I’ve known for a while that shit-talking (and not baseball, shopping, or sex) is the real pastime of this country. What I recently hit upon was the truth of how few individuals are willing to let someone know to their face where the two of them really stand.
I’m apparently not the norm when it comes to communicating with people who piss me off. If you’ve done something to me or made me feel in such a way as warrants me to say something derogatory about you or your behavior, you may rest assured at all times that you will be the first person I approach with these issues; never will you have to worry about finding out my true feelings by hearing me complain about you to someone else through walls or closed doors. As soon as I’m confident that you know what I think of you, then I might venture to say the same to someone else who inquires... though I prefer to keep our business just between us.
With most everyone else I’ve met, the opposite method seems widely preferred and practiced (which might lead me to think I was doing something wrong, if it hadn’t already been proven multiple times that I make wiser decisions than the rest of the world). It’s tough for me to meet people who are willing to let me know in face-to-face conversation that they have a problem with me; most of them would rather I overhear them talking to someone else. More often (since I don’t piss that many people off), people wishing to vent about others will attempt to lure me into a shit-talking session for the express purpose of letting the person they have a problem with overhear that people have a problem with them. It’s almost as though they think they’re giving their complaints validation by having a shit-talking army already raised against the person before the person even knows there’s an issue. Sorry, but how is that not chicken-shit? How is that even mature?!? Is that how you would want to find out you’ve upset someone?
Here’s an example: If I were to leave the toilet seat up one night in a house/apartment where I had female roommates (which I would never do... again), I would much prefer that the girl who first had a problem with it found me and kindly (or not-so-kindly) asked me not let the incident repeat itself. What would probably happen instead is that I would overhear her bitching about me to or with the rest of the household, who would all look up in unison as I finally entered the room to find out why everyone was suddenly muttering my name under their breath. Of course, I more often find myself in the position of one of the other roommates, plagued by questions or statements urging me to agreement such as “Isn’t that mean of So-‘n-So?” or “What would you do with an asshole like that?”, or other phrases obliging me to pick a side in an argument that I’m sure both I and the other person involved agree shouldn’t be my business.
So tell me truthfully, if that’s within anyone’s capabilities: What kind of shit-talker are you? Are you the passive venter who talks shit about others in the hopes that they won’t hear, and that you’ll never have to raise the issue to their face? Are you the passive-aggressive who talks shit about others in the hopes that they will overhear, just to put them at the emotional disadvantage where they think everyone’s already against them? Perhaps you’re so passive that you’ll never do more than mutter the occasional derogatory comment behind your opponent’s back. Or perhaps you, like me, choose to defy the status quo and practice good old-fashioned manners at the same time, by not talking shit at all and instead telling the people you disagree with why you disagree with them in one-on-one conversation. (I’m imagining that all of you are going to try to claim this last option... which is why I’m calling “bullshit” on at least three quarters of you in advance.)
So c’mon... let’s have it. Why does talking shit about others get you off, and be honest.
Bookmarks