Post-A-Joke

[Vitorro]

so the Pope and Johnny Cochrine died, and went to Heaven. after all the rules and regulations are settled, St. Peter takes them to see their new living spaces. Stopping at Johnnys place first, the group sees a two story Mansion, with everything a person could want and more. this excites the Pope, who thinks He will get even more, but to His dismay, when shown His new digs, all He gets is a broom closet with a old army bunk in it.
He turns to Peter and says.."I spend My life bringing Man to God, and He spends His getting the evil off the hook, so how does He rate more than I?"
Peter looks at teh pope, and says" well, We have 100 or so Popes, but this is Our first Lawyer"

[Mr Karl]

so these three mice are sitting in a bar, the first mouse says, I'm so tough I can bench press a mouse trap
the second mouse says, that's nothing, I just ate a box of rat poison for breakfast
the third mouse finishes his drink gets up and says "well see you wimps later , I'm off to fuck the cat"

[Vitorro]

The new Queen is a beauty, with large breast, and one of the Knights tells His friend the Wizard, how much He would like to succle at her bosom. The Wizard tells Him that He could make it happen for $1000 in gold, and the Knight agrees. so the Wizard slips itching powder onto the Queens tits and later tells Her the only remedy is the knights saliva, Who She calls to do the deed, upon which the Wizard gives Him a potion to relieve the itching. But when the Wizard tries to collect, The Knight refuses.
The next day, the Wizard tells the Knight the King needed Him despirately. the Knight asked Him what the Kings wanted Him for, upon where the Wizard tells Him " I told the King how to relieve a rash on His balls"

[-=Asmodeus=-]

A mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner and listening to her 6 yr old son in the living room playing with his toy train.... As she is washing her hands she hears the train stop and her little son say "All you bastards who want off get the hell out and all you lazy sons of bitches who want to get on hurry up the train is leaving"
Appauled by what she just heard she runs to the boy and scolds him telling him to go to his room for 2 hours and think about what he just said and then he could come back down and play some more....
After 2 hours the boy comes down and continues playing with his train set...As she removes the meatloaf from the oven she hears the train stop and her young boy say "This is the last stop so all wishing to depart please do so and dont forget your luggage, for all those comming abord the train please do so quickly as we are behind....For all those who are pissed about the 2 hour delay please send all complaints to the fat bitch in the kitchen...."

[-=Asmodeus=-]

A bear and a rabbit sittin side by side in the woods taking a shit...
The bear asks the rabbit "Say do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replys "No not at all"
So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him..

[Vitorro]

Q ... Why do Prostitutes love Halloween?


A. .. The trick is a treat
__________________________________________________ _______
Q.......Why did tigger stick His head in the toilet?

A....He was looking for Pooh

[-=Asmodeus=-]

Here is a little food for thought humor....

Why dont Jehovah's Witnesses Celebrate Halloween? The one time of the year when going up to complete strangers houses and knocking on their door is acceptable behavior and they dont take advantage of that...

[Vitorro]

could ya imagine going trick or treating as a Jehovias Witness and knocking on THEIR door?

[the_darkness_calls]

hmm, maybe i should do that to the ones in my neighborhood, since they woke me up the other morning knocking on my door.... that'd be too funny

[cheinara wraithwalker]

Twelve muffins are sitting in an oven. This one muffin turns to the one beside him and says, "Is it getting hot in here to you?" The other one looks at him and goes, "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

This pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel glued to the front of his pants. The bartender goes, "Why in the hell do you have a wheel there?" The pirate goes, "Arrr! It be drivin' me nuts!"

...thank you, thank you.

[keiko]

A bus load of nuns is run off the road and off a cliff. Some two dozen nuns are stnading in line at the pearly gates. St. Peter lines them all up. He says to the nuns, "if any part of your body has touched a penis, rinse it holy hater and you will be pure amd able to enter heaven." The first nun sticks her finger in the holy water and St Peter lets her in. the second nun puts her whole hand in the holy water and Peter lets her in. From halfway down the line a nun calls out "Hey! Peter can I skip ahead in line?"
"Why would you want do that?"
"Well I'd really like to gargle with that water before Sister Clara sticks her ass in it."

K

[OliX]

there's two cops standing with a dog and checking him out
a guy passes by and ask's them: what are you doing?
one of cops is like: A moment ago guy went this way and said: "Look, dog with two assholes"

I like the nurses fresh

[Evilbink]

Once their were two peanuts walking down the street, and one was assulted.

[ladybug]

one sperm asked teh other sperm..how long till we get to the ovaries...the other sperm said well it's gonna take a bit... the other one asked how do u know....cause we just passed the tonsils

[Cafe_Post_Mortem]

In honor of the holiday, an old favorite.


Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.

As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, 'Bring me my red shirt!' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.

The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, 'Bring me my red shirt!'

And once again the battle was on.

However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, 'Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?'

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, 'If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.'

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.

The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!'

[Toe Cutter]

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?


A. It's a sin to put it in, and a shame to pull it out.

[drewblood]

Two guys are looking at a dog licking its testicles and one says:

"Wow Man, I wish I could do that"

The other guy says,

"Oh Really? I think I'd just try to pet him first"

[OliX]

anyone reading this or just posting their jokes

[Toe Cutter]

This thread could use more dead-baby jokes. I think those are pretty funny, I just don't know any.


Q. So why didn't Hitler drink Gin?

A. It made him mean.

[cheinara wraithwalker]

What's the difference between cottage cheese and a dead baby?


...the cottage cheese can't be used as a dildo.


.....

I'm going to rot and burn in hell.

[Toe Cutter]

What's the difference between cottage cheese and a dead baby?


...the cottage cheese can't be used as a dildo.

HAHAHAHAHA! Thank You!

That kind of made my day.

[Ashender Wraithwalker]

Oh god not her dead baby dildo >_< and to think she said that within a few days of having met her!

Q: Whats the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

A: You can't stick a pitchfork into the babies
--------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are small women so attractive to men?

A: Because it looks so big in their little hands

[cheinara wraithwalker]

Oh god not her dead baby dildo >_< and to think she said that within a few days of having met her!

Q: Whats the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

A: You can't stick a pitchfork into the babies

What? That doesn't make sense! And you loved my dead baby dildo joke. ;D

I think the joke is supposed to go "you can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork." But I could be wrong. It's been a while since I've swapped dead baby jokes.

[Vitorro]

two lesbians and two gay men board a plane from NY to SF, who will get there first?

The Lesbians , of course, they are going to go lickety split, and the guys still have to pack their shit
__________________________________________________ _______

Why do lesbians make great carpenters?

They are experts at tongue and groove
________________________________________________
two guys are having sex when the house catches firs, who gets out first?

the guy in front, His shits already packed

[Camby Savelle]

A mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner and listening to her 6 yr old son in the living room playing with his toy train.... As she is washing her hands she hears the train stop and her little son say "All you bastards who want off get the hell out and all you lazy sons of bitches who want to get on hurry up the train is leaving"
Appauled by what she just heard she runs to the boy and scolds him telling him to go to his room for 2 hours and think about what he just said and then he could come back down and play some more....
After 2 hours the boy comes down and continues playing with his train set...As she removes the meatloaf from the oven she hears the train stop and her young boy say "This is the last stop so all wishing to depart please do so and dont forget your luggage, for all those comming abord the train please do so quickly as we are behind....For all those who are pissed about the 2 hour delay please send all complaints to the fat bitch in the kitchen...."

*shakes head*

This is what the test of time has proven. A brilliant Jonny Rotten joke can become this deformed piece of tasteless tart.

[Oil~Boy 26]

!!!HURRICANE JOKE WARNING!!!!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ???
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hang on to youre nuts, this is gonna be one heluva blow job !

Figures I got one coming my way by saturday!!

OB~26

[Oil~Boy 26]

Oh yea I for got one for ToeCutter
Why do you stick a dead baby intoo a blender feet first ??----- -------- To see the expression !! Why head first ??----------------- ------------To shut it up !!!!!

No sense but its how it was told to me

OB~26

[Oil~Boy 26]

could ya imagine going trick or treating as a Jehovias Witness and knocking on THEIR door?

I did the jehovias witness thing for a halloween once when my hair was short and happend upon a family of em at home all i got was a watch tower lololol

I later married one "sigh" guess the joke was on me !!

OB~26

[-=Asmodeus=-]

This man moves to Alaska to live out his dream of living in an Inuit Community.
When he gets there he notices he is not particularly welcome by the locals.
So he goes to the Elders of the community and asks them what he has to do to be welcome within the Inuit Community.

One elder looks at him and says that he has to drink a gallon of 100proof liquor and not Bat an eye

Another elder says he must kill a polar bear with his bare hands

Another Elder says that lastly he must make love to an Inuit Woman...

The man thinks to himself and says OK..Better give me the liquor first...So he downs it without batting an eye...

Then he asks where he can find a polar bear...The Elders show him to a cave where one lives...So the man goes off to the cave...
He comes back to the village about an hour later...His clothes are tore all to hell and he is bleeding everywhere on top of being drunk as hell...

He then looks at the Elders and says "Ok...Now wheres this Eskimo Bitch you want me to kill?"

[Vitorro]

The Worlds Dirtiest Word.............................................. .................................
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MUD

[Pull~My~Hair]

here...dead babies galore

[drewblood]

oh man

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?








When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

[sheramil]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender yells at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little jerk. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first."

[kyttiewitch]

A Mom and dad with there little daughter were walking through the zoo when they saw two turtles mating. The little girl asked "mommy what are they doing?" Not knowing what to say the mother just replied that they were making cupcakes.
The next day the little girl comes up to the mom and says "Mommy were you and daddy making cupcakes last night?" The mom asks "why?"

The little girls goes "because I just licked all the icing off the couch."

[Vitorro]

A man and His family are driving through the desert, when they see a naked Indian, laying on the roadside, with a hard on.. they drive by, but a few miles on , there is another one, and another and another. After seeing several more, the Dad is really disturbed and pulls over asking the Indian why all of them were naked, lying on the roadside nad have hardons, the Indian says" this is how We tell time, like a sundial"
Well, the Dad accepts the answer, not wanting to deny the Indian His Heritage, and drives on. But the next Indian He sees ia standing, and jacking off , so He stops and jumps out yelling at the m\Indian" GODDAM, I have kids in the car and they keep seeing all You naked indians, with hardons and I can accept telling time as an age old tradition, but WTF are You doing jacking off in plain view??"!!!! The Indian looks at him and says "What?? all I am doing is winding My watch"

[Hannibal666]

Hello, I am new here. I saw a request for dead baby jokes, a favorite of mine, so I am sharing one that never fails to get the right response.

How do you get 20 dead babys into a bowl?

Put them in a blender.

How do you get them back out?

Tortilla Chips.

[Vitorro]

Oy Hannibal... Greets, enjoy the Boards I know I do on a regular basis

[kyttiewitch]

ok a dead baby joke ...
whats worse then 16 babys in one basket?


1 baby in 16 baskets



Kids joke that still makes me laugh

Why is the tomatoe red?

Because he saw the salad dressing.

[Umbilical Lotus]

What's 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night?

Crib death.

[keiko]

Where does a king keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!
K