Is Valentine's Day about Hope, or Security?

[ForrestBlack]

People wrap some holidays with a lot of their emotional needs and wants, more so than I think is sometimes healthy, but I can't decide which is the more dominant for Valentine's Day. Is Valentine's Day more about the hopes for a better more loving more intimate relationship, or is it really about getting affirmation that your relationship is secure and safe?

[Amelia G]

I think it might be more about hope, as a really secure and safe relationship might enjoy a night out but does not require affirmation, but a rocky one might require something to bolster optimism.

[fedora]

I think it's mostly about making money out of people who feel obliged to do "something special" not to disappoint their partners .

But I'm a cynical voice here, it's just I don'y really like such "commercial" holidays with their media-amplified hype.

[VoltaireBlue]

I'm with amelia on this one.

[Bikerpunk]

That "lovey dovey" shit is the first thing to disappear in "relationships". What it's really about is bullshit.

[Nos]

I enjoy it ... just like all the Holidays They always fill me with hope. - I'm sappy like that!

[Aza]

The curse of Valentine's Day is not in its cheesiness, or in the fact that it's basically just another candy-company holiday. Its curse is its intended nature. Like anniversaries, its intention is to designate a single day out of the year where we are obligated to show our significant others how we feel about them with special attention, gifts, chocolate, cards, romance and recognition.

The problem: these are things that two people actually in love don't need to be obligated to do.

If your relationship is so bad-off that you need specially-designated holidays to force to pamper your loved one or them to pamper you... well, then you and your partner either have a lot to work on, or it's high time you parted ways.

[mystoo]

Hit the nail on the head.

[Anna Evans]

I agree with Amelia and Voltaire.

[Morning Glory]

the cynic in me sides with what a lot of you people say.

but the romantic is in favor of any excuse to get free candy and potentially sex.

[Vix]

Meh fuckit..
just another day, except not as easy to get hold of your friends

[nathanmbailey]

I agree with most of the people, it's just a Hallmark holiday, but I think it's for another reason entirely. I think it was created in order for women to compare how well trained they have their man, and then when the man fails to be "as good a boyfriend/husband/whatever" it's an excuse for the woman to put him through a guilt trip.

Maybe there's a reason I neve seem to be in a relationship in February...

[Mr Karl]

we aren't perticularily big on valentines day here, but it is also the aniversery of the day we got the keys to our house, so maybe for us it's a bit of both

[Deadly Envy]

Oh man... I wonder if I'm biggest idiot alive or if I just have a extremely unreasonable and hypersensitive girlfriend.

I fucked this day up big time. So I guess I'd say it is more about hope than anything else.

[Wickedanima]

I don't know if its about anything but Envy personally. The worst part of Valentines has always been watching every other girl being lavished, every other boy planning diamonds, bundles of sweet smelling flowers, or even a vague card that's meant to make his lady feel good.

It always irked me that even the most dysfunctional relationship people got beautiful gifts for each other out of a sense of ritual, or that even people more unpleasant than me got lavished while I got a million excuses. One boyfriend would say "I hate Valentines, so you're fubar", the other would whine about an ex and her demands, and how he was lucky he didn't have an attractive girlfriend that wanted pretty things.

So. Valentines often becomes about... An often mindless ritual at its best, and at its worst its an excuse for a bad lover to take out past hurts on his/her Current. Of course honesty would go a long way to cure alot of that. Make sure LONG before the date if this day is important to your S.O., and if so, do something for them.

People tend to get too caught up in the principal of "This is how I feel, and I assume this is how my boy/girl/ze feels, right? Right?".

Valentines doesn't suck as much as x-mas... but we should think about banning it for good. lol.

[Deadly Envy]

I don't know if its about anything but Envy personally. The worst part of Valentines has always been watching every other girl being lavished, every other boy planning diamonds, bundles of sweet smelling flowers, or even a vague card that's meant to make his lady feel good.

It always irked me that even the most dysfunctional relationship people got beautiful gifts for each other out of a sense of ritual, or that even people more unpleasant than me got lavished while I got a million excuses. One boyfriend would say "I hate Valentines, so you're fubar", the other would whine about an ex and her demands, and how he was lucky he didn't have an attractive girlfriend that wanted pretty things.

So. Valentines often becomes about... An often mindless ritual at its best, and at its worst its an excuse for a bad lover to take out past hurts on his/her Current. Of course honesty would go a long way to cure alot of that. Make sure LONG before the date if this day is important to your S.O., and if so, do something for them.

People tend to get too caught up in the principal of "This is how I feel, and I assume this is how my boy/girl/ze feels, right? Right?".

Valentines doesn't suck as much as x-mas... but we should think about banning it for good. lol.

Funny thing is... I was in your shoes for many years. I use to always get stuck with watching everybody else having someone on special day while I am lone. This changed two years ago.

Last year it was very nice. This year... it was a disaster. Yeah I think you're right about people get too caught up in prinicipal of "This is how I feel, and I assume this is how he/she feel" I think this was the main reason it got fucked up.

It's a shame your ex was that way toward you. You deserve more than that.

[LaurenWK]

I try not to make Valentine's Day about much of anything, usually, haha. My boyfriend and I did have a nice day, today, though.... Any excuse to spend time together and be cute is nice, hah.

[Bikerpunk]

So in other words, if you need VD day, your relationship is fucked (FAIL)
and if you don't, you usually have to deal with watching other people do it right and envy that? (FAIL)

Looks like a load of stress and failage, and I don't need the belly fat.

[Rockwulf]

So in other words, if you need VD day, your relationship is fucked (FAIL)
and if you don't, you usually have to deal with watching other people do it right and envy that? (FAIL)

Looks like a load of stress and failage, and I don't need the belly fat.

If you need VD day, then you're really fucked and need to go get some penicillin.

[JonQ]

I dunno...I quite like the idea of Valentine's, although not really much in it for the single folks.
Is Valentine's about Hope or Security? From an academic/theological standpoint, it's actually about security. At least if you believe the Catholic church, because St. Valentine is the patron saint for those who have already found their soulmate.
If you are out there LOOKING for love...the Hope, as it were...then you need to be talking to St. Raphael. He deals with that bit. Kind of the before to St. Valentine's after.

[Morning Glory]

what's up with religions these days? what has become of good old fashion monotheism?

[keiko]

I prefer to think of it as "Cheap Chocolate Eve". That's what it's really about, chocolate.

Of course Monday night is my Chocoholics Anonymous meeting, which is going to make things awkward.

~K

[Wickedanima]

Funny thing is... I was in your shoes for many years. I use to always get stuck with watching everybody else having someone on special day while I am lone. This changed two years ago.

Last year it was very nice. This year... it was a disaster. Yeah I think you're right about people get too caught up in prinicipal of "This is how I feel, and I assume this is how he/she feel" I think this was the main reason it got fucked up.

It's a shame your ex was that way toward you. You deserve more than that.

It happens, fortunately, if you've got someone who's not shitty, you can always make up for screwing up. ^_^

And ty. I think everyone deserves not to be treated like shit. It just takes time and patience and alot of shit to find someone that's reallly into you.

[vampyrdraven666]

ah, valentine's day... i dont remember what it used to be for, but now its pretty much just another day to be greedy and get more useless stuff that will either fill up your closet or make you fat. im tired of it.
on the other hand, its a day where you get to express your feelings for somone and not look like a total sap. i dont like the way its celebrated now, but there are ways to do it so you dont look like you NEED the day, but just take advantage of it in a good way.


"and how did cupid get mixed up in the Christianized hoilday anyway?" asks the confused little witch.

[Clockwork Jello]

Personally to me I almost forgot Valentine's day existed. Then again the day is my b-day as well, so that kinda trumps anything else going on during that day of the year.

As for the actual holiday I think its a joke regardless what it is for. You should show that kind of affection to your other half all year round, not just do it on that day. I mean it seems to me to be far more romanti to get roses or something like that unexpectantly rather than on a day you expect it to be given to you.

[Raza]

As a general rule, actions are expressions of hope/passion/affection, whereas rules and prescriptions are expressions of fear and insecurity.

So valentines as a yearly ritual seems mostly a grasp for security and any demands and expectations made around it definitely are, but in individuals it may serve only as a reminder to inspire perfectly positive action. Kinda depends on what you do with it.

[Rockwulf]

"and how did cupid get mixed up in the Christianized hoilday anyway?" asks the confused little witch.

So you're a witch and a vampire now? Or did you give up the vampire thing because it was stupid and being a witch makes far more sense?

[vulfgrl]

I'm a cheap date. I don't celebrate it.
But I like the sale chocolate after VDay!

[helcyon]

whine about an ex and her demands, and how he was lucky he didn't have an attractive girlfriend that wanted pretty things.

Haha that's a definite for the "thoughtless, stupid comments" file. What a sap. If anything that belongs in the "things to think but never say" file.

Valentines doesn't suck as much as x-mas... but we should think about banning it for good. lol.

That's exactly what I was thinking so I've quoted you.

It looks like there is a lot of anxiety, bitterness and resentment around this one. Myself I'm only mildly so... as I can't take that day seriously. Fucking mainstream crap traditions where the downside (see many of the previous comments) is much more significant than the upside (being what exactly? We don't need a day for sweets, cards and so on I think. Apparently I'm very repeatedly wrong).

It was last Saturday right? Well I was all dreggy that day due to imbibing on Friday so I didn't want to do anything however I had an arrangement made. I reluctantly rang to confirm and got effectively stood up anyway which confusingly pissed me off a bit even though I was sort of glad. The next day I got totally drunk and went out to lunch with her anyway which didn't work out that great either so right now I'm supposed to go over and "talk about it" (groan). I don't think I'm in sex with her any more.

[Iggyisdead]

I thought Valentines Day was created to give Hallmark and 1-800 Flowers business between Christmas and Mothers Day.

Back to the question at hand though: I think it's about affirmation that indeed the relationships is secure.

[Wickedanima]

Haha that's a definite for the "thoughtless, stupid comments" file. What a sap. If anything that belongs in the "things to think but never say" file.

I have been known to have really fucking god awful taste in partners. Thus somehow, I am to blame. ^_^

It looks like there is a lot of anxiety, bitterness and resentment around this one. Myself I'm only mildly so... as I can't take that day seriously. Fucking mainstream crap traditions where the downside (see many of the previous comments) is much more significant than the upside (being what exactly? We don't need a day for sweets, cards and so on I think. Apparently I'm very repeatedly wrong).

I can't help but not take it seriously myself. I think the ritual of the thing becomes important. Like x-mas, which I do to a certain degree for love of the Boyfriend's family. I just think it boils down to, again, how much your arsed to do something for someone in your life if its important to them.

Its like my anniversary... almost always celebrated with a trip to Taco Bell to mark the day, but not as a mindless ritual of expectation.

Blah blah blah. I type stuff.

[Bikerpunk]

So you're a witch and a vampire now? Or did you give up the vampire thing because it was stupid and being a witch makes far more sense?

Part of me wants to hire Rockwulf as a narrator for any documentary out there.
+1

[Wickedanima]

Part of me wants to hire Rockwulf as a narrator for any documentary out there.
+1

He'd be an especially great replacement for all those chester-cheesy ass shows on the paranormal/ufos/bigfeet.

[Rockwulf]

Tonight on Ghost Hunters:

These bunch of goofy lookin' retards led by the guy from The Shield's dumbass little brother traipse around some boring assed old hotel, or maybe it's a restaurant. Oh, could be both. That'd be rather pleasant actually. I could go for a few days off from work and enjoy a quaint little B&B in the country with an attractive lady friend of mine.

Yeah so anyway, for the next hour these dumbshits are gonna set up a bunch of equipment that they took out 2nd mortgages on their homes to buy and they're gonna split up. And then when a member of one team walks into the other team's shot, they're all going to completely lose their shit over nothing.

There. I just saved an hour of your life. You owe me a beer for that. Can I leave now or do I have to sit and watch this horseshit?

[Velvet-Tongue]

I think it's mostly about making money out of people who feel obliged to do "something special" not to disappoint their partners .

But I'm a cynical voice here, it's just I don'y really like such "commercial" holidays with their media-amplified hype.

I agree with Fedora here. Loving people is a good thing but Valentines Day is more about spending money, buying roses/chocolate/wine/dinner etc then trying to reaffirm or aspire to love.

[Velvet-Tongue]

Tonight on Ghost Hunters:

These bunch of goofy lookin' retards led by the guy from The Shield's dumbass little brother traipse around some boring assed old hotel, or maybe it's a restaurant. Oh, could be both. That'd be rather pleasant actually. I could go for a few days off from work and enjoy a quaint little B&B in the country with an attractive lady friend of mine.

Yeah so anyway, for the next hour these dumbshits are gonna set up a bunch of equipment that they took out 2nd mortgages on their homes to buy and they're gonna split up. And then when a member of one team walks into the other team's shot, they're all going to completely lose their shit over nothing.

There. I just saved an hour of your life. You owe me a beer for that. Can I leave now or do I have to sit and watch this horseshit?

rofl, yeah thats about how it goes. "DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT OH FUCK" "That was me sorry guys" "Ohhhh youu~~~"