Hurtful Opinion.

[ScarMeBeautiful]

My partner has just come out with that he believes all bisexual, gays, and lesbians should burn in 'Hell'.
Being bi, I found this very hurtful.. And it's upset me alot. He just can't see how bi, les and gay people can be treated 'normally' and be thought as 'normal'..
*Sigh* I've tried to hide my tears from him, that thinking his own girlfriend should be in 'hell'... And he also knows I'm bi... I don't know if he's trying to change me or something.. He said that I'm sinning..

[Kidthorazine]

im sorry. people like that make me soooo angry in my opinion all people like that deserve a long hard ass kicking repeated multiple times daily untill they decide to wake the fuck up

[Forestghost]

Well, first and foremost, you need to end your relationship with this boy. If he can't accept your sexual preferences, then you will never be able to advance your relationship. Unless this is a purely sexual relationship, there is no point in its continued existence.

You need to find someone who will accept you and your views about the world (especially about sex and sexuality). He needs to go find someone who accepts/concurs with his opinions.

*hugs* You should tell him how this makes you feel, tell him that you can't be with him anymore because of it, then go get yourself a massage, some chocolate and perhaps a young lady or lad to kiss away the pain!

Good luck!

[ForrestBlack]

Take him to hell with you, or leave him. It's a matter of commitment.

[Tequila Zaire]

Whoa whoa whoa...before you toss out the relationship like others say you need to do this crazy thing called....say it with me boys and girls...COMMUNICATION!...talk to your boy as to WHY he feels that way...and explain how you feel about it...leaving the tears out if possible. You gotta talk it out and at least TRY to get him to see your point of view...

Relationships are about compromise after all...he does not have to agree with you or your views...but he should be man enough to RESPECT Them and you.

Odd though that as much as he says it's sinning he's still with you...so that makes him just as much of a sinner.

[ForrestBlack]

Hey now TZ, my first option involved communication

[Forestghost]

Well TZ, communication is important....
BUT, when you are in a relationship that is destined to go ANYWHERE beyond the bedroom, there is something required called RESPECT. You can communicate until your face turns blue, BUT, he has said this very strong statement about her sexual orientation...something which is unlikely to change. He is just as unlikely to change his opinion, which logically means that any relationship these two pursue will always have this lingering in the background

[ScarMeBeautiful]

I've been with him for 2, nearly 3 years now.. It really hurts to have to just throw it all away..

I've talked to him about it, he just keeps saying 'it's wrong' 'it's sinning' 'it's disgusting'...

I really don't know what to do.. I think I should end it..

[Tequila Zaire]

Well TZ, communication is important....
BUT, when you are in a relationship that is destined to go ANYWHERE beyond the bedroom, there is something required called RESPECT. You can communicate until your face turns blue, BUT, he has said this very strong statement about her sexual orientation...something which is unlikely to change. He is just as unlikely to change his opinion, which logically means that any relationship these two pursue will always have this lingering in the background

That's all assumption at this point...gotta give the guy the benefit of the doubt here...cause I've known people who have changed their minds about gay, lesbian, and bi lifestyles...gotta have SOME hope you know?

[Forestghost]

TZ, yeah I understand, but as you can see from Scar's latest post, he isn't changing his mind.

ScarMeBeautiful: Sounds like it was a long-lasting relationship. I'm not there, I don't know what you two have/had, but all I can say is ask yourself a few simple questions....
"Can I spend my life with a person who views me in this way?"
"Can I love someone with these opinions?"
"Do I respect him and more importantly, does he respect ME?"
"Am I going to change for him?"

Answer these questions, then look at the relationship, do you want to end it?

[ScarMeBeautiful]

Thank you.. I can see it clearly now..

I've asked him.. begged him if he will change his mind.. He said he doesn't care if they're nice or not..

I will end it.. It will be hard.. But I know I will just waste more months and years over him.. *Sigh* It's so hard...

[Forestghost]

I know it is hun....

Relationships are challenging, but you have to be honest with yourself, that is the most important thing! I'm sorry it hurts so much, but in the end, his opinion would likely hurt much more!

Good luck!

[shev]

A big part of why people hate bisexuals and homosexuals is a lack of exposure to them. You've put a human face on it, so if he really hates THEM, he has to hate YOU too.

That's why liberals bring Mary Cheney - the lesbian daughter of Dick Cheney - into discussion. A lot of people are willing to go on about "fags" but they're not so willing to go out and say, "I hate Mary Cheney 'cause she's a fag!" You can really do the same exercise with any gay celebrity, but Mary Cheney works especially well.

You need to tell him that hating THEM means hating YOU. Put a human face on it and he just might come around, albeit slowly. Otherwise, break it off.

Oh, and if he insists that he DOESN'T hate les/bi/gay people and he really just hates their sin, let me punch him in the face for being a damn liar.

[postcoital]

Off topic, but I recently watched a documentation about guinea pics who turn gay when their population is at a critical maximum, and as soon as their number returns to normal, they're getting hetero again.

[lovemycombatboots]

has he known for all these years and just recently decided to be a bastard or did you just tell him? because i mean... if he cant accept you as who you are and is trying to change you... its gonna hurt or kill the relationship... whats if you told him he was going to hell for being a bible thumping bastard? that wouldnt be very nice... itd be something id do... but not very nice

[ScarMeBeautiful]

Yeah, he's just recently decided to be horrible..

[LrdSatanas]

yes he is tring to change you. Go find a guy thats not a bible thumper. If you a bible thumper then qwit what ur doing. 2ndly if you with him and ur fathful then ur not bi cuz ur only fucking him. Look at it that way. Maybe he considers it a threat.

[Amelia G]

Is he pissed off because you are seeing other people or because, if you were not with him, you might be with either a man or a woman?

[CPRB]

does he know? I mean that is kinda od if he new of your sexual preferences and stuff why would he so blatanly say that, unless ir was meant to hurt? what a silly man child..oh I re-read the thread....what a dick....fuck the communication and tell him the only talking he can do is to you foot. That is just rude and mean, I dunno maybe he's scared of the fatc maybe he feels that he lacks in the relatioship and fears that you might start dating a girl instead of him. whatever the case it was mena and worng and he should be appraciating the fatc you(were?) are in his life and he in yours....I think the term wanker somes to mind right now....

[ScarMeBeautiful]

I told him that look at it this way, I'm faithful, I've never cheated on anyone nor am I going to.. So what, are you worried? He said no, he just hates people who aren't 'normal'.

[Kidthorazine]

I told him that look at it this way, I'm faithful, I've never cheated on anyone nor am I going to.. So what, are you worried? He said no, he just hates people who aren't 'normal'.

Ive always wondered what normal is exactly. NORMAL PEOPLE SUCK!!!!

[ScarMeBeautiful]

Normal as in, straight. Sexuality wise.

[K_SyniculOne]

A big part of why people hate bisexuals and homosexuals is a lack of exposure to them. You've put a human face on it, so if he really hates THEM, he has to hate YOU too.

(You could not have said that better, Shev. I think your quote could also extend [off the topic, of course] to people who have racial/ethnicity biases as well. Some people are afraid of what they don't know or what they are not willing to learn about.)

I guess I'm a 'dreamer' and I assume that when you are in a relationship there should be unconditional love : Your partner should accept you for who you are, be there to help you when you are feeling down and not intimidate, ridicule or berate you for your existence or preferences. . .Then again, sometimes you cannot change your partner to see things 'your way', unless s/he is willing to compromise and keep an open mind about what your beliefs and values are.

and on a lighter note, what exactly IS normal?!?!?! Hmmm...

[Morning Glory]

perhaps you should seek the help of a relationship counselor. I don't wish to pass judegment on you, and I don't know your entire situation but if your lover hates aspects of you but stay's in a relationship, and likewise you know that but also stay in a relationship, I think there is a bigger issue then just ideological conflicts. you can't be in a loving relationship with someone if you don't love them, and if they disgust you or hurt you, then that's not love.
also for the record people cannot just "get over" things like that, contrary to skewed beliefs. The things that you enjoy on a physical, and emotional, and psychological leval are partially conditioned by society, true, but they are also part of your basic genetic makeup and anyone who says otherwise just can't connect the dots- litterally-between nerve impulses. If anyone is to blame for humanities evil, sinful ways the only one to point the finger at is your ever-loving god and creator.

[ScarMeBeautiful]

I said to him before that if he loves me, why doesn't he accept that part of me.. He just said that he does love me, but that I deserve to go to hell for my sinful sexuality. He says it like it's nothing to be bothered about.

I love him to death, and he says he loves me... But at this moment, I don't believe him..

[Nightingale]

Funny, I was thinking just this morning about how strange people are who have these set ideas that homosexuality, lesbianism or bisexuality is wrong. I was thinking about it simply because someone was talking last night in the bar about sauch things and was defending his position as a heterosexual against the onslaught of abnormal people in the world. Now, this chappie is well known as a pron film watcher - he even tells us about some of the films he's been watching which is hardly good taste in a public bar, but there you go. Last night I challenged him. I asked him directly about his porn film watching, about how all the porn films had the man ejaculating across the woman when the film drew to a close and I asked him how important to the film that was. He expounded the virtues of a good piece of meat working the women and then spraying a couple of gallons across them when it was all over. So, I said to him, since you appreciate the men's equipment and these cum scenes, what does that make you? Heterosexual, not quite; homosexual, also not quite.

Okay, so not everyone watches porn films, but it's usually the most vehement people set against one particular thing who have a desire they are hiding, they just cannot admit it to themselves because they haven't come to know themselves properly yet.

[Cafe_Post_Mortem]

Ok, I only have one side of the arguement, and I am a stranger who is just answering this thread on the internet so take this advice with a grain of salt.

How can someone love you if they hate what you are? If he said all black people should burn in hell, and you were black no one would be preaching tolerence for this guy, why is this any different?

If you were a fisher, and he said all fisher should burn in hell, that would be a little different. Then you could weigh being a fisher versus being with this person and decide on the importance against eachother, but from everything I have heard, sexual orientation is not a hobby.

Also, did he say should burn in hell. or would burn in hell? From the sound of the posts it was should, and again that is not a statement of the religion, but personal hatred. God never gave him the right to judge in the bible. You do not wish loved ones to hell.

I think you need to go to your friends, family, anyone who could help you get through this sort of thing and try to get someone who can see the whole story, but I do not believe you should be with someone who believes you deserve eternal damnation.

[Hypnotic Vampire]

Tell him you have a hot female friend who likes boys and girls who wants to come over for a threesome....watch his opinion mellow on the spot!

Other than that, have you perhaps considered that your boyfriend is a repressed bisexual? I think it was Wilhelm Reich who advanced the theory of character armour, in that people who are excessively homophobic (for example) behave in that way to cover up any homosexual tendencies or leanings they may have...you know, the 'I can't be gay because I hate fags!' mentality.

At the end of the day people are people...I've worked with one gay guy who Hell would be too good for, and on the other hand, I know gay, lesbian and bi folk who are just fantastic.

Hell, more gay men, less competition is how I see it....no, it's lesbians who are the true enemy....unless they let us watch, of course !

[Morning Glory]

his ideas are based on a hideously overexagerated verse in the bible which says that men should not lay together in bed. in other words, to have sex. this is the sole basis for religion's anti-homosexual stance. to get it all straight away it never says that it's a sin, only that it's frowned upon. so most people interpret this as being anti-gay.. but since there is no other accompanying information on the subject, I think it's simply because men don't have the right, ahem, equpiment for the 'job' and this is merely an extension of the denouncement against sodomy, which is any sexual act other than intercourse- which the bible is opposed to for anyone gay, straight, married or otherwise. By the same token if you want to take this in it's exact context, it only forbids people from having gay sex, and nowhere else in the bible does it say that it's wrong to be gay, or to have a gay lover.

[Morning Glory]

oh yeah, and it also means that you can't have hetero oral sex. so next time he wants you to go down, tell him he's going to hell.

[Nightingale]

oh yeah, and it also means that you can't have hetero oral sex. so next time he wants you to go down, tell him he's going to hell.

And you can't do it doggie style (State laws apply).

[ScarMeBeautiful]

He said SHOULD burn in hell. And now he's saying that only *I* deserve not to go to hell. I asked why he's changed his opinion, and he says because he loves me.

The fuck? Only *I* shouldn't go to hell just because he loves me? He needs to be in love with someone to NOT go to Hell?

He's making things worse with his idiotic answers.

[Nightingale]

How can he love someone who practises what he considers to be a sin? That makes him a sinner by collusion. I don't think he's really thought this through properly, and I suspect that he's trying to hide his inner nature too.

[purplepixie]

I've been with him for 2, nearly 3 years now.. It really hurts to have to just throw it all away..

I've talked to him about it, he just keeps saying 'it's wrong' 'it's sinning' 'it's disgusting'...

.

Why is he even going out with you then? I mean if he finds it that bad. Personally I think that you should dump him hes only making you feel bad
I had a similar problem the once his opinion on race made me dump him

[Amelia G]

I suspect there is more to you than the fact that you sometimes think about women sexually. He could really love you for you but be uneducated about what bisexual even really means. I know I was taught some ideology about homosexuality as a kid which was totally at odds with everything else I was taught as a kid.

I went to college and my views on homosexuality and bisexuality 100% changed, once I was less sheltered, because they didn't really fit with my overall worldview.

I am sure there were some people who had conversations with me when I was 16 or 17 where my answers were just plain idiotic because it wasn't what I truly believed in my heart. Your significant other may just be grappling with something like that.

If he says you should not burn, then it is clearly not exactly a cornerstone of his belief system. Has this never come up before?

[Jasperino]

Well, here's the thing, he sounds like an idiot. If you say that you've never cheated on him and didn't plan to, what's his problem? It's not like he comes home everynight and finds you in bed with two other women. (And really guys, would that be a bad thing?) He needs to just calm down and think out what he's about to lose. I'm sure he'll be sorry in the long run. Trust me, just about every guy I know would love for his wife to be bi. Stand up to him and tell him to get over it. Love is unconditional...at least it should be.

[CorporateGoth]

A few questions with my reply.........
How exactly does one just come out with this almost 3 years into a relationship? Have you just recently told him that you are bi? Not that it makes what he is saying any better, just dosent make sense. One would have to assume, since you have been open with your preference with a group of relative strangers on a message board that you would have been open with a "partner" from an early stage in your relationship.
Has he just had a major change in his religious convictions to bring this issue up?(i.e., being "born again") It seems strange that this would all of a sudden be a major sticking point to him.
I was raised in an extremely religious household (I am currently a recovering Catholic), so I am familiar with feelings af predudice against those with different views and lifestyles, but usually I have found that those with such feelings towards gays, bis, etc., don't develop these feelings over night, it's something thats been ingrained into them for a long period of time. It's also not likely that he will change his mind for a long time either.
I have been married now for 11 yrs, and my wife has bi temdencies. Does this intimidate me? Sure, sometimes.... but I know her to be one of the most wonderful people on the face of the earth, and I could never reconcile a god who would send her to Hell for having these feelings and overlook all of the wonderfull qualities she posseses (it dosent hurt that the thought of her getting all sloppy with another chick does me just fine thank you). I like porn. Does that intimidate her? Probably so, but she deals with it in much the same way.
I've never met this guy, or you for that matter, so I am really quite ignorant to your situation. But I have to say that in all reality, the prospects don't look good. If he truly feels this way, and he is not just having some "knee jerk" reaction to some other issue he is trying to deal with, I'd have to say that you'd be better off without him.
Good luck...

[ScarMeBeautiful]

No, he new I was bi about over a year ago. I'm as confused about his reaction as the next person..

[addictedslinky]

ok, new to this site, entirely so forgive me if this steps on anyones toes, please: When did your boyfriend become God? He can't condemn you to hell, just decide if he is worth being with, in spite of the pain his opinion causes you, then: do what you know is right, you are the only one who actually has to live with your decision. Sorry I cannot be more helpful.

[shev]

This is off-topic, but it bothered me, so I thought I'd bring it up.

From the sound of the posts it was should, and again that is not a statement of the religion, but personal hatred. God never gave him the right to judge in the bible.

It always bothers me when people insist that the Bible portrays God as a loving being who condemns judgement of others. I've never understood why some people say the Bible is anything more than a sweeping condemnation of everyone who won't fall into line with the will of Yahweh. Maybe the one I read was different from theirs.

Even Jesus stated his morals in the form of commands and offers of supernatural reward, with few arguments to support them, if any. Compared to the intellectual giants who preceded him by hundreds of years, like Plato and Socrates, he's an ant. Even the Sermon on the Mount was about divine sanctions, regardless of which contradictory account of it you accept.

On top of that, he was narrowly sectarian, preaching in behalf of those whom he believed "thou gavest me."

It's a valid point that Jesus said, "Judge not that ye be not judged." (Matthew 7.1) It's an equally valid point that he contradicted this with, "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgement." (John 7.24) That can be restated as, "If you're going to judge people, don't let yourself be deceived into a lesser judgement or provoked into a worse judgement than what God would want."

That gives people a green light for judging others - really, though, there's plenty of justification in the Bible for a wide range of behaviors, many of which are seen as barbaric today. The abstruse contradictions and horrific practices in the Bible should be motivation enough to throw the whole thing out. If someone really wants to try ascertaining the will of the divine, a good look at the universe supposedly created by Her is much better than the study of ancient books.

In any case, making the point about what God wants kinda makes the risk of turning everything into a screaming match. ("Yes She does!" "No, He doesn't!" "Yes She DOES!" "No He DOESN'T!")