Have you ever been dumped? How did you get over it?

[Thistle Harlequin]

So...just like the title asks...have you ever been dumped, how long was your relationship and how did you get over it?

I just got dumped by my live-in boyfriend of almost 7 years. I'm still grieving since I barely accepted the fact. But what about you guys, how did you get over your break up??

[Raza]

Uhm, once, after two weeks. Which made it worse in that it was right at the peak of that initial new-lover infatuation you get right after you decide to devote to a romance. I'll admit it was an uncomfortable feeling, but that alone was such a novelty to me that I laughed (at) myself right out of it again.

'Dumping' isn't really something that tends to happen in my relationships. In as far as they end, it's mostly just by gradually growing apart until there's months in between meetings. I suppose that if your habits are as ingrained as when you've been living together for years that might be more difficult though, not many people I've met seem comfortable to take a step back from such a point without pronouncing the whole thing a failure.

[mystoo]

Once. In high school, I was dating this guy for a few months but I wasn't really serious about him. It was almost like it was just something to do and when he broke up with me it was kinda like a 'meh' feeling. It didn't affect me at all and I went on to have one of the best days I can remember.
When I broke up with my ex of 8 years though it was tough. Even though I broke up with him, I was more afraid of being alone again than the thought of not being with him. I got over it pretty fast. It was a good move on my part.

[DeformedGod]

I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year, and then a week later, my dog I had had since I was six died. I guess I got over him breaking up with me because something way, way worse happened to me so soon after. It just seemed so insignificant after that.
Of course, it's different since the relationship wasn't nearly as long. I think the best thing you can do is to talk to your friends a lot, maybe rekindle any old friendships that slipped due to your relationship with him. By realizing you aren't completely alone, you might begin to feel a little better and come to terms with what happened.

[Mr Karl]

after relationships of a year or two................I'd just go fishing for a few months and get it out of my system............sometimes you catch something, sometimes you don't..........at the end of it either you've reached a zenlike peaeful state, or you gotta leave town..........traumatized.........either result works for me

[LeilaHazlett]

I've never been dumped but I hate dumping people. People who can't just let it go and get on with their lives kinda suck. But maybe if I had been dumped I would have more sympathy. I just don't see the point in getting upset over something that obviously wasn't working for the person you were with.

[Velvet-Tongue]

How did I get over it? Hmm..first I went crazy. Really crazy....then I got a new girlfriend and discovered the joys of SCA fighting and beer.

[Thistle Harlequin]

When I broke up with my ex of 8 years though it was tough. Even though I broke up with him, I was more afraid of being alone again than the thought of not being with him. I got over it pretty fast. It was a good move on my part.

same here...this was a 7 year gay boy relationship, but he dumped me and already is dating a boy for 4 weeks and wants him to move in to our house (we still live together). But anyways, i'm afraid of being alone and that I wont find anyone. I have a specific type and to make matters worse i dont have car tags so i can go look for other guys to date.. ::sigh:: well i hope i get over him soon..the circumstances of our break up and his moving on sooo quickly is deeply hurting me and so it's getting sooo easy to hate him. I can't see us being freinds after this...he's a fucken jerk even though h'es "helping me out" which I do appreciate but his actions are fucked up..damn, i vented..hehe

[nathanmbailey]

Never. My last couple serious relationships ended because of deployment. I left, we stopped talking as much, then one day I send an e-mail or get one saying it's time to move on, either way it's expected on my part. Then again, I've never been in a relationship for more than a couple months, right around the time that whole "new love" mode gets switched off and we both lose interest. Especially when the girl finds out I'm not half as cool and wild as I seem and my life is ran almost entirely on schedules. I even have a drinking schedule as to where I go on Friday and Saturday nights and with what groups of friends. It's kind of sad really.

[mystoo]

it's getting sooo easy to hate him.

Yes. Feel the hate. It definitely helps.

[Mr Karl]

Yes. Feel the hate. It definitely helps.

[Thistle Harlequin]

Yes. Feel the hate. It definitely helps.

[nathanmbailey]

As does porno and $10 whores. Just sayin...

[a_small_death]

Cheep boozes, positive thinking and lots of denial.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

The idea that she'll fuckin' get hers in the end.....Daydreamin' about how, was always what got me through.

[Morning Glory]

I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year, and then a week later, my dog...died.

Sounds like a country song.

[Morning Glory]

I've never been dumped. I'm the type that usually has relationships crumble before the point of reaching commitment status. It kinda sucks and it ends up with one or both parties getting bummed out, but so it goes.

I'm not really the monogamy type. The idea of devoting all your time and interest to just one person and pretending like you can't have feelings for anyone else seems kind of silly and the sign of someone who is looking for someone else to replace a personal identity that they are lacking in themselves.

I just like to have a good time with people, and I don't just mean sexually. I'm on the verge of a new relationship and I'm thinking about running for the hills because I have a feeling that she is the type that can't handle the notion that you don't matter any more (or less) than anyone else.

I don't have a problem with commitment, just unreasonable expectations.

[Buster Friendly]

Huh, weird. No I've never been dumped. I usually do the dumping.

But I have been rejected quite a few times. I didn't used to get over that so easily, but now I can't imagine valuing another person so highly anymore that their decsions matter to me one way or another.

I use the old "It's not you, it's me" all the time. "You're too good a person for me."

(I usually just want to fuck someone else for a while.)

[Thistle Harlequin]

I don't have a problem with commitment, just unreasonable expectations.

true that..i hear you there

[batzilla]

this was a 7 year gay boy relationship, but he dumped me and already is dating a boy for 4 weeks and wants him to move in to our house (we still live together).

Goddamn, that's a bad situation. The first step to getting over it would probably be to move out, if you have any way to AT ALL.

[batzilla]

And, for the record, I've been dumped. Most people I know who've had more than one or two relationships in their lives have been dumped at least once.

It's hard to say what might help... you could try avoiding things that remind you of him or you could try desensitizing yourself to them but, CLICHE ALERT, it's just gonna be a matter of time, really. And with seven years behind you, it might be a good long time before you can honestly say you're over it. Developing new interests and friendships that don't have anything to do with the old relationship might help. Hopefully seeing what a dick he's being will help too... you can always remind yourself that his actions have proven that he wasn't really someone you would've wanted to spend your life with anyway.

Good luck!

[World*in*my*Eyes]

<Thistle Harlequin>, I definely know your pain, sorrow and how shattered you feel. The last real relationship I had ended 4 and a half years ago. We had been involved and lived together for 5 years. He left for no real reason. He said he "just lost interest" as a reason. I was very, very shattered. He very easily moved on. I have not yet recovered from it, because I have not met anyone, I could connect with, or have a real relationship with since him. I met one guy in the last 4 and half years that show potential, for me to get over my ex, but I only got to see this new guy one wonderful time. Now I do not have anyone to date, because I have not met anyone lately who appeals to me. I beleive if I could meet a guy who I have a real mutual connection, attraction and feeling for, as I did my ex, I could then get over my ex. Like you <Thistle Harliquin>, I have a specific type of man that appeals to me, which does make it more difficult in finding someone new.

[ForrestBlack]

Have I ever been dumped? Nope.

How would I deal with it? I'm guessing denial?

I've never had that hard a time letting go of relationships. It's not that splits are not painful and it's not that I forget about the good times, but I'm generally cognizant of the writing on the wall when it's time to go different directions. I'm a little less good at breaking it off with toxic friends, but I can walk away from that better than some people I know as well.

Sometimes you just gotta go. It's a big wide world out there. If someone isn't going to be right there with you to find and share the joy of it, it's time to move on.

[TheDeathKnight]

Yeah, it's easier if you can rationalize it. Like Forest and some of the other people were saying, people only break up if it's not working for them. You want to be with someone who is happy being with you. Not someone who wants to leave. I try to ask myself this question: "Would I want them to stay, if they are miserable, and they want to be with someone else?" Hell no! I'd want them to go. We all wish things could work out, and we wish things would stay happy. But it doesn't always work that way, and it's not always your fault. Sometimes it's all about the other person not being happy. It just works out eventually. Sooner or later you hopefully find someone who is equally happy with you, the same way you are happy with them. It sucks when it does not work out. It really does. But what are your options? Stay with someone who is not into you? Keep fighting? Have them cheating on you? I think it's good if people can try to take some time and work at fixing their problems. But again, that's up to both people. Both people have to value the relationship enough to work on it, and make changes. If changes are really going to work, both people have to really love each other. And you can tell if that's true. But many times it's just not worth it for a lot of people. They can tell it's not working, and they don't want to waste any more of your time, or theirs. It's better to just move on to be with someone who really wants to be with you...