flirting skill prep: go rent "the tao of steve" all the advice works quite well...with the exception of one thing... to be a true steve you have to truly be indifferent to the outcome...on one hand you end up with a great friend on the other you end up with a great lover...if you are acting like a steve just to get in her pants(which worked in the movie) in real life she will see right through it and you will ruin everything.

[Amelia G]

Try to kiss her at the end of the evening. Just a kiss. If she is interested, I really doubt that is going to scare her off. If she likes you but is not hot for you, you will find out.

[Lange]

Try to kiss her at the end of the evening. Just a kiss. If she is interested, I really doubt that is going to scare her off. If she likes you but is not hot for you, you will find out.

Well that brings up another problem....do you try to kiss her on the lips or do you go for the cheek?

[CPRB]

LIPS MAN LIPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! DOH.....and good luck

[Morning Glory]

I don't think thats a good idea. If you kiss somone that doesn't want to kiss you, the probibility of them never talking to you again is very likely, and it will probibly ruin the possibility of a freindship, because then she'll think that you'll always ignore her bounderies and just do whatever you want to do. Not to be a total downer, but i'm just trying to be realistic and help you out.

[pelelaka]

i agree with morning glory, you should prolly try to be careful with that. lets say you take her out on a date, or your hanging out with her or something. you should see how easy it is for her to physically get close to you. try holding her hand or putting your arm around her first... if she seems nervous or shrugs you off the whole kiss on the lips thing prolly isnt good. but i dont' see how a dab on the cheek could hurt!

[Digital Anthrax]

Bah don't get me started................. women all hate me for some reason. Just because I'm not like everyone else it really sucks. I get so depressed most days that I can't wait until I don't have to wake up in the morning anymore. So yeah, I've tried and failed too much so I pretty much give up. There apparently is something wrong with a short guy who is weak... not to mention covered with acne. Pfft.... I've had enough...

[mrs jones]

skully hit the nail on the head, you must be indifferent to the outcome. If you find yourself thinking of her as "perfect" or "the one" early on in the relationship, this will be very counterproductive, trust me.

I also would disagree with others who say that you need to lay on the compliments. When you do this too soon you will come across as insecure and needy. As long as you can be funny and interesting you will not need to compliment her.

You must present a challenge in order to create attraction. Your biker/bouncer image can work to your advantage as many women are attracted to the bad boys. The key is to maintain congruence of this image, and your personality. This does not mean to be an abusive jerk; however, you must be strong-willed, independent, and not needy or insecure. If you can figure this out, and she becomes attracted to you, she will be the one trying to initiate kissing with you

[OliX]

ask brightstar for romantic advice... I heard that he's realy good in that

[LrdSatanas]

ide haft to get a good grasp in the girls mind to give you the best advice. all that i can say is this. if you dating her then there is intrest. Confidence wins all atleast in american woman. But i can come off rather compulsive sometimes.

[BrightStar]

ask brightstar for romantic advice... I heard that he's realy good in that

Bah! *Shakes fist angrily!*

[grebo]

shit, thats the story of my life, angry looking guy who has lots of lady friends who think of him as "like a brother" or "one of the girls". but the "one of the girls" statement doesnt include being comfortable enough to get undressed in front of me like all the other girls.
if you dont tell the lady up front you end up exploding later, when you hear "like a brother" for the 1000th time and they freak out cos they dont understand why......