yeah, so i finally have time to breathe and i thought i'd share one of my latest adventures in hollywood with you... i swear, i need to keep my friends with me at all times... because when i'm by myself i always seem to get into a fight...
basic jist, i spent all day sunday and monday with a dear friend of mine in the hospital... not complaining in ANY way, but i didn't sleep much... i kept having nightmares about my friend... and i needed to really help her in and out of bed... and i was there to keep her company and keep her brave... tell her jokes... help her eat/drink... keep people out of her room... you know, just be the family she really needed at this time...
and the days before that, well, i worked a 18 hour day on a video shoot... and celebrated my birthday... things like this that well, for five days i had a total of a little less than 15 hours sleep, and it wasn't solid sleep at that, like all in hour/two hour intervals, at that...... i had a triple espresso before i walked into work... then walked down to the nearest coffee shop to get some more because i was fighting with everything i had in me to stay awake... it turns out that time was finally catching up with me...
so i'm crossing the parking lot when this homeless guy hollers really loud, "Hey RED!" i know he's hollering at me, but i'm having trouble literally keeping myself coherant and i'm shaking from being so tired and my blood sugar is so low... and i just keep walking... i mean, seriously, i live in hollywood, if i gave a nickel to every homeless person that asked for change on just say the walk either to or from my work, i'd be broke before i got to my destination... not that i'm desensitized, but it's well, i've learned, give them food don't give them change... i can't afford that... well... he switched things up and started screaming at me "Hey BITCH!" now, i wasn't going to run... i wasn't going to turn away either... i was 20 feet from the coffee shop's entrance... i needed that caffeine... and all of a sudden that fucking son of a bitch grabs my elbow, calling me a bitch and starts shaking me, bitching me out because how the fuck dare i ignore him... he needs "some change, because (he) needs some damn cigarettes"... that's right, this fucking son of a bitch grabs me, shakes me, cusses me out, assaults me because he needs some cigarettes...
(now let me comment on this... i used to smoke 2 packs of malboro red's king size in a box a day... more if i was stressed out... and NEVER in my life did i ever think about attacking someone for one... i've done some other desperate things, like dig around in my ashtrays and roll up a cigarettes with what's been left of butts... but damn if i'd attack a stranger for one... jack ass...)
but i'll tell you what, all of my fury of everything i've been going through for the last few months, and aggrivation from all the lack of sleep, and frustration of not completing all of my work came out... and i tried to pull my right arm lose from his grip, he gripped tighter... so i balled up my left fist and slammed it squarely in his dirty filthy face... and he still wouldn't let go and now he's screaming in my face, with spittle flying on me... and i pulled back my left fist and slammed it in his eye... and when he let go that time howling in pain, then i punched him with a solid right upper cut... he hit the fucking ground and i towered over that fucking son of a bitch, shaking my fist at him, "GET THE FUCK UP!" and he's fucking screaming "She fucking hit me... That bitch fucking hit me..." and i'm screaming at him "GET THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKER! COME ON AND GRAB AT ME AGAIN! TOUCH ME AGAIN YOU FUCKER!" it was so surreal for me. i mean, i was so sleep deprived that it was like it was happening to someone else, not me. the security guard for the lot finally starts to run over and the homeless gets up and starts running away. i just look down at my fingers which are red and throbbing and proceed into the coffee shop.
everyone's looking at me like i'm some horror movie monster, straight out of the black lagoon, i rose. i don't know. but i just walked up to the counter, and ordered my order.
On the walk back, I'll admit it... I was super pissed... I didn't want to press charges, that son of a bitch being knocked down by me was all the humilation he needed, because he wasn't a small guy... I was mad because there's this parking lot full of all of these guys... these humans... and though I obviously didn't need it... NOT ONE OF THEM even shouted in this jack asses direction when he started cussing at me... I didn't talk rudely to the fucker... I didn't talk to him at all... I didn't make eye contact with him until he touched me... Then I refused to break it until he ran away... I know I can face my own demons, and stand on my own...
But see, this shit happens all the time in Hollywood... What happened to men being gentlemen? I'm not a "damsel in distress", but fuck, there's a big difference of a guy who stood at least 6' 2" grabbing and shaking a woman who's clearly not expecting or deserving trouble who is easily a 100 pounds lighter and a half of a foot smaller... Where was the fucking guy who just says "Hey man, back up, leave her alone..." ? What would have happened if I was a woman who couldn't fight? And he stood there shaking me...??? Was it the way I look with my black punked out jeans? My fire engine red and black hair? Was it my rock t-shirt? What was it about me that the, and I counted while waiting for my order, 15 guys IN VIEW of the situation there in that parking lot/coffee shop couldn't get the fucking balls to stand up and go "Hey buddy, back off..."??? Or were these people treating me as I treated that homeless guy???
It's fucking twisted and hurt my brain, so I've quick thinking about it today, but I'm asking you...
What do you think? Is it Hollywood? Desensitized? Is chilvary dead? A culture/class/caste seperation?
I'm a psycho magnet, more so when I have this crazy red hair... I don't mouth off... I don't start this shit... I'll fucking finish it, but I don't go out looking for a fight... Situations of which you just read happen to me all the time? And the scary part is, when there are witnesses, no one gets involved...
It's a fucking scary world we live in...
Okay, going to make me some dinner and hit the sack... I still need to catch up on some much needed sleep...
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