awful movies

[Bondage Clown]

Sean Connery was in a movie called "Zardoz"

Waste of time

[guinea_worm]

i liked zardoz very much, specially when the big head attacks, very cool

[Buster Friendly]

what? Zardoz is brilliant!!!!

no if you want to watch a really...really...really...NO REALLY BAD connery movie check out the one where he plays 'the green knight' maybe it's called 'gwain and the green knight'...anyway, it's so bloody awful it's brilliant...

my friends recently tried to force me to watch 'santa claus conquers the martians', which they claimed I'd hate as much as they did...but they could only take about 5 mins. of it... which wasn't enough time for me to develop the loathing, pain, and nausea that was evident on their faces... I tried to get them to watch more of it...mostly because it was funny to see them so distraught... but they looked like we'd have to fight over it if I pushed it...

a really terrible movie that I think is great some how is 'phantom of the paradise'... so 70's it hurts!!! robbie williams as a satanic phil spector...

...Kill Bill and the LOTR movies were so bad that I nearly stopped watching movies... in fact I vowed to quit after those 5... ugh!!!

House of 1,000 corpses was just more killer redneck anti-yankee liberul propaganda...ugh!!! i kept hoping something interesting would happen...but nope, the rednecks kill the stupid city folk... funny to watch 'em try it with the folks I know from Detroit or the Bronx... 'what? what's that you scary white bitch? you want us to go into your herman munster ass lookin' house, and chat it up with your manson ass family? Shut the fuck up!!!'

that's all for now... unless anyone wants to start riffing on the 'leperchuan in the hood' movies... (warwick davis deserves to make mad loot for those yo...)

[faultofhumanity]

the worst and yet still slightly entertaining for the sake of seeing what these guys could fuck up next movie i have ever seen was the wolves of wall street. you can guess it by the name, its a werewolf movie on wall street. protagonist joins company, company turns out to be wolfy antagonists, protagonists kills them all with silver pen. yes, thats right, he defends himself from an ENTIRE wall street firm of werewolves with a pen.

[Morning Glory]

funny to watch 'em try it with the folks I know from Detroit or the Bronx...

I beleive that scenario was called Bones and it had snoop dog in it.

[RobLongshot]

Leperachaun in the hood.... another... so bad, its good.

[Spaceman Spiff]

the worst and yet still slightly entertaining for the sake of seeing what these guys could fuck up next movie i have ever seen was the wolves of wall street. you can guess it by the name, its a werewolf movie on wall street. protagonist joins company, company turns out to be wolfy antagonists, protagonists kills them all with silver pen. yes, thats right, he defends himself from an ENTIRE wall street firm of werewolves with a pen.

He...ha,ha,ha...silver pen...ha,ha,ha...

[Buster Friendly]

hmmmm....I do not recall any killer rednecks in Bones... although the maggot vomiting dog was a nice touch...

...no, I think it would be alot of fun to produce a documentry entitled 'Killer Redneck Cracker Ass Racists vs. Detroit on a Saturday Night', provided you didn't get shot and killed for your cameras, and movie making gear.

[Spaceman Spiff]

...no, I think it would be alot of fun to produce a documentry entitled 'Killer Redneck Cracker Ass Racists vs. Detroit on a Saturday Night', provided you didn't get shot and killed for your cameras, and movie making gear.

It would, however, be important...and funny...to at least get some footage of someone elses gear getting stolen.
...maybe you could get some industrial camoflage, like a cardboard boxes or a custom dumpster to hide the crew in while you film...like in those nature films where they pretend to be bushes and shit.

[Morning Glory]

hmmmm....I do not recall any killer rednecks in Bones... although the maggot vomiting dog was a nice touch...

the supposition was that people from all walks of life are stupid enough to go into haunted houses and get killed by wierdos.

[Buster Friendly]

hey in Detroit you're a weirdo if you aren't willing to maim and murder LOL...

...and you sure as heck don't need to go into a haunted house to get killed...

but enough about my favorite vacation destination...

...more bad movies...

...um... lessee here... I am a HUGE fan of kungfu movies... just about all of which are awful by deffinition...

man, there as just so many merely 'bad' movies... the truely awful are the ones worthy of praise...

...ha! I watched 'the crow:city of angels' the other day... I used to think that I would be able to watch Mia Kirshner give a reading of her tax returns... or that Iggy Pop could redeem anything...

alas, my youthful naivetee is gone now...

::weeps::into::hands::

[Host]

Tomb Raider! absolutely horrid! i came out of the cinema feeling the loss of IQ. i stayed untill the end just cause i wasn't alone.

also, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was terribly sad. Too bad Sean Connery had to play a role, otherwise it would'ave been completely, flawlessly worthless.

and let's not forget Shaft. that is one of the movies i've never finished watching. damn... i've still got that stupid theme in my head... also along the list: Underworld, Blade, Van Helsing.

Bah!

[Buster Friendly]

Hush your mouth!!!

are you talkin' about the orginal Shaft? or the recent remake? or Shaft goes to Africa? LOL...

didn't care too much for the new version that fucking drug dealer 'choo bes' kill me maihn! 'choo bes' kill me maihn!'

I liked the first Blade movie... it was silly vampire nonsense... and wesley snipes is an underrated action star... I like the dedication he gives to his martial arts, and making the fight scenes look good...

...Underworld was a fucking travesty though... not even Kate Becksdale in PVC could save that stinker...

blame both of those on the popularity of white wolf's 'vampire:the endless hassel' RPG...ugh!! I shall have to write a monograph on how that company nearly single handedly collapsed 'goff' into the mainstream... it will be a study of subcultural cooption and neutralization by the mainstream... FEH!!!

[Host]

@Buster Friendly: The remake of Shaft of course. the old Shaft is just one of those movies everyone except me has seen. but i've lost all faith in even trying, after nearly watching through the remake. Ugh!

[faultofhumanity]

Hush your mouth!!!

...Underworld was a fucking travesty though... not even Kate Becksdale in PVC could save that stinker...

kate beckinsale saves anything in pvc. *shudders with ecstacy*

[Spaceman Spiff]

kate beckinsale saves anything in pvc. *shudders with ecstacy*

Yes, but just barely. The overacting in Underworld, especially by the Craven character...I think thats the name... was so over the top and attention drawing that every scene he was in was lost on me because I couldn't concentrate on anything else. Someone needs to inform him that Jon Lovitz is the only person that can parlay over enunciation into a better performance.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Ok, so I'm filpping through the movie channels and I come across Rolling Vengeance a movie about a boy who uses a monster truck to get vengeance for the death of his family. So I'm thinking, a monster truck and vengeance how could they go wrong? Well aparently they found a way. It took an hour for the vengeance to get underway and then he's just driving over cars and running the killers down with the truck. My love of monster trucks has been seriously crushed...ha,ha,ha pun intended...after watching this piece of crap. If you ever have the chance to watch it I suggest you don't, its like Monster Jam and The Punisher cambined if you threw out the script...and the guns, seriously, I saw one gun shot into a ceiling and nothing even fell, there was just some smoke coming from the barrel as if someone had shotgunned it with a cigarette...oh, it was awful ...I'd love to keep ranting but I'll spare you...man what an awful movie.

[Buster Friendly]

'it sounded like a good idea...'

how many movies like those have we seen?

[Toe Cutter]

What about the 'Ernest' fucker? I hate those movies. Ernest does donkey blow job or whatever?

[Spaceman Spiff]

What about the 'Ernest' fucker? I hate those movies. Ernest does donkey blow job or whatever?

Man, they seriously made more of those movies than anyone ever needs to see. I mean, who watches them...like eight year old kids right... there could be TWO Ernest movies that could satisfy generation after generation of kids and the wrest of us could watch latenight TV in peace, not having to worry about an Ernest Goes To The Donkey Show...thanks for the mental image TC...filling a valuable timeslot for more shitty movies about vengance and monster trucks ...damn shitty movies!

...whats pathetic is after watching Rolling Vengeance I watched Class of 1999 II: the Substitute. The movie is like the Terminator only about a robot teacher played by the kid that played Cody on Step-by-Step. Oh, I couldn't bring myself to turn it off...damn my insomia

[Morning Glory]

a really awful yet funny movie is called Road Rage, I think it has the guy from star ship troopers in it, or some other shitty actor along those lines. the plot is that this guys is dating this chick, well I don't even know if they are dating maybe they went out on one date,but she dumps him and then she happens to talk to some guy, like asks him the time or something, and her boyfreind sees them and goes crazy to the rest of the movie is him trying to kill her and this poor guy that has nothing to do with it. the most ridiculous and hysertical thing about the movie is he's always chasing them in this pickup truck that for some reason can't be destroyed. it get's blow up, shot and pushed off a cliff and it still keeps running. I think finally it like falls offa mountain into a crusher or something. heh.

[Buster Friendly]

hey... that's a squel to the brilliant 'class of 1984' torma style exploitation movie rigth? man I'd forgetten 'bout those.

...what about 'Surf Nazi's Must Die!!!' LOL... the black Momma blowing away surf nazis is like something out of my childhood... hahaha

[Bondage Clown]

hey... that's a squel to the brilliant 'class of 1984' torma style exploitation movie rigth? man I'd forgetten 'bout those.

...what about 'Surf Nazi's Must Die!!!' LOL... the black Momma blowing away surf nazis is like something out of my childhood... hahaha

Those are great films.. They are made by a guy with a face only a mother could love...

LLOYD KAUFMAN FOR PRESIDENT

[Vitorro]

Trouma movies, damn I had almost forgotten them kind of films. damn, now Toxie is runnin through My head again ughhh