When you think someone is your friend, but . . .

[Amelia G]

What do you do when you think someone is your friend, but they kinda talk bad about other people pretty often? Especially if some of those other people think they are friends with the person, I know I wonder what that person says about me, when I am not there.

What do you do if you think someone like that is your friend, but you start hearing rumors to the contrary? Do you accept that a person like that just talks trash about their friends, but still likes their friends? Do you write the person off? Do you confront them? What if you confront them and they tell you they are all good with you, but you hear rumors to the contrary?

I just don't know how to parse out that sort of behavior, when a supposed friend treats me or others that way. I don't know what to make of it.

[Velvet-Tongue]

Those are 90% of my "friends" haha. I've just accepted it as part of life. I have a very small, group of real friends who I sing only praises about. Those are gonna be your real homeys..the rest are just filler to get you through the day.

[DeviantMommy]

I've learned that if a friend is constantly trash-talking about others,you are not an exception,no matter how close you think you are. Trash talkers are trash talkers,it's just a part of thier chemical makeup or something. Maybe it makes them feel superior,maybe it's a defence mechanism,maybe they're just assholes. Who knows? But I personally think there is a time and a place for such things,and it's called High School. I have been out of high school for quite a few years now,so I have no stomach for gossip or slander anymore. I really only have a smattering of loyal friends,1 really,that aren't related to me. And that's probably the reason..some people just never get over highschool drama/gossip..and I've discovered that those people just serve to make life unpleasant and unnessessarily complicated. So now I just avoid them at all costs. It was a hard lesson to learn,it took losing my very best friend to realise it. Some people have no sence of loyality,out of sight,out of mind.

[DeviantMommy]

Btw,hi Amelia.I love what you've done w/ the place..::smiley::

[LoraLie]

I pretty much am with Velvet-Tongue on this one.

I've just accepted that it happens and do my best not to take part in it. Its really bad in small schools like mine -.-
everyone talks about everyone & . . . . everyone is really nosey . . . and loves gossip

I got lucky and my best friend is a trash talker from time to time, but never about me or her closest of friends.
Which is another reason I can tolerate it.

I dont react to well about it when I hear that a 'friend' is talking about me . . .

[CorporateGoth]

Well said, DeviantMommy..... I learned long ago that it is wise to choose very carefully who is worthy of actually being a "friend". You can have aquaintences along the way, but dont let them get close enough to hurt you. If they turn on you, you flush em...quick.
My wife went through a series of events where someone she called a friend did just that...shit talked her all over, and it took her a long long time to get over it. She's the type of person (or was) who lets people get close quick and she gets hurt easily. In the end, she was left wondering why the hell someone would even do that, but thats the way some...no....way too many people are.

[kellie]

I have a "friend" like that. She has explosions with all of her friends, and loses those who are close to her often. I have tried to avoid talking to her recently, because mutual friends have told me all the things/lies/shit she has said about me recently. She has also recently become...(shall I say?) addicted to prescription speed and I dont know if this is a result of the drugs or not. Either way Im ready to stay away for a while.
Confronting her would do no good, as she blows everything up in her mind, and would turn the situation around and act as if I were the one doing something wrong. In any other situation I would definitly confront the person, and let them know that I didnt appreciate what was being said, and that we will no longer continue to be friends if it continues.

[TheDeathKnight]

Well, it depends if it is childish, and harsh, and spiteful.
That kind of stuff is lame, and stupid.

But I do find myself being the "confidant" for my friends, when they want to bitch about other mutual friends. Mainly because they know I know them too, and they trust me not to blab. So it's a way for them to get out their frustrations with their other friends, and talk it out, so they get it out of their system. I think if they did not have anyone to vent to, they would probably eventually explode on their friend, and it would be a big mess. So I tend to look at it as venting, and try to add a little bit of a voice of reason to the whole thing...

[Sara X]

It depends on how bad it is and whether you are willing to put up with it. I feel certain that if someone I know is doing that to their other friends (especially the fake-nice then "God I can't STAND HER" thing as soon as the other party is out of earshot) they do it to me too. Sometimes it seems like a strange way that people try to win "cool points", or feel better about themselves. It's certainly cowardly not to fess up to it in any case.

[Jebadiah]

I don't think you like "those" kind of people. And I think if you judge this person guilty of this kind of behavior, their out.

But, do they normally do it in first person, as in "I was with Sally last night and she was so..." because if so,then they may just need a talking to about discretion.