what ten things would you never say to a woman?

[karyn]

from msn

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman
Do you really have it "under control"?
By Jessica Murphy

Madame, that is by far the ugliest nose I have ever seen, and I compliment you on it—it suits you!
—Peter Sellers, "The Pink Panther"

It's true: Some comments are better left unsaid.

But as a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"

Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to diffuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.

Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:

1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.

2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.

3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.

4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.

6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.

7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is it that time of month?"—to yourself.
More on Men's Lifestyle

8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.

9) "You complete me."
We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.

Jessica Murphy is a freelance writer based in Seattle

[theUnclean]

Only one comes to mind, and in a drunked stupor, it slipped....

'Damn, you taste just like my ex'

It was meant to be a complement, but, well, it didn't exactly work so well.

[Bikerpunk]

10) Sure! A three-way with another man would make my day!
9) Sure you can handcuff me!
8) Sure, you can blindfold me!
7) Yes, I will be MORE THAN HAPPY to go on a blind date with a friend of yours who hasn't dated anyone in years!
6) Sure, I'll go shopping for shoes, and I believe you when you say it'll only take 20 minutes!
5) Sure, you can stick that up my ass!
4) I would be OVERJOYED to meet your parents!
3) Yeah! I don't need those bikes, we'll get a minivan instead!
2) I'm sorry those pictures of naked women make you feel inadequate. I'll delete them.

and finally

1) Will you marry me?

[evilstonermonkey]

funny, but one of the other things that women dont like to hear is that 9 times out of ten, we mean #2. they really do look the same. a dress is a goddamn dress, and unless that one has a built-in pushup bra we dont care. and #5 is very serious - feminists is the nice term for reverse sexism. warn us before hand, so we can drop you gently and send you toward our masochist friend. hell take your shit happly

[Bikerpunk]

2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.

This is one of those reasons that I'd rather drink.

A woman says something to the effect of "I hate game players and liars. NEVER lie to me. I want to know what you really think." and then it's "if you don't care, say you care, cause it's really important that you do."

The problem with "uh, eeny, meeny, miney, mo, yeah, the chartreuse. Go with the chartreuse" is that it leads to "why the chartreuse" or the following morning "what was the brand of that chartreuse thing you thought was the cat's anus?" "Fucked if I know" "But you said you loved it!" ARGH

[Amelia G]

funny, but one of the other things that women dont like to hear is that 9 times out of ten, we mean #2. they really do look the same. a dress is a goddamn dress, and unless that one has a built-in pushup bra we dont care. and #5 is very serious - feminists is the nice term for reverse sexism. warn us before hand, so we can drop you gently and send you toward our masochist friend. hell take your shit happly

Feminist should not be a term for reverse sexism, although it sometimes is used that way. I am a feminist because I want an equal shot. I want to be judged on my merit and not because I am a woman. For example, when you see allegedly alt sites claiming they are run by a woman, when, in point of fact, they are run by a man, I have a feminist objection. I don't want people impressed that I do what I do and I'm female. I want them to be impressed that I do what I do well.

I do not, however, want affirmative action or any of that to make up for past injustice. I do not think that men are bad. I do not think that heterosexual sex is, by its nature, ****.

I just want a meritocracy now.

[Bikerpunk]

Feminist should not be a term for reverse sexism, although it sometimes is used that way. I am a feminist because I want an equal shot. I want to be judged on my merit and not because I am a woman. For example, when you see allegedly alt sites claiming they are run by a woman, when, in point of fact, they are run by a man, I have a feminist objection. I don't want people impressed that I do what I do and I'm female. I want them to be impressed that I do what I do well.

I do not, however, want affirmative action or any of that to make up for past injustice. I do not think that men are bad. I do not think that heterosexual sex is, by its nature, ****.

I just want a meritocracy now.

Unfortunately, saying "feminist" doesn't tell you jack shit.

Feminists include the level headed egalitarian meritocratic folks like Amelia G, and that psychotic homeless woman who wrote the SCUM manifesto.

[inox]

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.

Ok, this one's a bit of bullshit. A person generally "gives up" foods for health and/or fitness reasons, and if that someone is your partner, looking the other way during moments of weakened resolve isn't doing any favors.

Not to mention, if someone's on their way to totally letting themselves go and becoming large to the point that their partner is losing attraction, the subject of food choices should certainly not be taboo.

[evilstonermonkey]

Feminist should not be a term for reverse sexism, although it sometimes is used that way. I am a feminist because I want an equal shot. I want to be judged on my merit and not because I am a woman. For example, when you see allegedly alt sites claiming they are run by a woman, when, in point of fact, they are run by a man, I have a feminist objection. I don't want people impressed that I do what I do and I'm female. I want them to be impressed that I do what I do well.

I do not, however, want affirmative action or any of that to make up for past injustice. I do not think that men are bad. I do not think that heterosexual sex is, by its nature, ****.

I just want a meritocracy now.

i agree completely - i am a feminist in the true sense of the word, i believe in female equality. but what feminist means in the dictionary is a far cry from feminist 'the real world' definition. its sort of like the godbotherer thing - the majority really arent that bad, but the vocal ones are the ones that actually get notied and are complete arseholes. smae again - a feminist fights for sexual equality, and generally goes unnoticed, while the 'FEMINIST' fights for male scum to be castrated with rusted spoons without anasthetic by volunteers from the audience and is given media attention and backed by every woman who has recently been dumped, ignored by the cute guy in the office or had another man-hating mother.

i have a sexist mother, so i feel pretty strongly about this. im aware that the majority of women are NOT like that, nor are the majority of womens rights activists. but goddammit, put a muzzle on the crazies or youll never get the respect you need and deserve.

[Morning Glory]

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman
Obviously written by a woman, for a woman and one man's struggle to make sense of it all.

Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:

1) "What did you do to your hair?"
manslation: We know that you don't actually cut your own hair. Believe it or not but men aren't as stupid as you think. We know that you are fishing for a compliment, so just take it already. Goddamn.

2) "They both look the same to me."
They really do. We really don't care. You know what we are going to say, so why ask us?

3) "Relax."
If we could we'd have Samuel L. Jackson come and say "Bitch, Be cool!" We'll settle for this because we know that the former will not come true.

4) "I've got it all under control."
See number 3.

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Just answer the question please.

6) "When are you due?"
Once again you're taking this the wrong way. We don't care, but we're making an effort to pretend like we are, since you constantly bug us about it. Give us a break, we only know that wer're supposed to be taking an intrest in women's issues, to try and expect us to have some filter on which ones is not going to happen.

7) "You're being emotional."
See number 3

8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
See number 3.

9) "You complete me."
You got me on that one, if a guy says that dump him. he's clearly got a bigger vagina than you do.

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Deal: We don't say this to you and later on when you ask us "Do I look fat?" we get to say, "Yes."


In all seriousness, im just poking fun at gender roles here. I DO support feminism, and I think things like this don't help it for men or women.

[inox]

I DO support feminism, and I think things like this don't help it for men or women.

Agreed completely. These sort of scripted, adversarial roles people like this author try to cast men & women in just serve to make partnership an uneasy truce, at best. It's the idiot drama of the trailer park.

[Bikerpunk]

Agreed completely. These sort of scripted, adversarial roles people like this author try to cast men & women in just serve to make partnership an uneasy truce, at best. It's the idiot drama of the trailer park.

The large elephant in the room is the fact that our politically correct statements about how everyone is exactly the same and the only reason why girls don't have farting competitions on the job site while publicly scratching their labia before getting the girders welded into place on the new building going up is that we are so sexist we condition them out of it, and that's also why boys don't sit there painting their nails before they go into their aromatherapist counselling centers where they spend their afternoons helping their clients get in touch with their chakhras while sipping peach tea.... are BULLSHIT.

Guys want to get their cock wet and then have some space. Women want to know where the "relationship is going".

I'm HYPEREXAGGERATING to make a point, but it's a point nonetheless.

A girl is not a boy missing a dick
and a boy is not a girl without tits and a slit.

We're built differently, plumbed differently, and have different skill sets, aptitudes and drives. They served us extremely well for the vast majority of our existence. Unfortunately, the "okay, you're pregnant, now gather shit while I go out and kill something" was acceptable to her back when if he didn't they didn't EAT. Likewise, her going out and constantly gathering stuff was awesome when it meant they had berries, nuts, grubs and warmth at night, but NOT when it means a fifteen thousand dollar credit card bill because those adorable figurines WERE SO ON SALE.

I'm STILL hyper-exaggerating to make a point.

We're gonna aggravate the fuck out of each other. It's a given. Can we just drop the whole "here's the secret to bliss" bullshit and accept the fact that we WILL aggravate the fuck outta each other?

You could convert him into a lapdog who loves to shop for window treatments, but then you'll leave him for a gangsta thug who slaps you around. Cause you're wired that way, god knows why. Either that or he'll have what you'll roll your eyes at and call a midlife crisis - he'll work out, get better clothes and fuck a girl half your age up the ass.

He could convert YOU into someone who walks around naked and whose holes are always wet and open, adept in providing red meat, beer and blowjobs on a regular basis, acutely aware of when you're standing in front of the football game. However, you'd be completely dehumanised as a person and either go insane within a few months or leave because you can't take it.

I'm STILL hyperexaggerating to make a point.

But it's to nail that point home:

MEN

and

WOMEN

are

DIFFERENT

and we will AGGRAVATE THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER

DEAL WITH IT

[Bikerpunk]

I'll do you one better.

When women imagine the ultimate man ("Jake Roberts", "Doctor McDreamy", "Alan Alda") they usually see a guy who takes care of his appearance (e.g. spends more on cosmetics than she does), likes to talk about feelings. His feelings, her feelings, his feelings about her feelings. His feelings about her feelings about his feelings, Her feelings about his feelings about

He's very politically aware - he not only recycles and uses a bicycle to get to work (so the fact that he shaves his legs already comes in handy), yadda yadda yadda and is wonderful with the kids, reading to them from "Thank you, Dr. Martin Luther King" when you come home from an evening out with the girls while he stays home and does all the dishes and housework after earning $250,000 a year at a job he works at for six hours a day taking any time off at any time you want for any reason.

Problem is, guys like that DIE ALONE.

Because the moment women find a man like that, their attractedness to him is ZERO.

I can understand that - a girl likes a bit of vigor in the sack - and there's something to be said for being 245lb of strength as opposed to 112lb of vegan anemia. And the testosterone to drive the goddamn bus, as opposed to the sensitivity victim who'll ask her if it hurts after he thrusts into her weakly. A guy who knows that after an initial warmup and an initial teasing of various parts, she'll come her brains out if you work up to just "beating that pussy up" as the Ying Yang Twins so eloquently put it is apparently a man to get to know. And a guy who still keeps his teddy bears in his bedroom ain't gonna work that shit like it done wanna be worked, dig?

Men on the other hand, if and when they do find a hot chick with antigravity tits who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch - appreciate the shit out of their incredible luck. But the only women who'll walk around the house naked with no holes barred usually want cash money for an hour of this.

I am STILL HYPEREXAGGERATING TO MAKE A POINT

[Bikerpunk]

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.

That right there bugs the FUCK out of me.

A true feminist like Amelia G wouldn't want to "pick or choose" whether to have me pay for her shit or not. She'd stand on her own two goddamned feet and either trade off who pays for what or go dutch.

That's what gets me about a lot of this. "I don't wanna play by any traditional roles I don't want to - but I want to keep the ones that favor me." Anyone who wants to have her cake and eat it - new freedoms without any responsibility - is BULLSHIT in my book and her actions GO AGAINST ANYTHING ONE COULD WIN FOR THE HUMAN RACE.

I just finished reading "Cunt" and the number of times that I wanted to hurl the book with venom from me was legion. The thing that got me the most was when this thrice-aborted, self-described writer and activist who was so out of touch with reality she was living in a friend's basement cause she wasn't sure what she wanted to do....

the one who spent the majority of the book saying don't give men a cent. Don't buy anything from a man, made by a man, marketed by a man, conceived by a man. Go to music festivals where men are literally barred from the grounds. Go to self-defence courses to enjoy womping the snot out of men who aren't fighting back at you. If you must read a book written by a man or listen to male music, get it from the library so the "phallocracy" doesn't profit.....

was offered a cheque by a MAN (one of those foul, land-stealing, potential rapist, oppressors of everything from chipmunks to womyn writers) to do the book tour she wanted to do. For the full amount.

She cashed THAT motherfucker faster than you can say "principles? What principles?"

[drewblood]

10) Sure! A three-way with another man would make my day!
9) Sure you can handcuff me!
8) Sure, you can blindfold me!
7) Yes, I will be MORE THAN HAPPY to go on a blind date with a friend of yours who hasn't dated anyone in years!
6) Sure, I'll go shopping for shoes, and I believe you when you say it'll only take 20 minutes!
5) Sure, you can stick that up my ass!
4) I would be OVERJOYED to meet your parents!
3) Yeah! I don't need those bikes, we'll get a minivan instead!
2) I'm sorry those pictures of naked women make you feel inadequate. I'll delete them.

and finally

1) Will you marry me?

[Morning Glory]

112lb of vegan anemia

hey, I resent that!

[Baby_Switchblade]

It's strange but even as a girl, I tend to be a little sexist towards women at times.
I do take myself seriously sometimes, but I don't get all upset if a guy looks at me with a blank face and says, "what the fuck's the difference?" when I hold up two slightly different (bot mostly identical) outfits and ask his opinion.

I think it mostly stems from me growing up and only having brothers, but while I do get a bit over-emotional (especially at a certain time of the month) and I stress out like fuck (no, really), I don't take myself so seriously that if a guy says he thinks my haircut looks like I came off second-best in a fight with a lawnmower, I'll have a mental breakdown.
I guess, while I'm still sensitive, my brothers have just put so much shit on me over the years (I'm the youngest so I copped everything), I'm used to guys being blank and not giving a fuck.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Vaughn]

10) Sure! A three-way with another man would make my day!
9) Sure you can handcuff me!
8) Sure, you can blindfold me!
7) Yes, I will be MORE THAN HAPPY to go on a blind date with a friend of yours who hasn't dated anyone in years!
6) Sure, I'll go shopping for shoes, and I believe you when you say it'll only take 20 minutes!
5) Sure, you can stick that up my ass!
4) I would be OVERJOYED to meet your parents!
3) Yeah! I don't need those bikes, we'll get a minivan instead!
2) I'm sorry those pictures of naked women make you feel inadequate. I'll delete them.

and finally

1) Will you marry me?

#1...Amen.

[BookOfFaeye]

Dear God half those stratements apply to anyone not just a chick.



1) "What did you do to your hair?"
(This answer applies to guys as well) Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.

2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the baseball or football games we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.

3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up". No one likes to be belittled.

4) "I've got it all under control."
Guys like everyone else like to feel useful and saying that to them can make them feel like you dont think they can take care of you or your situation.

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Or masgonist ...no onbe likes to be called out on their principles even if they know you're right.

6) "When are you due?"
I mean think about it if you walked up to a fat guy and said "When are you due?" you'd probably get hit. (Although it would be hella funny).

7) "You're being emotional."
He assumes your attacking him and gets angry and hurt. He doesn;t want to hear that crap either. OF COURSE we're emotional. We're fucking animals.

8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
Do I even have to explain why saying that to a guy would piss him off?? And yes I have. Not Tim of course, but yeah I have said it to a guy a before..twice actually. And yes it pissed him off.

9) "You complete me."
Most guys would laugh their ass off at you either to your face or with their buddies later. Its a stupid fucking phrase.

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
He'd say "Yes, leave me the fuck alone."

[Exquisite]

Feminist should not be a term for reverse sexism, although it sometimes is used that way. I am a feminist because I want an equal shot. I want to be judged on my merit and not because I am a woman. For example, when you see allegedly alt sites claiming they are run by a woman, when, in point of fact, they are run by a man, I have a feminist objection. I don't want people impressed that I do what I do and I'm female. I want them to be impressed that I do what I do well.

I do not, however, want affirmative action or any of that to make up for past injustice. I do not think that men are bad. I do not think that heterosexual sex is, by its nature, ****.

I just want a meritocracy now.

But this is why I have a problem with the term Feminist ... shouldn't we be Equalists. Yes as Mr. BikerPunk pointed out so eloquently we are different, hell we are different from one human being to the next but we are all human. I agree be impressed by my brain not my boobs and brain.

Oh and as for those 10 things ... meh communicate with your partner, whoever they may be, honestly and you should be fine. My husband loves blue and white china ... me I don't really care