I wish I owned a time machine. There's just way too much fun to be had with them not to want one. I mean, I could go back in time and give myself a good solid kick in the ass before spending a year in university as an arts major. I could go to the future, swipe something hi-tech, and claim I invented it. Or even just go a little bit into the future, find out winning lottery numbers, and buy tickets accordingly. I could buy things in the future, and then go back to the past and bring them with me to before I paid for them. The possibilities are endless.
Of course, I'd have to kill Hitler. It's mandatory that whenever you get a time machine, you kill Hitler. Of course, then you change history. But that's okay, because then you can go back in time again and tell yourself not to kill Hitler. A webcomic dealt with this once, and in it, the guy who killed Hitler decided to help the other of himself kill Hitler instead, and on it went like that until there were well over two hundred of him ganging up on the poor old Fuhrer. With me, it'd probably go more like this...
"Hey, don't kill Hitler."
"Why not? I can always stop myself later."
"Yeah, but I just did kill Hitler and now I'm stopping myself."
"No I didn't, he's standing right there!"
"Yeah, I haven't killed him yet because I just did kill him and now I'm trying not to."
"No I'm not! I wanna kill him!"
"No I don't, guy. It wasn't a lot of fun, he didn't even do anything funny."
"That's lame. Did I at least set him on fire?"
"Of course, what do you take you for? An amateur?"
"Haha, good point. But seriously though... waste of time wasting Hitler?"
"Yup. But there's a bar not far from here, at least."
"Sweet! I'm buying!"
"Wait, which one of me is buying the drinks?"
"I think we both know the answer to that question."
"Jerk."
Bookmarks