What's the deal breaker for you in a romantic afffair?

[Scar]

What's the deal breaker for you in a romantic afffair?

Are there things that you wont put up with, no matter what, even though you are patient in other areas where others might not be?

I have an annual summer depression, and when it comes about I start trying to figure out what's causing it (forgetting every year, even when I remind myself, that is is merely my annual summer depression). Recently I have been analyzing my love affair, trying to figure out if I am happy in it, and why. So that, my friends, is why this question comes about.

For me, I will not put up with....
lying
racism
closed-mindedness (as a general personality flaw... I know some people are more or less open minded than others but as long as someone strives not to be judgemental they are OK in my book)

Other than that I am pretty OK with being very different or similar to the people I date, although sometimes being too different can tend to make me feel isolated.....

Ramble ramble, my turns over.... you vent!

[TheDeathKnight]

Lying is a big one.

Unwillingness to work on problems.
(Problems are ok, as long as you are working towards fixing them...)

I guess cheating could be one, depending on the circumstances.
It depends of the relationship. Obviously I am talking about a situation where the person is cheating, but not lying about it. In that case it depends if it is something done with approval, and understanding, or something done in a mean way or without concern for the other person. Which generally goes back to the second issue, being willing to work on problems. If you aren't happy with the relationship, then work on it, don't just look for answers elsewhere... If it's just sex, then it should be done with your partner's approval and understanding. Otherwise it's disrespectful, and I won't tolerate it.

Obviously you mentioned stuff like racism, etc. I would assume that most of the time you wouldn't get involved with someone like that to begin with. But sometimes you don't know until later, I suppose. And yes, in that case, there are some things that I am pretty incompatible with.

I think it would be really hard to have any kind of long-term relationship with someone who was really dumb. Again, back to #2, if that is a problem they are working on, and trying to learn more, and get smarter, then that might be ok.

Some habits, like smoking, aren't quite a dealbreaker, but close. I don't mind people's own personal habits, such as drugs, drinking, different tastes in music, different lifestyles, etc. But some things do tend to intrude into your life. Like habitual use of hard drugs like heroin, coke, or meth, tend to cause a lot of havoc, that I don't really care to deal with on a long-term basis.

[Mr Karl]

not haveing thier own source of income, and I don'tmind lying but at least keep track of them all, then I give points for intelligence. I guess the main thing is, dont make me think I'm bored and wasteing my time

[Amelia G]

If someone ever says "I hate you" when I tell them something good which happened to me, no matter how much they think they are kidding, that is a dealbreaker. I need a partner to be able to be happy for me, to feel pleasure at my happiness and sympathy with my concerns.

Other than that, probably not a lot of absolute dealbreakers, although of course I have preferences.

Anyone spending much time with me probably needs to be able to function along the spectrum from nice restaurants to crazy afterparties, quiet informed debates to silly raucous road trips.

I don't think I would be interested in anyone for more than a couple of days, unless they were very bright, not necessarily formally educated but intelligent and sharp.

[One Eyed Cat]

I don't think I'll fall in love again. Thus, the contract is never signed. Beyond that, if you annoy or bore me you can call your own taxi. I do get pretty irate at lies and deliberate misrepresentations. I'm pretty forthright in this area, I just get bitter and wonder why???? why to me? Sex? eh sex is just sex. It's about trust and a true connection. Unwillingness to work things out, as mentioned, is another one that really annoys me. People call "drama" things that are really them maintaining just a bit of passive-aggression for their own protection. Utterly ridiculous.

Jackie T

[Wickedanima]

I do get pretty irate at lies and deliberate misrepresentations.

Yeah, that's a big one for me. Alot of deals broke because people couldn't just be flat out honest (aka I'm just wanting to play right now, I'm just settling for you... blah blah). The other dealbreaker for me is people claiming 'honesty' when in fact they are simply being rude, harsh, and mean.

[One Eyed Cat]

Yeah, that's a big one for me. Alot of deals broke because people couldn't just be flat out honest (aka I'm just wanting to play right now, I'm just settling for you... blah blah). The other dealbreaker for me is people claiming 'honesty' when in fact they are simply being rude, harsh, and mean.

People do sometimes use "honesty" as an excuse to bash folks. It's a line you'll always recognize when someone crosses it. I don't mind brutal truths, as long as they don't use them just to be malicious when it is uncalled for (and often disingenuous even)

Jackie T

[Superna]

scar... call me because we need to work on our relationship

For me, the deal breaker usually is me. I get to a point where the line has been crossed and my opinion of that person is changed forever. It has happened with so many different things. I don't usually stick around for those that lie, disrespect, and argue .... hypocrits are on the kick rocks list too

[a_small_death]

The two big deal deal breakers for me is lying and cheating. I can put up with alot but those are two things that are the big deal breakers for me. Back in the day though I used to be alot more petty about shit. The deal breaker could be anything. I guess one has to grow up a little bit some time.

[c4wolf]

Yeah, that's a big one for me. Alot of deals broke because people couldn't just be flat out honest (aka I'm just wanting to play right now, I'm just settling for you... blah blah). The other dealbreaker for me is people claiming 'honesty' when in fact they are simply being rude, harsh, and mean.

the lies or some call it half truths. the ones that hide the real truth. they are all lies... to me anyway. Theres a no return to trust from that point. brutal honesty sometimes.. ok most time does hurt... wether u r bashing someone or not.. it the brutal truth in that person eyes
doesn;t make it right...

[TheDeathKnight]

Yeah, the most common form of people who claim they do not lie, is people who "fail to mention" things that happened. They claim the only lie is when you ask a question, and they give a deceptive answer. Sorry, but honesty means having the balls to be honest, and tell me things that might hurt. Even if I did not ask you about them... Sometimes it's not honesty about cheating, etc. But honesty about the fact that they are not happy about the relationship, etc...

[Xochitl]

#1. Lying
#2. Racism - of course
#3. Substance abuse
#4. $$ abuse
#5. Selfishness

Lying is a big no-no & I don't put up with it. Cheating falls in with the lying, if you are interested in situations outside of what I have with you the, please tell me. If you sneak around, I will find out & when I do..... I don't like being made a fool, I generally get to personally pay my karmic debt back on that one too.

Racism is a big one, I dated a guy once who started bagging on jews. I politely told him that is about half of what I am, you should have seen his face. Needless to say, I didn't talk to him again. If you hate anyone your kids will not only marry that group you hate but bring grandkids out of it. Fortunately the rest of the guys were not racists, although I cannot say the same for their parents.

Substance abuse especially at my age is just tired. Nothin' wrong with having a good time but seriously if you need to get loaded all the time, see ya later. It is expensive, and if you think your life is that bad that you need an escape then help is in order.

I guess $$ abuse goes here. This is one large reason why I am no longer with the person I was with for years. Probably a lot of what the last explaination of was. I don't want a millionaire but someone who after 30 can maintain their financial situation is a must or you gotta go! They say $ is one of the biggest reasons for divorce and break-ups and that is VERY true!

If it is a chore to be involved with me & you are in it to fuck, say so. However, being selfish and thinking of yourself and pretending your care when you don't and don't want the bruise to your ego when I have my own life despite you ain't cool. If you are "relating" to me then do or or just admit why you are there, you will at least get some respect for me for honesty. I won't wait around for you but I will at least realize you have some character. Often selfish types, act like the care when it is best for them, hence the word selfish. Usually when in need of $ or sex. I won't put up with it.

[bohoki]

hmm

how about would you mind if i shove this baseball bat up your kooch

[VoltaireBlue]

dishonesty of any kind... there alot of kinds of lies.
that and mistrust.

[inox]

dishonesty of any kind... there alot of kinds of lies.
that and mistrust.

Indeed, deception of any kind is a dealbreaker for me.

I also will not tolerate the use of most recreational drugs beyond extremely occasional pot/shrooms use, as I don't do drugs myself, have been around a lot of people who have, and don't need that noise in my life at this point.

[One Eyed Cat]

Indeed, deception of any kind is a dealbreaker for me.

I also will not tolerate the use of most recreational drugs beyond extremely occasional pot/shrooms use, as I don't do drugs myself, have been around a lot of people who have, and don't need that noise in my life at this point.

"In recovery" is one I am grappling with. I definitely would not tolerate the drug use beyond what you mention.

Jackie T

[VoltaireBlue]

Indeed, deception of any kind is a dealbreaker for me.

I also will not tolerate the use of most recreational drugs beyond extremely occasional pot/shrooms use, as I don't do drugs myself, have been around a lot of people who have, and don't need that noise in my life at this point.

agreed. I can't really tolerate anything other than occasional pot or alcohol use, since I occasionally use those. anything else is not acceptable. I don't need that shit in my life aat this point either.....

[TheDeathKnight]

Yeah, anything that is highly addictive, is bound to turn into a habit at some point. It might take 10 years. People don't hit bottom overnight. But still, you don't want to be in love with someone that is going to be on a downhill slide to hit bottom. Because at some point you are either going to have to cut them off, until they get help, or they are going to die. And either one is no fun, if you love the person.

Like you said, occasional use of alcohol, pot, acid, E, etc, is not really a problem. But people who have a regular habit of coke, heroin, or meth, are bad news...

[AnnieAnatomy]

Lying is a very much a Pet peeve for me, as is cheating- my ex BF did both and it really broke me down- I got so tired of being disappointed in him.

Mistrust is a big one also, I often find this goes with some one who lies themselves because they can't believe that others aren’t lying: if you can't trust me then I don't want to know you!

The last thing I hate are overly dependant lovers who turn me into mommy, I love you but I’m NOT going to wipe your ass for you, I like being the domme in the relationship but that is just TOO far!

[evilstonermonkey]

i think the biggest deal breaker for me in any affair would be the fact that it is an affair!!

lies and betrayal are pretty obvious nonos, but aside from them the biggest thing for me would be prejudice. if my girlfriend ever said anything racist or sexist, they would have about 30 seconds to pull themselves out of the hole before they were dumped.

[OliX]

moustache

[inox]

Like you said, occasional use of alcohol, pot, acid, E, etc, is not really a problem. But people who have a regular habit of coke, heroin, or meth, are bad news...

Actually, I don't want to deal with someone who's using acid and/or E every now & then.

Basically, if the recreational drug requires a laboratory, I don't want to date someone who does it.

[seeker]

Racism, people who will not think for themselves, lying, cheating, I am very open in my beliefs & if you want to try something/ someone new tell me first- it does not hurt to communicate your thoughts.

[evilstonermonkey]

exactly

[Tinman]

Honesty really, them being honest with u, and u with them.
Pretty much covers all the areas, if ur not honest either way ur lying to them or ur self, if ur in it for "just sex", etc b honest
If u live a different life than what they might except b honest better now than 10 yrs down the line when ur forced to b honest with ur kids why u n mum r gettin a divorce, all my relationships had boundries that we set, eg u dont like drugs, they dont like sex everyday for breakfast, balance, give n take is what its all about i found boundries stopped the blurring of the lines between lie n "something i just didnt tell u!" if ur wit a person something must of attracted u n like TheDeathKnight said if u cant work through it, or arent willing, its game over, And Wickedanima if ur brutaly honest from the start it wont be like a weapon when u r honest and those who use it as a weapon just arent worth ur time or effort

[keiko]

Lying- almost goes with out saying. It's one thing to be a decent story teller/actor it's entirely another to carry that over into your personal life.

Selfishness- a relationship is a two way street. You get some, I get some. Telling me "NO" and then making excuses to tell yourself "YES" is just not right. Fair is Fair.

....omg its too effing hot in here. When I can think again I'll go on.

~K

[Bikerpunk]

A penis.

[Tinman]

A penis.

Ratfl

[kclark]

Self esteem, sanity, sobriety....it seems like I subconsciously screen people with these qualities out somehow. This is something I have to work on in order to fully realize my full relationship potential.

Other than that, if someone puts on clown make-up, a red-nose, and a bright wig, you will see me beating feet like a ***** ape through the Kevin sized hole in the nearest wall.

[Tinman]

Dont say u dont like clowns!
There s a thead bout clowns round here somewere lol
Release the Balloon animals from captivity LOL!

[Bikerpunk]

Oh, and any sorority type bullshit.

Anyone who buys into that dorky-assed "Greek" bullshit - well, whatever blows your hair back but almost EVERYONE I've met who's done that whole Southern belle/Southern boy stuff has been a weapons grade asshole.



Now, I could be wrong, and I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong.