If you think someone you care about may have a drug problem...

[Amelia G]

What do you do if you think someone you care about may have a drug problem?

I don't care if someone does drugs. I don't even care if they do them often. Different people have different biochemistry and can handle different intakes of different substances. I think it is a question of personal choice about what each individual wants to do with his or her body.

But I do get concerned if someone I care about seems to be developing a problem. I believe someone has a drug problem when they get to the point where they miss opportunities and screw up jobs and relationships etc. because of drugs and when they spend more than they can afford on drugs and don't have the dough left for food or rent. Someone doesn't have to be physically addicted to have a problem. If the drugs are making the decisions instead of them, then they have a problem.

But what do you do to help someone with a problem? Especially someone who could no way afford rehab and might be offended by the suggestion that they cut down to a level where they could still handle their life?

[One Eyed Cat]

Tell them you think they have a problem, for one. I'd have to say I've had very limited success in helping people with drug problems, however. They have to see it for themselves.

OEC

[Ellis]

I have lost many friends to drug use, in many ways. Short of locking them up, nothing has worked to make them quit. Just be there for them, but dont support their drug use, or try to lessen the pain or anxiety from side effects of the drugs, that will just enforce it.

[One Eyed Cat]

I have lost many friends to drug use, in many ways. Short of locking them up, nothing has worked to make them quit. Just be there for them, but dont support their drug use, or try to lessen the pain or anxiety from side effects of the drugs, that will just enforce it.

Same. I hate to be morbid about the situation, but at some point you start practicing eulogies.

OEC

[killerkat]

having the over a decade of heavy hullicinogenic "drug" usage,as well as heavy ethoegen usage........and always having a positive outlook, always being able to stop, and almost always knowing my limits,making "trip reports" notes,ect.ect.

i have a hard time dealing with these people......i just can't seem to relate becuse of all that^, i never had one time i couldn't just be like" hey i'm gonna take a ""consensus reality" break"...............but i try to use myself as examples and tell stories of experinces to bring them to the realization that this is a purely recretional thing............

[Ellis]

The worst thing is, when someone dies, you know that there was a point where you *could* have locked them in a room. You *could* have had them commited. Eventually you realize life is less about living and more about choice for some people. It isnt that these people dont know that drugs will kill/hurt them, its that its not as big of a deal to them. Very scarey from my standpoint.

[CPRB]

I think there's better things you can do with your time i have done drugs and I feel like it was a waste of time...

[One Eyed Cat]

I tried to do something but failed. In retrospect, I honestly do not believe I could have done anything to stop it.

OEC

[Ellis]

Then I envy you. My biggest problem is that I feel like I have to be there for everyone. I feel like its my job to help friends, to save them. When I fail, in any way, its damaging to my self worth... but I dont think I would have it any other way.

[One Eyed Cat]

Then I envy you. My biggest problem is that I feel like I have to be there for everyone. I feel like its my job to help friends, to save them. When I fail, in any way, its damaging to my self worth... but I dont think I would have it any other way.

In time, you may reach a moment where you know you often cannot save people from themselves (I'm saying this tentatively as I do not know the specifics) It will always be sad. I think a piece of my soul was taken from a number of incidents between 93-98. I'm just now coming to a true sense of inner peace. I fought it for a long time.

OEC

[missbunny]

I think people get to a point where they are losing control over thier drug use because they have other underlying problems. People get self destructive when they are unhappy. I think the most responsible way to treat drug abuse is to address the person's depression or problems that cause them to not care about hurting themselves.

The bottom line, though, is that if someone doesn't want help it won't do much good to beat yourself up for not being able to help them. It never hurts to be honest with someone who is a real friend though. I know that I have done my share of experimenting with drugs and using substance for escapism. I would probably not initially be very receptive to someone telling me I had a problem, but it would definitely make me re-evaluate things. I could probably admit having a problem after having it pointed out to me.

....my two cents.

[Morning Glory]

fuck em. i've known many people in this situation, been there myself. I don't know what to tell you, whoever said that they know they have a problem, but just don't care is right on. there's no one that's like "holy shit you're kidding me? shooting dope is bad for you? if someone told me that sooner... i'm gonna put the needle down right now." They know. I say you're an idiot but it's your life, and there's no such thing as addiction, there's only choices. the pipes don't light themselves and the pills don't jump down your throat. the drugs don't need you. and when you die, I'm not going to feel bad about it, because it's not my fault. that may sound heartless but I don't have the luxury of being able to run everyone's lives, and i'd be just as dilluted as a drug-user if I thought that I did, or should.

[MistressJennifer]

What do you do if you think someone you care about may have a drug problem?

I don't care if someone does drugs. I don't even care if they do them often. Different people have different biochemistry and can handle different intakes of different substances. I think it is a question of personal choice about what each individual wants to do with his or her body.

But I do get concerned if someone I care about seems to be developing a problem. I believe someone has a drug problem when they get to the point where they miss opportunities and screw up jobs and relationships etc. because of drugs and when they spend more than they can afford on drugs and don't have the dough left for food or rent. Someone doesn't have to be physically addicted to have a problem. If the drugs are making the decisions instead of them, then they have a problem.

But what do you do to help someone with a problem? Especially someone who could no way afford rehab and might be offended by the suggestion that they cut down to a level where they could still handle their life?

Oh Amelia.... You can TRY to talk to them about it, but they usually just get angry and deny it. God, literally EVERYONE I know or have dated has a drug problem. My girlfriend is missing, presumed dead... When I tried to help her, she just turned away from me.

Drug addicts just want to be around other drug addicts. It is such a close bond that you can never infiltrate.

I guess, just try everything you can think of, but you can't MAKE them stop. Nothing can. It is heartbreaking, I mean, I have seen people die, go to jail, destroy themselves and me in the process.

Do the best you can, but don't blame yourself if it doesn't work. It is really up to them.

[Shadow]

I have lost a buch of friends and family to drugs ex. my mom, dad, and 2 older brothers they are all adicted to speed and all the rest of that shit.. but really you cant do anything to help them you just have to try and help them to the right path they cant stop unless they really want to..
Shadow~

[MistressJennifer]

I have lost a buch of friends and family to drugs ex. my mom, dad, and 2 older brothers they are all adicted to speed and all the rest of that shit.. but really you cant do anything to help them you just have to try and help them to the right path they cant stop unless they really want to..
Shadow~

Your mom and dad... Wow... That's a tough one. It seems as if they don't even want to admit that they have a problem, and they get SO angry if you even MENTION that there is anything wrong with them. Drugs make people really self important sometimes, frighteningly so...

[Tequila Zaire]

I think people get to a point where they are losing control over thier drug use because they have other underlying problems. People get self destructive when they are unhappy. I think the most responsible way to treat drug abuse is to address the person's depression or problems that cause them to not care about hurting themselves.

That's about what I buy into. There are always reasons why a person is self destructive and some do respond well to being confronted about it. May take a few times before it sinks into their skulls that you want to help them or they need help but it's always worth a shot...what do you have to lose? They are heading down the road into death anyhow...might as well TRY to help them steer off it.

Unless they are like old Doc Thompson...then they will probably live well past all our combined lifetimes.

[Shadow]

Your mom and dad... Wow... That's a tough one. It seems as if they don't even want to admit that they have a problem, and they get SO angry if you even MENTION that there is anything wrong with them. Drugs make people really self important sometimes, frighteningly so...

yeah I have tried to talk to them about it I even offerd to help them get into a rehab center but they just get pissed and tell me that its not my problem and to leave them alone..
Shadow~

[Amelia G]

Thanks for all the input everyone. Much appreciated. I usually try to approach things from the perspective of the things being messed up, rather than the drugs causing them to be messed up. With the occasional exception of serious physical addiction, I think drugs tend to be more of a symptom than a cause. I'm just kind of at a loss on this one. It is not something where the person is likely to die, just likely to take a look at their life a few years from now and be so so so sad at what could have been. I care about the person, so I feel really bad for them, but also disappointed because I had thought they could handle it. I kind of think it is one of those situations where saying anything directly about the drugs would probably just make them indignant and mad at me . . . followed by an apology and a you-were-so-right in five years.

[aXa]

as a recovering addict myself, i think that getting profesional help was the best thing for me. i have a very good 'support team' that helped me look at my susbstance use. therapists etc. before we tried to fix my drug problem we first tackled my underlying illness(manic-depression). i did an outpatient program that worked pretty well. one of the problems that i encontered tho was that i was able to stop using for awhile, but then would use at the first opportunity i had. this occurs frequently when ppl who were 'locked away' in a program return to normal life. so, i spent a few months working on developing my self control when i was exposed to drugs. i went from using alot on a daily basis down to once a week and gradually reduced my intake. i found that my urges to use decreased as well. one of the main things that i had to do was to "unlearn" my habit. i would use without giving it much thought to asking myself "do i really want to do this?" everytime. it helped alot that my friends who also were using around me started asking me if it was ok to use around me. and not to offer me any. plus if i asked for it they would ask me if that was a good idea.
since i had a problem i often worry that my friends who are still using might have one themselves. i overanalyze thier habitual use. not just when its in excess. ive let them all know that they can talk to me about that kind of thing. they all helped me deal w my problem and id do the same for them. but i still worry about them. in my group of friends, im the only one that used and has quit: theyre still using. im waiting for the day when they decide to stop. ill be there for them then.

[TheDeathKnight]

It really depends if the person is the kind of person who is willing to talk about life, their choices, etc. Some people just cannot talk about anything, and cannot take any kind of discussion or criticism. It does not matter if it is drugs, cheating on a mate, stealing at work, etc. Some people can talk about it, and discuss what they are doing, and other people do not want to hear it. So that is the first question. If you are dealing with someone who is not cool with discussing their life, and cannot take criticism, then they will have to learn on their own. But if they are the kind of person who is willing to listen, they will at least hear what you have to say about it, and know you are willing to talk, and to help. If they choose not to take your advice, that is their choice. But if you can get them to thinking about the fact that what they are doing is not the best idea, then maybe they will realize it later, and ask you for help. Seriously, this same advice goes for many other things. I have friends who are just plain lazy, or make the same mistakes with relationships, over and over. I offer my suggestions a few times, and then I give up. I tell them what they should do. If they do not want to do it, then they will not make progress. I get to the point where I no longer feel sorry for them, and when they ask for advice, or want to complain, I simply tell them over and over, what it is they need to do, to fix their life. If your friend starts having bad things happen, because of their drug use, and they complain to you, you should just keep telling them that if they laid off the drugs for a while, they would probably find some of their problems going away. But I gave up trying to convince people, or save people, who do not want to be helped. Most people seem to just want sympathy. They do not want to do the hard work it takes to get past their problems. It does not matter if they are real-world problems, or psychological problems. People would rather just escape with drugs, or ask for sympathy, or complain, rather than to do the hard work to fix the problems. People are too lazy to go to rehab, go back to school, see a psychiatrist, etc... They would rather do the "poor me" thing... Fuck that. Get off your ass, and fix things... It may take 10 years, or 20. But the sooner you start, the sooner you will move ahead...

[Szandora]

I've tried to talk to my friends who have drug problems... and most of the time it doesn't work. I've just found that people quit when they want to quit... or when it kills them. I can't tell you how many of my close friends either killed themselves one way or another with drugs. It's really sad. =/

[One Eyed Cat]

Thanks for all the input everyone. Much appreciated. I usually try to approach things from the perspective of the things being messed up, rather than the drugs causing them to be messed up. With the occasional exception of serious physical addiction, I think drugs tend to be more of a symptom than a cause. I'm just kind of at a loss on this one. It is not something where the person is likely to die, just likely to take a look at their life a few years from now and be so so so sad at what could have been. I care about the person, so I feel really bad for them, but also disappointed because I had thought they could handle it. I kind of think it is one of those situations where saying anything directly about the drugs would probably just make them indignant and mad at me . . . followed by an apology and a you-were-so-right in five years.

I would disagree with you on one point. While drugs may not be the "root cause", it is the one factor that you have to stop to even deal with the underlying issues. Deal with the drug issue first.

OEC

[Amelia G]

Wow. Apparently if you post a question like this on a message board, anyone with a drug problem who reads it will be sure it is about them. Remind me not to get involved trying to help people with this sort of problem. Sheesh.

[One Eyed Cat]

Wow. Apparently if you post a question like this on a message board, anyone with a drug problem who reads it will be sure it is about them. Remind me not to get involved trying to help people with this sort of problem. Sheesh.

? Most of the people who answered were more in your situation. I wish I had better advice, but I am not sure there is any.

OEC

[Mirren]

When you are intervening on a persons drug use, you don't worry about offending them or hurting their feelings... this is their life. You say what you feel and what you see is happening and let it be known you are coming to them because you do care. You are seeing them fuck up their lives, they can't see it, they are too close to the situation. There is one thing about doing drugs once in a while but if they are spending money for bills, it's obviously hit the addiction point. All you can do is know you made a conscious effort to lend a helping hand. They will have to change friends and social scenes to get away from these drugs and it may take several attempts at stopping.

[missbunny]

It can be a sensitive issue. You're a good friend to worry - that's really really cool of you. I wish you luck.

Wow. Apparently if you post a question like this on a message board, anyone with a drug problem who reads it will be sure it is about them. Remind me not to get involved trying to help people with this sort of problem. Sheesh.