if superheros were real

[malcolm]

lets look at some fot he top superheroes and imagine what it would be like if they were real and had to deal with bsaic logics of this reality.....feel free to add one or two on.

spiderman: aside from his enhanced ligament and muscle tissue and his precognitive spidersense, most of spideys powers are mechanically based. true, he can climb walls and stick to ceilings like a spider but this also an be done with basic climbing gear. his webshooters are mechanical and the fluid he uses as webbing is synthetic. but if he were really bitten by a radioactive spider, he'd of died form radiation poisoning or cancer.

the hulk: being bombarded with high doese of radiation would have either dissentigrate dhis body or turned him into a big lump of painful goop.

captain america:the supersoldier serum used in making steve rogers into the big bulky captain of freedom and democracy is basically a hyped version of steroids so, ladies...he'd be good to look at but be packing a vienna sausage and he'd probabbly have boobs as that is one of the side effects or prolonged steroid use.

reed richards: mr. fantastic: dermatologists have spent years studying skin and skin elasticity. if mr. richards were able to taffy his skin the way he does in the comic books, it would eventualy loose it's elasticity and either rip wide open or not be able to pull itself back to normal size....

the punisher: can we say americas most wanted and then shot down outside of a courthouse by a vindictive family member?

daredevil:unless he was raised by xaolin monks, ther eis no way in hell a blind man would be able to even do an accurate flying roundhouse, let alone do it then jump form rooftop to rooftop.

ironman: metal does not bend in the fashion shown in the comic books and if that suit of armor were really mad eof iron (which i dont think it is anymore) it would be way too damn heavy to run in let alone move very fast in plus the jet pack he sues to fly would eventually heat the metal up causing him to bake like a potato.

johhnny storm: the human torch:in reality, he'd be covere din burn marks or only be able to say flame on! once before spontaneously combusting to ashes

venom: if this were a real transformation like in the comic book then all that black stuff (the symbiote) would have to come out through his pores and other various ducts of the body, very painful. not to mention the elongating of his teeth...ever had a tooth pulled? try all of them at the same time. he'd probably die form the shock of the transformation.

[malcolm]

onto some dc ones....

superman: would be tracked down, idnapped and then experimented on because he's extra terrestrial.

batman: same as the punisher.

[drewblood]

i'm sorry big malc... i just dont delve that deep into character development in comic books. nevertheless i appreciate your creative perspective. now, i will have a drink for every one of your aforementioned comic book heros. cheers mate.

[Evilbink]

Interesting views on some interesting characters. But I would much rather accept that if someone had actual superpowers, they would also have the ability to defy the basic laws of that pesky physic's as well as being above the law. Besides all of that, you should watch yourself..pissing off Superheros can come back and bite you in the ass. They could be reading these posts.

p.s. ummm ..superheros, I like you guys so umm .. take Malcolm first..ok thanks

[drewblood]

I would much rather accept that if someone had actual superpowers, they would also have the ability to defy the basic laws of that pesky physic's as well as being above the law.

pfff, silly rabbit.... you dont need superpowers for that.... all you need is to be as badass as Steven Segal.

[malcolm]

lol. Im sorry guys, I just thought of it cuz i remember when i was a child wanting to be jean grey and spiderman and then all of those stories of how kids wanted to be superman so they'd climb on top of their roofs and ned up breaking something.

I am working on a comic book myself (it's called boogirl-lesbo adult action title which will probably not make it out of arizona unless I do it online) and I have to think of basic reality concepts all the time for the characters cuz the day of "let's just say it was a gamma bomb" are over.

[grebo]

it was put forward years ago that if tarzan was raised by apes and grew up as one eventually becoming the dominant alpha-male ape, he would have his choice of the females for mating.

an oldie: would animal man (who can absorb animals abilities) or the other ones that change into animals have sex with animals?
i wouldnt mind the ability to tell if a womans on heat just by smell.

[malcolm]

that's a good question. I dunno. in reality, if one could transform into another thing, it would cause stress onto their bones, tear muscles, maybe even skin tissue contorting. but if they were successful at it,I dont know if they'd want to mate after all the apin they'd have to go through.

[killerkat]

anyone remember "slapstick" that was my favorite dude....

[malcolm]

that was the mask rip off on marvel wasnt it?

[killerkat]

yea i think.....my bro had HUGE 5'' binders full of marval cards,and that was one of my favs......

[malcolm]

yeh. I remember him...vaguely. i think I have the card your talking of too. goll that was a while ago! lol

[killerkat]

yup,back in the day... .....

[malcolm]

yeh, he came out during the period that marvel had lost almost all of thier top artists (jim lee-todd mcfarlane-erik larsen-rob liefield) hwo decided to band together and make image comics with malibu and everyoen was starting to go indy because of it so theyw ere trying to draw an audience back....dc tryed too but ended up pissing off a lot of old fans when they killed superman and then broke the batman in half....and then marvel was stupid enought o do the same mistake by not only cloning spiderman (their beloved mascot) but also cloning his parents, findinig out he was a clone himself, having his wife misscarry and then having him die of a heart attack. I dont even read marvel anymore but I still collect spidey stuff.......

[Bad Mojo]

lets look at some fot he top superheroes and imagine what it would be like if they were real and had to deal with bsaic logics of this reality.....feel free to add one or two on.

spiderman: aside from his enhanced ligament and muscle tissue and his precognitive spidersense, most of spideys powers are mechanically based. true, he can climb walls and stick to ceilings like a spider but this also an be done with basic climbing gear. his webshooters are mechanical and the fluid he uses as webbing is synthetic. but if he were really bitten by a radioactive spider, he'd of died form radiation poisoning or cancer.

the hulk: being bombarded with high doese of radiation would have either dissentigrate dhis body or turned him into a big lump of painful goop.

captain america:the supersoldier serum used in making steve rogers into the big bulky captain of freedom and democracy is basically a hyped version of steroids so, ladies...he'd be good to look at but be packing a vienna sausage and he'd probabbly have boobs as that is one of the side effects or prolonged steroid use.

reed richards: mr. fantastic: dermatologists have spent years studying skin and skin elasticity. if mr. richards were able to taffy his skin the way he does in the comic books, it would eventualy loose it's elasticity and either rip wide open or not be able to pull itself back to normal size....

the punisher: can we say americas most wanted and then shot down outside of a courthouse by a vindictive family member?

daredevil:unless he was raised by xaolin monks, ther eis no way in hell a blind man would be able to even do an accurate flying roundhouse, let alone do it then jump form rooftop to rooftop.

ironman: metal does not bend in the fashion shown in the comic books and if that suit of armor were really mad eof iron (which i dont think it is anymore) it would be way too damn heavy to run in let alone move very fast in plus the jet pack he sues to fly would eventually heat the metal up causing him to bake like a potato.

johhnny storm: the human torch:in reality, he'd be covere din burn marks or only be able to say flame on! once before spontaneously combusting to ashes

venom: if this were a real transformation like in the comic book then all that black stuff (the symbiote) would have to come out through his pores and other various ducts of the body, very painful. not to mention the elongating of his teeth...ever had a tooth pulled? try all of them at the same time. he'd probably die form the shock of the transformation.

Don't be silly, dude. Superheros are alive and live in cleaveland. Plus Iron Man could so move his suit with all those fucking bionics he has. I'll leave it at that with superheros, but choose to believe, my son! You gotta have faith that Spidernan will come to your rescue when you drop a quarter down a storm drain!

Bad Mojo

[malcolm]

if spiderman were real, he'd have either killed himself or be seeking some serius therapy. lists:
uncle died because he let a robber get away which he later caught.
his first love died before his eyes
his best friend died in his arms froma drug overdose after years and years of them duking each other out.
his wife miscarried
some sick freak cloned his parents.
he had to rescue his parents form venom.
he has a psychopathic alien hounding him down who knows who he is and all of his loved ones.
his aunt recently passed away and found out his secret identity,
his wife left him
he had a hit put out on him by his own boss
he had a hit put out on him by the mafia

Imean, damn. I'd be hanging off a ceiling downing a bottle of vodka myself if I were him.

[killerkat]

Imean, damn. I'd be hanging off a ceiling downing a bottle of vodka myself if I were him.

[malcolm]

it is hard doing an aciton comic thouhg. I'll give the companies who have pimped them out for years props on that. people want drama witht heir action and it's cool fit he goodguy doesnt always win int he end to some. i'm trying to work my own comic out that way but it's hard cuz you don't wanna draw the line of them having too much bad news in their life to overcome...boogirl has enough probelms what with having a ghost for a girlfriend, being a vampire and having to find clothing that goes with her green skin while having to face possessed blow up dolls and other oddities. I dont wanna make her life a living hell. lol

[Amelia G]

If superheroes were real . . . I would have gone through a stage where I made a bunch of their lives hell (and vice-versa) by dating them. Badger, Nexus, and that blue dude from Watchmen wouldn't have stood a chance And maybe Electra.

[Tequila Zaire]

Ah Nexus...if I could be any hero I'd be him...or Magnus The Robot Fighter (with the retro skirt thingy)...or better yet American Flagg.

I could only imagine the hell society would put them through...The Incredibles got it right...we'd sue em into retirement and secrecy.

[malcolm]

If I coudl be any superhero, id be the dragon cuz he's jsut an everyday guy aside from being 400 pounds of solid muscle with green skin and a fin on head.....that comic is worth checking out simply cuz It's just about his life in general, he used to be a cop, he got fired formt he force, he's marrid now and has a kid...has no regenereative powers and recenty was put inot a presidential election....he bitch slapped bush too. boy, woul so love to be dragon.

[Amelia G]

Ah Nexus...if I could be any hero I'd be him...or Magnus The Robot Fighter (with the retro skirt thingy)...or better yet American Flagg.

I could only imagine the hell society would put them through...The Incredibles got it right...we'd sue em into retirement and secrecy.

Oh fuck yeah! How could I forget Mister Chaykin's masterpiece.

[Mr Karl]

so taking all you said into account what would happen with the silver surfer or Galactus and all the way cosmic stuff like that

[malcolm]

okay, if galactus were really as big as he is said to be, he woul probably end up carrying his own gravitational field with him. with that said, even if the silver surfer were able to stop(actually it was more lik change his mind) him form eating the earth, the interferenc eof galactus' gravitational field with our own would have ultimately thrown us out of our orbit either moving us too cloce or too far away formt he sun to maintain life forms. i never really got inot the surfer much, he reminded me of a shiny version of vision from the avengers (the one without a prsonality) he's supposed to be dissasociative isnt he?doesnt really have flaws or feelings? I dunno, he'd probably be kidnapped, disected and then either scrapped for money by some junky. then again if he really is solid metal....he woulnt be abe to get that surf board off the ground either now would he?

[grebo]

i remember one of the cmic companies did a parody of time before they started doing swimsuit editions. there was a funny article about superheroes with useless powers. the woman who ran it had unbreakable fingernails, but normal hands, so she was constantly knocking them on things and the weight of them was painful cos she couldnt cut them. with the laws of averages there would be so dozens of people with useless powers while a few had ones that were cool.

i used to like the "what if..." & "elseworlds" comics.

[malcolm]

thats another bonus of the dragon comic, alot of the badguys and some of the goodguys have useless powers or just look dorky as hell like dung, the mutant wiht the abliity to throw gallons of projectile poop at people or hitler's brain...yes, hitler's brain.

oh! and cesspool! the extreme version of any teenage boys worst nightmare(mutated full body acne)