Have you noticed people can *smell* desperation????

[Scar]

Have you noticed people can *smell* desperation????

You know what I am talking about. You are in a relationship, glowing with happiness, and those of the opposite sex are drawn to you. You get a lot of flirty glances, people try and make small talk with you, say they wish u were single, you get invited on dates, etc.

Then when you are single or in the market, people SHUN you. They don't want to get anywhere NEAR you. It's as if they can SENSE your desperation and they find it VERY unattractive.

Anyone else know what I mean? Have u had similar experiences???

[One Eyed Cat]

Have you noticed people can *smell* desperation????

You know what I am talking about. You are in a relationship, glowing with happiness, and those of the opposite sex are drawn to you. You get a lot of flirty glances, people try and make small talk with you, say they wish u were single, you get invited on dates, etc.

Then when you are single or in the market, people SHUN you. They don't want to get anywhere NEAR you. It's as if they can SENSE your desperation and they find it VERY unattractive.

Anyone else know what I mean? Have u had similar experiences???

Can people sense "desperation"? Absolutely. Does being "single" imply such? Absolutely not. Some of us prefer not to be in serious relationships. We may still glow with happiness. I've been on several dates recently without even the guise of one of being seen with a "hot friend" as it were.

I'll tell you what irks the fuck out of me. I believe sometimes when one is considered as a potential "suitor", any problem is automatically grounds for finality. It is as if even the potential for a relationship makes it an all or none proposition. For me, it is the loss of friendships which hurt. I do not like being built up only to be shot down.

JT

[Exquisite]

*hugs* anyone who wouldn't want to hang out with either of you two, be it for dating or just a fun dinner, be you available or not, is nuts!

Thats all =)

[Buster Friendly]

well, what the hell's up with the reverse of that though?

i mean, why is it that when you're happily shacked up with an awesome SigO, and gettin' more sex than a debauched roman emperor, folks who wouldn't give you the time of day when you are single practically throw themselves at you?

i mean, it's some sort of sick inverse relationship, that you get the most attention when you're least interested, or able to take advantage of it...

...i dunno, it's just annoying...

[evilstonermonkey]

BF thats easy. when youre gettin all the sex you could want (which may seem like a physical impossibility ) you feel sexy and confident and happy. a happy person is sexier. a confident person is sexier. and unsurprisingly, a sexier person is sexier.

[helcyon]

BF thats easy. when youre gettin all the sex you could want (which may seem like a physical impossibility ) you feel sexy and confident and happy. a happy person is sexier. a confident person is sexier. and unsurprisingly, a sexier person is sexier.

no way... i'm a beliver of accidentally obliviously anti-likeable and,,, oh wait that"s pretty much in your scope of wotever you said,,, ok i completely concur

[helcyon]

beliver

i certainly am a 100% beliver,,, my A liver gave it up long ago

[Bikerpunk]

Uh wait, You're single, Scar?

[Toe Cutter]

Desperation comes off creepy, and maybe it seems like a weakness or mental illness, I can't put my finger on it. I get scared and generally try to escape the situation. The last thing I would want is some cling-on cramping my style.

Although if I was totally wasted I'd probably be flattered, who knows?

[mmmcherry]

ahhh i agree with buster friendly... when you dont want someone, they all come out. ugh. irritating.

[a_small_death]

For the rest of us common folk it be called the gargoyle phase

[antiseptic fashion]

[B]

Anyone else know what I mean? Have u had similar experiences???

Yeah, It's amazing anyone ever winds up with anyone else at all..

[Mr Karl]

never had that problem

[inox]

We as entities instinctively want to mate and produce offspring with someone genetically superior to us.

Absent obviously damning qualities, the ones who don't show interest register in some way as potentially superior (that is, you are not being automatically selected because you are not good enough.) We want to pull them, and make a Good Genetic Deal (tm).

Similarly, those who seem to be trying to get our attention register in some way as less desirable. We do not want to be pulled by them, and make a Bad Genetic Deal (tm).

These are subconscious undercurrents that inform human interaction, even when offspring are not being actively contemplated.

[One Eyed Cat]

*hugs* anyone who wouldn't want to hang out with either of you two, be it for dating or just a fun dinner, be you available or not, is nuts!

Thats all =)

Dating is the easy part. Losing the friendships is what sucks. At any time you wanna fuck, there is certainly a corollary to you very nearby. Friendships? Not as easy.

JT

[Amelia G]

Dating is the easy part. Losing the friendships is what sucks. At any time you wanna fuck, there is certainly a corollary to you very nearby. Friendships? Not as easy.

JT

Too true. I actually find it peculiar that there are people who approach others with the notion that they either (a) want to be their primary companion and lover or (b) not know them at all. Makes no sense to me.

I think some people have no real taste of their own, so they wait for an alpha male or alpha female to select a mate and then they figure that person's taste must be good enough for them too. Basically they have no true desires beyond envy of others.

[Amelia G]

We as entities instinctively want to mate and produce offspring with someone genetically superior to us.

Absent obviously damning qualities, the ones who don't show interest register in some way as potentially superior (that is, you are not being automatically selected because you are not good enough.) We want to pull them, and make a Good Genetic Deal (tm).

Similarly, those who seem to be trying to get our attention register in some way as less desirable. We do not want to be pulled by them, and make a Bad Genetic Deal (tm).

These are subconscious undercurrents that inform human interaction, even when offspring are not being actively contemplated.

Maybe my lack of the Mommy Gene (and tremendous ego) is why that whole dealio never really made sense to me.

[One Eyed Cat]

Too true. I actually find it peculiar that there are people who approach others with the notion that they either (a) want to be their primary companion and lover or (b) not know them at all. Makes no sense to me.

I think some people have no real taste of their own, so they wait for an alpha male or alpha female to select a mate and then they figure that person's taste must be good enough for them too. Basically they have no true desires beyond envy of others.

It's very frustrating when you don't have a read on it. I think you are probably right as to motivation. Looking back, it always seems to be the ones that suddenly synch with me in a way that is probably just patterned.

JT

[inox]

Maybe my lack of the Mommy Gene (and tremendous ego) is why that whole dealio never really made sense to me.

Well, generally speaking, the more intelligent and introspective the person, the more they follow the direction of their intellect, and the less they are passively governed by weak instincts.

[White Ghost]

[B]
Then when you are single or in the market, people SHUN you. They don't want to get anywhere NEAR you. It's as if they can SENSE your desperation and they find it VERY unattractive.

Anyone else know what I mean? Have u had similar experiences???

Perhaps everyone has been through that stage but it is a mistake caused by believing social convention. Conventional society convinces us we have to be in a "relationship" and that if we are not, it is an aberration. This is just the bar-at-closing-time scenario. Anyone who does not have someone to go home with when the bartender says "last call" gets desperate.

But this is just attachment to silly ideas. Get rid of the idea, don't try another way to achieve it. What sort of relationship could you have anyway when you formed it when you were desperate? You would be repulsed by that person as soon as you came to your senses. And desperate people are often taken advantage of by people who can sense it.

The trick is never to allow yourself to be desperate, and when you feel that way, shut down all operations until it passes. You are more valuable than ever to have to feel desperate. If there is no one around, that is not your fault. It is because you live in f*cked up society, in which relationships are exploited as social status markers. This is a silly high-school game.

[Black Spiral Dancer]

I've noticed it as well. There is on girl that I know that when i first met her, she was seeing someone, and she chose to sit next to me in the club we were in at the time (probably because I was by myself, as like her partner at the time, my friends hadn't turned up yet) ever since either she or I have been seeing someone, and I found out from a former female partner of hers that she really fancied me, as I did her.
Now I'm married, that ship sems to have sailed, also since she seems to have drifted away from Goth music towards Rave and Salsa.

[sheramil]

i think it's less a smell, and more movements and the way one stands. if you're feeling desperate, it shows in many subtle ways, some of which you don't realise you're doing. and primates are very good at picking up on that sort of thing - it's one of the things they do best.
--

[karyn]

i hate desperate but i also hate people who steal other people's boyfriends or girlfriends

[Bikerpunk]

Chicks want what they can't have.

[White Ghost]

Chicks want what they can't have.

There was a philosopher, Heidegger, I think, who said that humans were the creatures that always reach beyond themselves.

So it is natural if not always successful to want what we cannot have, because that is the future we aspire to.

[evilstonermonkey]

i was a bit (read: a complete) outsider in highschool, but managed to avoid the nerd/freak/whatever label. a good number of girlfriends i had during that time were the chicks with high opinions of themselves that were interested in me wholly and solely because i didnt show any interest in them.

of course, none of those relationships lasted more than a week or two, but hey. i have a low tolerance for bullshit.