how do you deal with them

[Belladonna]

you know the one that gets upset no matter what you say. thier house smells but you can't say "change the litter box" because they get buthurt.they don't smeell so good anymore but you feel bad not talking to them.jokes are beyond them. they seem like oversized children who have children. the friendship is messing you up because you don't feel like a good friend if you say something and if you leave it alone you feel worse. what if you know they said crap about you in front of your kids? yet they help you out when you need it. do you tell them they stink, they'rekid sinks, they're house stinks, and they're big babies or lrt it go?
don't real friends stab you in the face?

[Toe Cutter]

Only call them when you need something then. Seriously though, I'd just be honest with them and let the chips fall where they may (easy for me to say, right?).

[Belladonna]

i may have to do that. it's getting hard to hold it in. i'm not the only one who sees and smells it. i just find it hard to tell her. she was a good friend for a while.

[Bondage Clown]

My freinds and I don't beat about the bush... We tell it like it is... Yes, we may get upset for a moment.. but later we realise that it was a good thing...

It strengthens bonds with those that truly should be in (any-form of) relationship with you

[Evilbink]

My freinds and I don't beat about the bush... We tell it like it is... Yes, we may get upset for a moment.. but later we realise that it was a good thing...

[TheDeathKnight]

The way I deal with things like that, is to be honest, but let them know that even if I have bad things to say, I am not mad at them, nor do I hate them, etc... I have not dealt with the kind of situation you describe, but I have had several situations where someone wanted to be my friend, and was inviting me to things, hanging around a lot, etc... So I had to tell them I was not interested in hanging out. They were hurt at first, but when I would see them, I would be nice, be friendly, etc... So they realized I did not hate them, just did not want to be close friends. So it turned out ok. Most of the time you don't have to tell someone. They usually just get it. But if they don't get it, you have to tell them. The key is the follow-up. Make sure they realize you don't hate them. Just that you had to say what you had to say.

[Toe Cutter]

steal something from their house

[Bondage Clown]

ROFL
then replace it with Febreeze....

[Belladonna]

lol
i usely tell it like it is. i don't know why i haven't done that in this case. maybe i should buy them a basket with febreeze, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, and baby wash.
but really thanks i'm going to talk to her.so she may not be my friend but i will feel i was a real friend to her.

[sheramil]

you know the one that gets upset no matter what you say. thier house smells but you can't say "change the litter box" because they get buthurt.

here's a very handy quote by William S Burroughs. print it out and use it!

Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.
Tell them firmly:
I AM NOT BEING PAID TO LISTEN TO THIS DRIVEL.
YOU ARE A TERMINAL FOOL!

[inox]

If you give your time to people who suck, they will drag you down to their level of misery, bit by bit.

[Belladonna]

this i'm finding to be true. just don't want to feel like i'm crapping on her. people do that to her alot. maybe i just feel sorry fro her.

[Pull~My~Hair]

yeah i have someonelike that too...herhouse is icky allof thetime...it smells like dirty diapers....I just asked her if she wanted me to take the baby for a while so she could clean undisturbed...she got the point I think

[Morning Glory]

well to be honest you guys don't sound like very compatible freinds. You seem to really care about how these people smell, which seems pretty superficial to me. knowing that someone is there for me and willing to help take care of my kids seems to be a lot more important then personal hygene, but that's just me. on the other hand you say that they talk crap about you in front of your kids, so it seems like they don't agree with your way of life either. really neighter one of you has any right to tell the other person what they should do in thier own home, and neither of you seem to like how the other one operates there's. I don't think either one of you sound like bad people, just not like good freinds.

[sheramil]

well to be honest you guys don't sound like very compatible freinds. You seem to really care about how these people smell, which seems pretty superficial to me.

does the expression "shit lasagna" mean anything to you?

have you ever been to a place where the occupants are so fucked up, they've destroyed the toilet and are using the bathtub? and they cover their efforts in newspaper to produce a kind of layered effect?

dealing with that kind of smell isn't at all superficial. goddamn crack addicts.

[Pull~My~Hair]

when theres a child involved it does pose a hazzard...having old food around and dirty diapers...that can make her kids sick....so in a way I do think you are kinda entitled to be bothered

[pagan]

outside of health reasons, (which is a situation not able to be declaired by un-trained outsiders). I would mind my own buisness. If it's crack head bad then thats one thing. But a stinky house in a whole other matter.
From the mothers I know the worst thing you can do is complain about how they raise their child. "Thats fightin' words".

From what you explained it doesn't sound that bad and I think you shoud not but into other peoples lives. What sheramil explained sounds horrible and perhaps would be a situation for you to try to help them first and maybe have to involve professional help. I guess it depends on the details.

If it is not really that bad, maybe your just extra sensitive or extra clean. In that case, and they help you out when you need it. You need to reconsider who you are and what friendship really is.

Like I said depends on the details.

[Belladonna]

everyone is talking about them. they leave the smell behind on the sofa when they leave. there is alot more crap happening than i can get into but she asks me to tell her these things than gets pissed if i do. she asks for advice i wont give because she gets pissed at me. i know what fightin' words are i have 6 kids of my own. but she asked for it. she wants to watch my kids and they say she plays favorites. i am a bit of a clean freek at times but her house smells really bad and i don't think she knows. i just want people to stop coming to me saying tell her about it. i'm like how? she can be so nice and then turn into a mega-b@#%h. the baby is hers. i've said that to alot of people. i don't tell her how to raise her kid that's why i'm asking. how do i deal with this. her family has become the butt of alot of jokes. yah i'm different and i know they knock me behind my back but i can take it she'll cry and shit. i care how she feels and i don't want her to find out the wrong way. i guess what i'm asking is should i say anything or just let her get hurt? i can deal with her hating me. God knows alot of people do. i would just like to try to help. but maybe it's not my place.

[Toe Cutter]

Can you discribe the smell?

[Evilbink]

Seriously though, I'd just be honest with them and let the chips fall where they may (easy for me to say, right?).

Listen to the clown..he know what he's talking about

[Belladonna]

Can you discribe the smell?

b.o., spoiled clothes, cat pee. baby smells funny to that i can't discribe.

[Pull~My~Hair]

you could also approach her as if.."you had no idea" but you've heard people talking , and thought she should know. That way she can't get upset at you.

[Toe Cutter]

"It's not my weed officer, I was holding it for my friend"

[Toe Cutter]

Listen to the clown..he know what he's talking about

It's that wholesome mid-western upbringing.

[Belladonna]

lol sometimes i really love you guys

[TheDeathKnight]

you could also approach her as if.."you had no idea" but you've heard people talking , and thought she should know. That way she can't get upset at you.

This is actually a really good way of doing it...

Say:

"Holy shit! I was down at the Costco, and I ran into some people from town, and I heard them talking about how your place smells! WTF! I can't believe some people! I mean, your place smells a bit, but I can't believe people are talking about it and stuff... "

Then, if she does not clean up her act in a few weeks, you can say:

"Hey, remember those people who were saying your house smells? It *does* kinda smell pretty bad... Maybe you should try to clean it up..."

Do you think it's a situation where she has let things go, or is she one of these people who never really learned how to keep a place clean?

See, some people have never had to clean up their own messes,
and so when they get on their own, they forget that no one
is going to clean it, and so it gets pretty bad. And the only
thing that will make them learn, is to let it get REALLY bad.
Then they realize *why* they need to clean. Because if they
don't clean, it will get *really* bad again. But people need
to learn this stuff on their own. They need to live in their
own filth, and they need to smell it, and have other people
talk about it, so they finally get off their ass, and clean it.
But if someone cleans it for them, or helps them, then
they will not learn the lesson. And of course some people
simply do not care, and will not change. But I'd just stay
clear of having those kind of people as friends...

[Toe Cutter]

^ Don't you think she'd be like "Who?" "What did they look like?", She'd know it was a ruse.

[Belladonna]

yah she would want to know who. she has let it go. maybe i shuold just make a gift of cleaning stuff for home and body with a card that says from a friend. then i didn't have to say a thing. i'll even have someone she dosen't know that well write it so i can't be tied to it. sounds bad but i really have been thinking of doing that.

[Toe Cutter]

Fuck buying her shit. She won't use it anyways. She probably owns all that stuff anyway. Stop being a chicken-shit, break her off some.

I have an idea, if you want to get real wicked, just call child protection! Say the children are in cages and sleep in animal feces. That house will turn around pretty damn quick!

[Belladonna]

that's pritty messed up. i'm gonna talk to her.

[Bondage Clown]

Wooot.. let us know how it went.. remember...

*looks in pocket for speech he wrote* umm, crap...

If ya'all are truly friends then it won't matter that you told it how it is... if not... welll I will be your friend

[Pull~My~Hair]

you could also say something like "you poor lady you never get a chance to clean your house...I can take your kids for a couple hours if youd like so you can clean" i dunno

[Bondage Clown]

Or a gift certificate to a maid service for a holiday or something

[TheDeathKnight]

Hire ninjas with fire hoses...

[Bondage Clown]

and midgets with axes

[juanicio]

why dont you stop being a big baby and say something...or maybe i will, and i promise feelings will be hurt if jasperino & juanicio get involved. and you can take that to the bank

[One Eyed Cat]

Best not to

OEC

[skintwisterman]

Breed Piranha and Chihuahua and unleash the resulting mutant, all-devouring spawn on your enemy.

Rargh.

[sheramil]

give us a phone number and we'll call and ask "does that place really smell as bad as i've read about online?"

[Belladonna]

why dont you stop being a big baby and say something...or maybe i will, and i promise feelings will be hurt if jasperino & juanicio get involved. and you can take that to the bank

promise? because things just got stranger.