My boyfriend the cyber cheater.

[AthenainDelirium]

Okay so I have a feeling that my boyfriend is cheating on me with some girl that he met on a MUD. Her name is Nichelle and my name is Michelle and we both have the same exact birthday. He's told me about some things that she's said to him and it really sounds like she wants to jump his bones. And here lately he hasn't wanted to spend that much time with me and he's always playing on his computer. So I'm looking for a bit of advice on how to handle the situation. I don't want to be a bitch and say he can't play on the mud anymore but I don't want him flirting with the cyber whore either. What should I do?

[Mirren]

You really need to confront your man on this issue. Cybering with people may just seem like fun and games but someone usually always ends up getting fucked over. If he is going outside of the relationship for attention, that's not a good sign. The bottom line is you can speculate all you want but until you come out and ask him what the fuck he is up to, you won't really know. May I ask how long you have been with this person? He seems to be quite a player who knows exactly how to play you, that would be like a fiddle. The fact that he even told you about something that you probably would have never known about is suspect, he is trying to get a reaction out of you. That's not only immature but cruel. If I were you, I wouldn't get jealous or mad at all,even if you are, don't let him see it, that's what he wants you to do. You are in the flesh , she is words, text on a screen. Ultimately you have the upper hand. I see you are referring to her as a cyber whore, what is he then? It's easy to blame the woman all the time, he seems to be digging the attention.

[macabrette]

In my past, I had a couple of guys who played with girls on the internet. I found that at that point in the relationship, I didn't really care very much if they wanted to play make-believe with some chick from 1,000 miles away. It's mostly always just a sort of reassurance for them that they're still attractive or whatnot. But maybe that was just because they weren't getting as much attention from me as they would have liked..... But I do think it's just a harmless affirmation of their fragile little manhood to flirt with girls online. The only reason you should be jealous is if he sets up a meeting IRL. In that case, you don't need him, anyway.....

[postcoital]

MUD cyb0ring? I mean, I already found it annyoing in UO, but if there's a black screen and someone's writing "I'm a beautiful orc girl. Fistfuck me please", now that would give me the creeps. Last time I've been in a mud was LORD I think.. or was it BatMUD? some 199something version.. sorry for not being helpful, but now you drove me into nostaliga

[Amelia G]

I think some people think of people they type to online as being sort of pornography that talks to them and tells them how hot they are. They don't think about there being a real person on the other end. If this other chick is someone he could meet in the real world or if he is paying so much attention to her that you are not getting what you need, then it makes sense to make an issue of it. If he is just flirting with a total stranger a zillion miles away who is probably ugly and possibly a man, I wouldn't sweat it.

[postcoital]

Oh, on a random sidenote: I usually play female characters in MMORPGs *wink*

Just tell your bf that this other chick is most likely a guy, and I know lots of guys who play femmes too.
Speaking just of myself, I have three reasons:
1.) girls get more help. want a new gun/sword? ask some obviously 14yrs old nerd for it and tell him that you like him alot/want to meet him in person.
2.) girls look hotter in a big armor. that's for MMORPGs that feature a 3rd person view
3.) female armor is cheaper in Project Entropia :)

[Tequila Zaire]

Oh, on a random sidenote: I usually play female characters in MMORPGs *wink*

Hell I ONLY play as females in MMORPG's...I can never get into the whole "The Person On Screen Is Me" mentality so I just have fun watching a hot polygonal chick beat the crap out of things and perform acts of ultra-violence. But that's what I like in the offlien world anyhow...I've yet to date a girl who didn't have a solid right hook.

[Tequila Zaire]

I think some people think of people they type to online as being sort of pornography that talks to them and tells them how hot they are.

Well, given how boring and uninspired most porn is these days...it's not hard to see why. It's a fantasy in a fantasy world...I'd take is pretty serious since these days no one is too far to touch. So really that "girl a 1000miles away" could totally be worth a plane ride.

I've seen it happen many a time in the RPG scene...hell I'll admit I feel victim to it. It was totally worth it though.

Still 9 out of 10 times the person is ugly as hell or a guy. At least the odds are in the person who posted this problems favor.

[AEstud]

Michelle...I'm tellin you, just end it with him!! I think by him giving ME the cat today...it was a sign. (By the way, Millie is fine and I snuck her into my bedroom after we left the mall!) He just doesn't seem as interested anymore. He didn't show up at the mall...(good for Ryan maybe) and he left Taco Bueno early...think about it

[CPRB]

all I know is meeting peope oline is not as wonderful as we would like it to be maybe it's escapism, I dunno. First off I dunno why people cheat either it's hurtful and disrespectful to not only the person you love but yourself too. You have to meet a person in the flesh and talk to them in person to know if you like them or not, sometimes we are just lonely hurt or unshure of things...I think you should talk to him about it, it could be alot of things. Best thing to do is sit down and talk and communicate openely let them say whatever they want and use all the will power availabel not to get emotional, stay rational and respectable. But give them that, they can speak freely without reperscussion, Serioulsy let them speak and say what they want and leave it at that don't use it as fodder or bring it up after it has been said....that can even be worse when you hear somone say something as fodder when you thought you couls sya it in confidence.....I go with a simple rule to thy known self be true if you cant be true to yourself how the heck can you expect to be true to othe people.

[AEstud]

When I said "think about it" there at the end...I meant just break up w/ him

[AthenainDelirium]

Okay so here is an update on the situation. I talked to my boyfriend about the whole thing and we agreed not to talk to out online connections on the phone. But I caught him talking to this same girl again and he actually tried to hide it. I don't know what to think anymore.

[rayvanfire]

give him a virus!

[K_SyniculOne]

I don't know how long you've been with your boyfriend, but his looking for love online is the same as mind f**king you. It starts out with a friendly chat room, then a couple of e-mails, then the exchange of telephone numbers and so on. (You've already said he and this "girl" are calling each other). It is truly sad that he has to look for alternative ways of fulfilling himself instead of being dedicated and loyal to you. Well, Karma is a bitch...what comes around, goes around. You should have a long talk with your boyfriend, and tell him that he needs to make a choice : you or his "internet lover". Sounds like he's addicted to net-love, instead of being addicted to you.

[Sceptic_Messiah]

i wouldent worry about it, they'll get bored of eachother eventually. If it really bothers you or carries on then ban the site or accidently break the computer

[AEstud]

I say we break into his room while he's at Mezamiz and just go at the computer with a baseball bat!!! wait...that's not fair to the computer...let's KIDNAPPPP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH! OH!!!! AND PUT PICTURES IN HIS ROOM OF MILLIE BEING (FAKE) TORTURED!!! (we'll use like a stuffed animal that looks like millie or something!!) OHHHHHH!!!!! AAANNNNDDD...WE CAN GO BUY SOME BLOODY COW MEAT AND CUT IT UP AND WRAP IT UP AND PUT "MILLIE" on the bag...yesss....

[Drakken]

Personally; as long as he's defined a STEADY line between whats real and what isn't there shoulnd't be a problem. It IS after all a ROLE playing game right..?

[AEstud]

Break Up With Him!!!!!!!!! We Can't Even Talk When He's Around!!!

[Genesis]

Well... I have dealt with a situation similar to this. Mine was more like girls with web cams... him up late at night on the computer until 5 in the morning. SO, I laid it out on the line. NO CYBER! I was very honest with him about my feelings and how *I* felt that cyber sex was just like cheating. If it was porn he wanted I lead him to a couple good sites and left it at that. It really just had to do a lot with my insecurity. But uhm... if I were in your shoes I would flip out on him. Hands down. Talking to her on the phone?! WHAT?! Creepy. Where is he being loyal to you and your relationship and your feelings? A serious sit down is in need and it's really hard to take that step. Even with as open as I was with my guy it was still very hard to get the words to come out of my mouth.

[memorydream]

In my opinion..

When I have issues with people, I try to ask them about what is going on, in a way that is polite for me and clarify with them my concerns. I ask them to treat me a certain way and, in any type of close relationship, ask them to clarify their position and to consider your emotions. Or, elicit empathy.

...use what you can and feel is appropriate.

[Gothickitty]

Not that I want to admit this, but I ruined my marriage by meeting people from on-line. He may not being doing anything bad YET, but YET is the key word. I guess see if you can read his message archive, but if he can't stop and you have already talked to him, he is not going to stop and it could lead to trouble. *hides head in shame*

[incog]

He is cheating if you have agreed that that is unacceptable in your relationship. If all you've done is get upset about it you need to lay down an ultimatum and be ready to take a hike if cybersex is more important to him.

[bre.star]

One time I made a fake screen name and pretended to be this hot girl who had a crush on my bf (now ex). I (the hot fake girl) planned to meet him at a rave he was spinning at... so he called me (bre) and told me was feeling sick and didn't want to spin at the party.... and after the convo's he had with this fake girl he was 'single' and planned on hooking up with her that night... ugg it made me really upset. he told me i couldnt be mad because nothing happened, but i mean obviously if it wasnt a hoax something would have happened! the point of the story is although your boyfriend is just talking online to some chick, things could get a lot worse...so you better confront him and tell his ass to stop talking to her

[AthenainDelirium]

Thanks you guys for all the advice. I've got some things in mind to try. I'll let you all know how things turn out.

[badkitty]

a few months ago i found out my husband was having role playing cybersex in yahoo chat rooms.naturally i was pissed.i confronted him on it and he deleted yahoo messenger.the real kicker was he said he did it cause he's not getting it enough.not to put any blame on me of course(whatever).maybe if he wasn't such an asshole..different subject,sorry.but if he's talking to this chick on the phone,i would kick his ass to the curb.you don't need that bullshit.