Sometimes I am afraid to make friends.....

[Scar]

I have been hurt so many times by people sometimes I am afraid to make new friends at all.

My friend once gave me some useful info.... only the people you care about can hurt you, so it is worth it to resolve the problems, cause if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt.... or something like that..... it may seem like a totally obvious statement but it's hard to remember sometimes when you are hurting/ angry that the best way to fix it is to make-up.....

I have had numerous experiences with long term friends giving me brief reasons as to why they are terminating our friendships. My lover man says it's cause I try not to be judgmental of people but most people tend to be very judgmental, so I get the short end of the stick..... anyhow, it sucks every time.

Do you guys ever feel reluctant to making friends? Do you ever get scared of the eventual outcome?

[Bikerpunk]

I have been hurt so many times by people sometimes I am afraid to make new friends at all.

My friend once gave me some useful info.... only the people you care about can hurt you, so it is worth it to resolve the problems, cause if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt.... or something like that..... it may seem like a totally obvious statement but it's hard to remember sometimes when you are hurting/ angry that the best way to fix it is to make-up.....

I have had numerous experiences with long term friends giving me brief reasons as to why they are terminating our friendships. My lover man says it's cause I try not to be judgmental of people but most people tend to be very judgmental, so I get the short end of the stick..... anyhow, it sucks every time.

Do you guys ever feel reluctant to making friends? Do you ever get scared of the eventual outcome?

Most people, Scar, aren't worth the squirt of piss it would take to put them out if they were on fire.

Good people, you hold onto.

And for the record, if they want nothing to do with you anymore, fuck em. (Not literally).

I'm too old to screw around with drama and bullshit anymore, and as I get older, I grow even less tolerant.

I do well by my friends, and I don't expect the same, but those that return it, I'll be completely there for.

[Amelia G]

I enjoy being open to meeting new people, but I have definitely become much slower to trust and let people in too far.

There are some people who seek intimacy solely for the power trip they get from betraying trust.

Of course, there are lots of good people in the world as well, but sometimes one bad apple can make a person awfully anxious about the whole batch. At this point, there are a number of things someone can do or say early on in knowing them, which once I might have dismissed as inconsequential, but which now will totally make it so that person will never be someone I can be friends with. Sort of litmus tests of what kind of person I think they are. Kind of like when someone does really awful things to other people, waiting around for them to do the same awful thing to you is sorta unwise.

[Bikerpunk]

Of course, there are lots of good people in the world as well, but sometimes one bad apple can make a person awfully anxious about the whole batch.

One of the many reasons I don't date.

Amelia G for the win, that was a good post overall.

[Mr Karl]

don't have friends, I do have a lot of colleagues that I get along with very well though.....

[TheDeathKnight]

I tend to have a decent amount of friends, but few *close* friends.

I expect people to come and go, and flake out.

So if you expect very little, you are rarely let down.

[Scar]

don't have friends, I do have a lot of colleagues that I get along with very well though.....

:-( Aw :-(

[Wickedanima]

I don't generally get too close to people. I'm a bit of an odd bird, which on top of all the typical trust issues, makes me hard to be friends with me.I don't often miss people oddly enough... I'm one of those people that ended up LOVING the internet for the odd scewed kind of intimacy that it creates, and if you need to pull away, all you have to do is not sign on to messangers, or stop visiting the website for a while.

[evilstonermonkey]

i got hurt by a lot of people, including some of the people closest to me. now i have a whole collection of trust issues and intimacy problems. i dont like people; i dont like meeting new people; i dont let people get close to me ever, and im finding myself pushing away those who were already close to me; i dont like to be touched - i put a lot of effort into not flinching away whenever people touch me (and for some reason everyone wants to shake my hand); so yeah, new friends are kinda not my strong point

[VoltaireBlue]

I find that the more I get fucked over by people, the less it hurts. and the less I am surprised. join my club of misanthopes; it's relatively painless after a while...

[Scar]

I find that the more I get fucked over by people, the less it hurts. and the less I am surprised. join my club of misanthopes; it's relatively painless after a while...

:-( this thread is kinda sad

[evilstonermonkey]

i was just thinkin that. since when was BB sadsack central?
CHEER UP, YA PACKA LOSERS!!!
(cos, y'know, i can talk)

[TheDeathKnight]

/emo

[Mr Karl]

:-( Aw :-(

it's actually pretty good, you never know who you can really rely on until you work with them.

[Vaughn]

the friends I do have are always tryin to kill me as it is...don't think I could handle new ones.

[theUnclean]

I enjoy meeting new people, but I don't make friends anymore.
Friends are those you trust, that you know and that know you. And trust is something earned and burned. So fuck all that.
I would have to agree with BikerPunk, as I've gotten older, I find myself with little tolerance for 'little' lies, and the drama of the fucktarded population in general.

[TheDeathKnight]

I find that it's usually *you* that is the one getting yourself upset about things. People are what they are. People are flaky, and people are self-centered. You just take it personally when someone does not call, or does not let you know when they are going to do something without you, etc... If you just expect people to do what they want to do, and do not place any expectations on the friendship, you can enjoy the time you do spend with cool and interesting people. But most of the time friendships get fucked up, because people get all bent out of shape about what the other person did, or did not do. Just let them do what they want to do. If they want to hang out with you, or confide in you, then great. But if they decide to hang out with other friends for a while, so be it... It's not the end of the world. For example, I tell my friends that it would be cool to hang out this coming weekend. If they call me back, great. If not, I will go do something else. But I won't get pissed if they don't call. Other people would...

[Scar]

I find that it's usually *you* that is the one getting yourself upset about things. People are what they are. People are flaky, and people are self-centered. You just take it personally when someone does not call, or does not let you know when they are going to do something without you, etc... If you just expect people to do what they want to do, and do not place any expectations on the friendship, you can enjoy the time you do spend with cool and interesting people. But most of the time friendships get fucked up, because people get all bent out of shape about what the other person did, or did not do. Just let them do what they want to do. If they want to hang out with you, or confide in you, then great. But if they decide to hang out with other friends for a while, so be it... It's not the end of the world. For example, I tell my friends that it would be cool to hang out this coming weekend. If they call me back, great. If not, I will go do something else. But I won't get pissed if they don't call. Other people would...

so well said :-)

[P I L O T]

"A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still: you must not want to see everything. "-fn

[Exquisite]

I think its hard really these days, I mean not that it was any easier 5 years ago, but as I get older ... gah ... I don't trust as easily. That might be experience or just cynicism creeping in. On the up side I really care less what people think of me so I tend to put it out there more. I have Squishy ... my husband ... and he really is my BFF. Other than that I have very few good friends, most of them know my nuttiness, some don't, but even though they are good friends they aren't the same kind you had when you were 10 and would die for each other.

I agree with what you said DeathKnight, simply because forcing a friendship is no way to make it stronger either.

Mind you I think if I could run into people "irl" like you guys here, i.e. open minded, warped but sane, I'd have a lot more friends.

*hugs for Scar* wish I could buy you a drink luv and we could talk about art, politics, boys and the best place to buy shoes ... I miss doing that with my best friend who died when I was 20. *hugs for Idernander too* Now that was one crazy chica!

[Bikerpunk]

I just know that after two severe heartbreaks, I am not giving the female race the chance at a third.

[Mr Karl]

I just know that after two severe heartbreaks, I am not giving the female race the chance at a third.

uh, kinda sounds like your blaming women for your mistakes

sorry.....I've just heard those exact same words too many times

[drewblood]

it's all dead weight.... let it go.

"The secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings."

[Black Spiral Dancer]

I have had some problems with trusting girlfriends since I've been hurt a lot of times in the past. Being married now, I don't have that problem.

[Bikerpunk]

uh, kinda sounds like your blaming women for your mistakes

sorry.....I've just heard those exact same words too many times

Touche.

Ow.

No, blame isn't the right word, though. Just you know, like babies and dingoes, not a good idea to combine the two in certain ways.

[TheDeathKnight]

Being married now, I don't have that problem.

Let me know how that works out for you...

[Exquisite]

I just know that after two severe heartbreaks, I am not giving the female race the chance at a third.

*hugs* that is exactly when you will find Her ... you stop looking, she walks into the same coffee shop and whamo =)

[Bikerpunk]

*hugs* that is exactly when you will find Her ... you stop looking, she walks into the same coffee shop and whamo =)

And she can stroll on. Why not skip directly to the breakup first, without the intervening stuff?

[Amelia G]

And she can stroll on. Why not skip directly to the breakup first, without the intervening stuff?

I'm pretty sure the breakup part isn't supposed to be the fun portion of the show.

[Bikerpunk]

I'm pretty sure the breakup part isn't supposed to be the fun portion of the show.

More along the lines of - "okay, so, you'll get this awesome slice of cake, and then in return you get kicked in the balls really hard."

After a while you kind of say "I'll skip the whole cake/ballstomping thanks."

[OliX]

I have been hurt so many times by people sometimes I am afraid to make new friends at all.

My friend once gave me some useful info.... only the people you care about can hurt you, so it is worth it to resolve the problems, cause if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt.... or something like that..... it may seem like a totally obvious statement but it's hard to remember sometimes when you are hurting/ angry that the best way to fix it is to make-up.....

I have had numerous experiences with long term friends giving me brief reasons as to why they are terminating our friendships. My lover man says it's cause I try not to be judgmental of people but most people tend to be very judgmental, so I get the short end of the stick..... anyhow, it sucks every time.

Do you guys ever feel reluctant to making friends? Do you ever get scared of the eventual outcome?

you didn't stated female friends or male friends or just overal....

fact is that EVERY friend-relationship starts with sexual atraction from at least one side....

you sound like very clever BUT very sensibile person.... so... only thing you lack is guidance, parentlike guidance from parents or person who's "a real friend" and not some control freak sociopat (some parents love but they don't know how to love!)

Remember one thing! Learn where your borders are and when to stop!

I can only guess that you are very erotic and orgasmic woman and that your body language gives out more than you would like to say and that people even when not understanding it accept these messages unintentionaly... try with crossing your hands and making eyecontact with person you feel uncofortable with. No chat! Works every time for me

Or just fuck the hell out of them so they get enough of you and move on..... humans are teritorial and one of best complexes which you can use to manipulate them is their greed. Greed for whatever they want


egaugnal ydob yduts

[OliX]

I'm pretty sure the breakup part isn't supposed to be the fun portion of the show.

relationship mostly gets stronger after breakups if it ever comes back because that way some things comes up that "participants" were holding long inside of them.

If people would just talk and be honest and just be plain good........



I'm afraid of love too.... not the love for my family and some close friends but the love for my other half if it's ever to come

[Flesh-Odium]

I have been hurt so many times by people sometimes I am afraid to make new friends at all.

My friend once gave me some useful info.... only the people you care about can hurt you, so it is worth it to resolve the problems, cause if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt.... or something like that..... it may seem like a totally obvious statement but it's hard to remember sometimes when you are hurting/ angry that the best way to fix it is to make-up.....

I have had numerous experiences with long term friends giving me brief reasons as to why they are terminating our friendships. My lover man says it's cause I try not to be judgmental of people but most people tend to be very judgmental, so I get the short end of the stick..... anyhow, it sucks every time.

Do you guys ever feel reluctant to making friends? Do you ever get scared of the eventual outcome?

I'am beyond scared.. I'm terrified....

I lost my one and only true friend (and I mean it.. I hung out with no one but her... I disliked people to much to make propper friends... but she broke into my walls, and earned my trust) anyways.... yeah.... 3 years of being joined at the hip and reaking havoc to the small town we existed in, and enjoying our similar random anarchistic personalities... she was my wall, my cream to my coffee, and my reason for wakeing up in the morning... suddenly.. after an unexplained downward spiral of her compliance to visit, or even talk to me.. (which lasted half a year) she jumped town.. tis been about a year and some since.... and I still hurt, and fear and loathe the thought of letting ANYONE into my life like that again...

[One Eyed Cat]

It's always toughest when moving to a new town. I really like the city I'm living in. For the most part, people maintain a healthy cordiality. I did have a few incidents of people ingratiating themselves to me for the wrong reasons. I blame my own misreading of intents therein. The problem being: Resetting boundaries in a locality requires a bit of brutality. So yeah, it can suck. I would suggest giving people chances but having low expectations. When people exceed them, you'll just be that much happier.

I've had to eliminate a lot of unhealthy associations in the last 5 years. People may be entertaining or fun, but that does not make them good or wise. I look more for productive v. non-productive relationships at this point. My friends are battle-tested. 90% have been with me for over half my lifetime.

It does suck when you misread a situation. There are some shady fucks out there. Conversely, I did lose one good person in '07. One has to see both sides of the coin. It's also best not to personalize these matters when you need not. We are all fallible. Our peeps will reveal themselves in due time. Always have for me. Always will.

JT

[Head Wreck]

mah, i get on with everyone but i only have a few friends, and they have to earn that through a certan length of time in contact with them. i like to study people first and its a grace period for them to get on with me as i tend to piss people off a lot as i tend to be very blunt with how i think, and i dont often have the right words at hand.

who i do consider a friend i am fiercly loyal to. but i wont shy away from telling them to wind thier neck in at times, after all i dont know i'm being an asshole unless i'm told so

[OrganizedKhaos]

I have been hurt so many times by people sometimes I am afraid to make new friends at all.

My friend once gave me some useful info.... only the people you care about can hurt you, so it is worth it to resolve the problems, cause if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt.... or something like that..... it may seem like a totally obvious statement but it's hard to remember sometimes when you are hurting/ angry that the best way to fix it is to make-up.....

I have had numerous experiences with long term friends giving me brief reasons as to why they are terminating our friendships. My lover man says it's cause I try not to be judgmental of people but most people tend to be very judgmental, so I get the short end of the stick..... anyhow, it sucks every time.

Do you guys ever feel reluctant to making friends? Do you ever get scared of the eventual outcome?

ABSOLUTELY!!!! I completely agree, I have the same prob. I'm practically a hermit. I'm searching for a real REAL friend, because some people can inflict SEVERE damage.
I know, I'm a sensitive person..... I think all artists at heart are......
Meeting people is tricky, because people in general are capable of such good, as well as evil and upon meeting them, they may seem nice (being a front)
and as time wears on, I'm like what did I get myself into
when all the while, all I wanted was a friend
and in the realm of pain, it seems like everyone is out for themselves.... and theres no good people out there.

There is a potential evil capability in us all.... as well as a potential goodness.
Most people dont care which side their on, and they dont observe all the people they crush along the way

I treat people the way I wanted to be treated.... and I always make a promise to new friends that I may be human, and I may accidently hurt your feelings, but I will never do it on purpose.

[Wynden Nightshade]

I have very few close friends...but i have habits most people don't understand and can't seem to accept. When i was younger I tried to get into the social scene but was always "the strange chick" nobody would talk to. Lets put it this way in highschool i was labled "Most likely to end up in an institution" These days....LOL...aren't much better so I hide in my house...but keep in mind i live in the south. New Orleans closest place i feel okay about walking out in public (how many people ya hear say that? lol) and it is 2 hours drive...so yeah....I'd say I don't make friends well...most people are out to get you and the rest just want to make you feel bad about yourself to make themselves feel better.....aren't I a cheerful one?!!? Have a nice day.

[Solace_in_the_snow]

the friends I do have are always tryin to kill me as it is...don't think I could handle new ones.

Ya thats how me and my few friends are. We attack each other with swords, knifes, paintball guns, staffs, and of corse cans of diet soda. But when any of us are in trouble we all band together. I have no friends after all. Just one big familey. You are welcome to join my familey Scar.

[a_small_death]

I have been hurt so many times by people sometimes I am afraid to make new friends at all.

My friend once gave me some useful info.... only the people you care about can hurt you, so it is worth it to resolve the problems, cause if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt.... or something like that..... it may seem like a totally obvious statement but it's hard to remember sometimes when you are hurting/ angry that the best way to fix it is to make-up.....

I have had numerous experiences with long term friends giving me brief reasons as to why they are terminating our friendships. My lover man says it's cause I try not to be judgmental of people but most people tend to be very judgmental, so I get the short end of the stick..... anyhow, it sucks every time.

Do you guys ever feel reluctant to making friends? Do you ever get scared of the eventual outcome?

Maybe we are all just afraid of Americans

[OliX]

mah, i get on with everyone but i only have a few friends, and they have to earn that through a certan length of time in contact with them. i like to study people first and its a grace period for them to get on with me as i tend to piss people off a lot as i tend to be very blunt with how i think, and i dont often have the right words at hand.

who i do consider a friend i am fiercly loyal to. but i wont shy away from telling them to wind thier neck in at times, after all i dont know i'm being an asshole unless i'm told so

dude, we have lot in common I guess we would get along very well if we ever hook up