My kid got kicked out of preschool

[Pull~My~Hair]

me=failure mom

Wtf dude, I got a call this morning saying that Kaden just "isn't a good fit" for his school. He has been doing sooo good since he's been in school, his talking is a billion times better and he is playing with kids and sharing. But apparently his teacher doesn't think so. So now he just isn't gonna see any of his friends or his favorite place ever again. I feel like a complete ass.
She said in 14 years shes never had to do this....what the hell can a 3 year old do to not be up to 3 year old standards.

[Raza]

She said in 14 years shes never had to do this....what the hell can a 3 year old do to not be up to 3 year old standards.

Good question; did they elaborate on this?

Seems difficult to imagine this being something other than a 'narrow standards' problem. Of course, process of elimination by imaginitive failing isn't your most reliable method of deduction...

[Amelia G]

I second Raza on that. Make her elaborate on WTF she is thinking. Unless he is actively biting the other children or screaming at the top of his lungs for hours in a row or something like that, I can't think what a three year old could do.

[Pull~My~Hair]

she said during circle time which is 30 minutes of sitting and reading and eating apples, he gets up and plays, which would be fine, but he tries to get the other kids to play too.
And that he doesn't know how to express his feelings. So he gets frustrated.He has ALWAYS told us exactly how he feels at home, too much sometimes.
And yeah, im sure he doesn't sit still for 30 minutes at a time, when there is a school full of toys and animals to play with, I didn't imagine any 3 year old would, but I guess just mine.
I don't know, this is my only kid and I haven't ever been around kids, so maybe I have this warped sense of a "normal kid"
Kaden always says
"can I have another cracker"
or
"Will you come and play with me"
he can take ANYTHING apart and put it back together, the other day is was a printer.
He sings to all of my music, he knows the words and the tune
when im mad he'll say "you need a time out, go to your room!"
all of these things seem like a pretty perceptive kid, so I just don't know what I am missing.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

How long has he been going there? Is the daycare certified, btw?

[Pull~My~Hair]

How long has he been going there? Is the daycare certified, btw?

he's been going for about 4 months, yeah she is certified.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

Well, you'll probably never find out exactly why unless the next school you bring him to, also see's a problem. Good thing about your child being only three is he'll probably assimilate real easy into another school. What once was the greatest place in the world to him might be a quick forgotten memory in his new "greatest place in the world".
kid's at this age are so resilient. Keep bringing him to certified schools though. Around where I live, alot of daycares are run by churches and none of them are or have to be certified. So many parents bring their kids to these places thinking "If it's religious...It's good". Wrong. These places suck and usually have the most complaints.

I would just chock up the whole thing to the teacher being an asshole. I've never known a daycare that chucks out your kid like the snap of the fingers. Usually there's numerous meetings with the parent before "expelling" a toddler. This lady just sounds like a douche and she probably uses that whole "Never in my 14 years" bullshit, all the time. I'm SURE your son is not the first. That way, you feel all the blame and she's scot-free from any your anger in the matter.

[Mr Karl]

an hero in the making

[ForrestBlack]

she said during circle time which is 30 minutes of sitting and reading and eating apples, he gets up and plays, which would be fine, but he tries to get the other kids to play too.

I would call that leadership quality. Sometimes this can be threatening to low end authoritarians.

[Mr Karl]

and who knows, maybe the other kid's talk about him with thier parents and parents are kind of wierd so if a bunch o them said 'who is this kid that our kid is playing with?' ............too bad though

[Bikerpunk]

I would call that leadership quality. Sometimes this can be threatening to low end authoritarians.

It doesn't change the fact that she's in the unenviable position of explaining to her 3 year old why he can't go play with his friends anymore.

[athenahollow]

Sounds to me like your kid is too smart for those assholes.... My kid is the same way. I'm not looking forward to my first parent/teacher conference.
"So, Trinity was put in time out for 30 minutes today"
"OMG, what did she do?"
"When I told her that it was art time, but she wouldn't put down the book while reading"
"So, you put her in time out for reading a book instead of finger painting"
"No, I put her in time out because she called me an ignoramus."
haha

[Raza]

I got timed out by a lunchbreak caretaker (volunteer mom) in primary school for calling a classmate a hypocrite once. The word is a tad less popular in dutch; I'm pretty sure she didn't know what it meant, as it was obviously applicable and yet she made a huge deal out of it like it was something grossly-yet-abstractly offensive.

One of the very few things I remember from that time. I guess that out of all the ways I experienced the world back then, the feeling that other people are being idiots is relatively recognisable to me today.

[Buster Friendly]

an hero in the making

you first.

[spyinxxx]

i was kicked out of third grade so not associated to the topic at hand but I would call her sup or try to get a higher person in charged there and force the issue, he really does sound like leader and self motivator “borg child warning”, like lets play riot lets start a riot Riot, sorry nvm, is there anyone higher than her? Honestly though that lady must have magical powers to get a room full of ?year olds-3year olds-?year olds to sit still for thrifty minutes my bros are 4,4,5 and they only sit down for about 5-15 mins anyway ramble ramble good luck mate

[Morning Glory]

I got in trouble in kindergarden for calling a kid a "fucking asshole" or something along those lines. I'm not sure what the noun was, but I know that "fucking" was the adjective.

[Pull~My~Hair]

It doesn't change the fact that she's in the unenviable position of explaining to her 3 year old why he can't go play with his friends anymore.

exactly , that is the hard part, plus his grandparents got a divorce a couple months ago and his grandpa and their dogs just "disappeared" one day, and now the same things going to happen with his friends, I just feel bad for the kid, thats alot to deal with when you are 3

[homicidal_kiss]

exactly , that is the hard part, plus his grandparents got a divorce a couple months ago and his grandpa and their dogs just "disappeared" one day, and now the same things going to happen with his friends, I just feel bad for the kid, thats alot to deal with when you are 3

do you have the numbers of any of your kid's friends' parents so that you could try to arrange occasional play dates so that the friendships aren't completely lost? if not, maybe you could try to get a hold of them through the preschool...if the lady would be kind enough...

[OliX]

I never had problems with anyone but somehow everyone had problems with me. I guess it was my "I don't give a fuck" attitude. I could never get frustrated and angry for such lame things that people tried to get me mad and frustrated, including teachers. Then they all get even more frustrated by my "don't give a slightest fuck" attitude.

Pull My Hair, you seem to have a gifted kid, he just didn't wanted to obey the rules and follow the crowd and that's what elementary school and preschool is about. Here, take a reading of my post in this thread to understand my opinion about the school.

You can always make a better choice and start a home school for him. By the time he's ready for elementary school he could almost have all knowledge he would ever need from elementary school. Drop in a class of philosophy, arts and martial arts for healthy development of mind body and soul.

You can find plenty of information on internet, programs and what not. And it doesn't have to be a bad thing for his social skills, he canstill make friends in neighbourhood and around but you have to help him there.

One of the books he should definitely read is Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder. A great book writen in easy language for children. Definitely a must read for everyone, not just kids.

[tatum radcliffe]

It's probably not your kid.

I taught preschool. I had ten kids, most of which had severe special needs. In that mix, we only had one or two typical kids.

30 minutes is asking too much from a 3 y/o. You need to increase the time gradually, but the problem with a preschool setting is that there won't be time to do that.

Best thing I can suggest is trying to do circle at home. Also, your kid DOES sound far too intelligent to be in a standard preschool. It'll probably be fine in the long run, but Kaden might benefit more from a Montessori school.

They are harder to find and are a touch expensive, but if the teacher is concerned about distractability, a Montessori would be able to handle it. Believe me, I had crazy ADHD when I was a kid and being in a Montessori helped calm my ass down.

Good luck with how things turn out.

[00goddess]

I think it is unreasonable to expect a 3-yr-old to sit for 30 minutes unless they are focused on something. It doesn't take 30 minutes to eat an apple.

So it's probably not your kid, but something else going on. I agree that you should ask her to be more specific about what the problem is, and also try to get in touch with other parents from that school so he can have play dates with them.

Teachers are human too and sometimes a particular kid will just push their buttons.

[Morning Glory]

do you let your kid drink mountain dew? I'm kind of being serious. Look at how much suger and soda kids eat, I know that is all i ever wanted to eat, and then people don't understand why they aren't sitting there like the Buddha. ( I don't mean being a fat ass, they got that one. I mean in serene meditation.)

I also suspect that since you hang around here you are a free-thinker and your kid gravitates towards that same personality being a result of you, and you are seeing now how the school system attempts to turn everyone into pod people.

[Velvet-Tongue]

I'm sure if you find another daycare thats more active he'll do fine. I was the same way when I was little, always getting into fights, yelling, wandering off. basically being a belligerent little homeless man. But your kid sounds smarter then I was lol.

When I was young they kicked me out of pre-school for pushing kids off the top of the slide. So we went to a different preschool with alot of teachers. Having the real active daycare helped alot. We'd have reading time with the teacher, recess, lunch, watch a movie, more reading, science projects etc and go play on the playground for the last 2 hours or so of the day to get us tired.

Man, I miss those days. Recess rocked.

[Dusk]

I never went 2 pre school cos when my older brother went he did some thing wrong and as a punishment the teacher made him sit inside a circle of kids that she got to point and laugh at him

[soma_stardust]

I would call that leadership quality. Sometimes this can be threatening to low end authoritarians.

word.
it's sad the the smartest kids are the ones who "get in trouble."
schools piss me off.
it's sad that he won't see his friends anymore D:
my little brother is sad because he had to leave his school all of a sudden and didn't even get to say goodbye to his friends.... ok now i'm sad.
anyway.
there's nothing wrong with you or your son. it's the damn school. your son sounds absolutely brilliant. at least now you can prepare yourself for future school assholery....

edit: bob the builder icon - epic win

[Wickedanima]

I think its the tendency in this day and age to want to drug a kid who behaves in a seemingly normal manner into sitting still. There are odd standards now-days of normalcy, and many teachers are getting away with labeling children as 'misbehaved' when they are simply energetic kids. :/

[OliX]

If you want to work as preschool teacher here you have to finish a 4 year long university. I don't know what is it called there in US, Thing after high school. Ok, looked it up, a bachelor degree.

[Raza]

I think its the tendency in this day and age to want to drug a kid who behaves in a seemingly normal manner into sitting still. There are odd standards now-days of normalcy, and many teachers are getting away with labeling children as 'misbehaved' when they are simply energetic kids. :/

If you're refering to ADD/ADHD, I'm not sure that's the crux of it, at least not at a psychiatric level. They medicate it with dopamin and norepinephrine stimulating drugs which either function similary to or are entirely the same thing as uppers and stimulant drugs we take to up our focus and energy. The idea that speed just does something inherently different to you if you've got ADHD is myth, it's the same neurochemical effects. All this just strongly hints at ADHD really being characterised by an underlying lack of concentrating ability, rather than a raw excess of energy.

[Mainline_Iodine]

ADHD is also misdiagnosed on an unbelievable level. The very large majority of people that are diagnosed with ADHD do not have it, so the drugs that are prescribed for the treatment work as the drug normally would, as speed. For those relatively few that are correctly diagnosed, their body does metabolize the drug differently.

[homicidal_kiss]

ADHD is also misdiagnosed on an unbelievable level. The very large majority of people that are diagnosed with ADHD do not have it, so the drugs that are prescribed for the treatment work as the drug normally would, as speed. For those relatively few that are correctly diagnosed, their body does metabolize the drug differently.

i was misdiagnosed with adhd in early high school. i never took the medication, though. i wasn't really hyper, just talkative. i'm still really talkative.

[Raza]

ADHD is also misdiagnosed on an unbelievable level. The very large majority of people that are diagnosed with ADHD do not have it, so the drugs that are prescribed for the treatment work as the drug normally would, as speed. For those relatively few that are correctly diagnosed, their body does metabolize the drug differently.

I'm pretty sure it works the same for everyone. Heightened dopamine and norepinephrine levels will increase concentrating abilities in anyone. It doesn't need to work differently to solve their problem, and I've never seen any real info on how exactly each of the distinct stimulant medications they get is supposed to be differently metabolised than normal.

I'm also not sure it's possible to 'misdiagnose' ADHD very much, just as its difficult to misdiagnose depression. As a condition it lacks an established unique cause, implying that it is defined by it's symptoms, which is mostly limited to an arbitrarily lower neurological disposition for concentration, patience, etc. You can argue about how much of that constitutes a disorder, but it's difficult to tell anyone they're 'wrong'.

[Mainline_Iodine]

Its not possible to misdiagnose ADHD? It might not be, but then that would mean that most of the pediatricians that have diagnosed it are fucking idiots who shouldn't have a licenses to practice medicine. It is hugely misdiagnosed in the schools in the US. Half of the student population of every school I've attended has been prescribed one pill or another to treat it. From all of the people that I have know that were "diagnosed" with it, only two, yes two, of them actually needed that medication that they were prescribed.

[Wickedanima]

If you're refering to ADD/ADHD, I'm not sure that's the crux of it, at least not at a psychiatric level. They medicate it with dopamin and norepinephrine stimulating drugs which either function similary to or are entirely the same thing as uppers and stimulant drugs we take to up our focus and energy. The idea that speed just does something inherently different to you if you've got ADHD is myth, it's the same neurochemical effects. All this just strongly hints at ADHD really being characterised by an underlying lack of concentrating ability, rather than a raw excess of energy.

Regardless, doping a kid up is, a good percent of the time, the wrong way to handle them. There have been ALOT of cases in the US where schools have forced parents to stick them on psychiatric drugs for something as little as playing with block when its nap time.

I do know how AHDH and ADD work for the most part. It wa more a passing comment on the US and their willingness to force people onto drugs rather than deal with them as individuals.

[keiko]

how much do you want ot bet that because you will reason with Kaden like he's a person and the "teacher" has a tendency to condescend to him "like an average three year old" she has trouble getting him to listen to her? i guarantee she feels that this is undermining her authority over the other students, esp as he seems to be able to convince these other kids to play with him during "non-play time". take it as a victory mark in your book of parenting that your kid isn't programmable by lesser minds and that he has natural leadership qualities.

yes it sucks that now you have to explain that he doesn't get to go and play with his school friends and the toys they have there, but he seems smart enough to understand if you just give it to him straight. your worry about how he will take the news is just another mark of a caring mother.

if anyone is a failure in this situation it is the teacher for not realizing potential when she sees it.

my best to you and the kid.

~K

[Pull~My~Hair]

thanx you guys..we checked out a great school the other day (which by the way said they'd put him in with the older kids :P haha) it was an amazing school but it was also $525 a month ahhh!
Im coming to terms with the fact that he just had a lousy teacher

[Buster Friendly]

No seriously, what everyone else has said.

Expecting a 3 year old to sit quietly while there are friends to be played with, and toys to be not shared is just fucking retarded. Fuck that bitch.

[SyntheticShock]

Yes, definetly get more information as to why he was, sounds like a smart kid to me.

I had a friend long ago who got held back from kindergarten or pre-school (can't recall), but she had slapped her teacher in the face. Thats a much better reason to get kicked out.