i need some help

[tatum radcliffe]

I fucking hate Black Heart's Day and my roommate, the former more so than the later.

It's snowing here, and the roomie and I have been trapped in the same room all say. Usually she and I get along, but she has a tendancy to be immature and demanding. Her asshole boyfriend is coming down tonight and she has delighted in pointing out that my boyfriend isn't here. She has also enjoyed pointing out that both my boyfriend and I are unstable at the moment. Which is why I need help.

Over the last few weeks, my loving, happy boy has taken this awful nose dive and is really depressed. Gotta love being bipolar. I'm dealing with that crap as well and am generally more unstable than he is. Thus far, he's been the one to be able to calm me down and has been the only one I've ever even considered bringing to meet my whole family.

We talked for a bit tonight, but it ended with me in tears throwing my cell phone across the room. I know that the situation has nothing really to do with me at the moment, but it still really hurts to see him this bad off. It's a bit of a long distance realtionship at the moment, which is somthing he's not used to. He's also a bit concerned by the fact that we don't see each more often/ that we did sort of rush into things.

I don't know what to do or say. I need help dealing with this shit. I'd post it on my ******* page, but I'm really not sure about the respomces some of my friends would post. I love them, but I'm sort of the mom of the group. Still trying ot figure that one out. Amadeus' best advice to me is to leave him, but to remain friends. I am not leaving my boyfriend over this. I want to be here for him and be supportive. I want to make coffee that he'll forget to drink. Hearing him this down is killing me. I don't know what to say or do.

any advice is welcome. thanks for listening to me rant.

[Janiac02]

Boy, I wish I could help you, but sadly enough I can't figure out my own similar predicament. My boyfriend is in a similar rut, except the problem isn't that I'm unstable myself, but I feel frustrated because I don't understand, and NOTHING I do helps. So I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sure that someone will come up with something to help you out. People here are generally decent at that

[tatum radcliffe]

Boy, I wish I could help you, but sadly enough I can't figure out my own similar predicament. My boyfriend is in a similar rut, except the problem isn't that I'm unstable myself, but I feel frustrated because I don't understand, and NOTHING I do helps. So I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sure that someone will come up with something to help you out. People here are generally decent at that

God I hope so. It's killing me to see him this bad and knowing that I'm falling apart because he is. He was complaining about the fact that we don't see each other that often and shortly thereafter, he says that he feels like we rushed into things. Mixed messages and double standards. I hate them both.

[Lady Alias]

Is he on a treatment at the moment? While it is generally a long-term illness, treatment can help stabilization significantly. And if something hasn't work, there are other methods. Different people react to things differently, I can certainly testify to that. A knee-jerk negative reaction to something like this is understandable, but you never know until you give it a shot, you know? In the mean time, all you can do is let him know that you are there for him. Even if he does not show any sign that he appreciates your part, it does help him. As far as your own problems, it's important you take care of yourself, too. If your not in great shape, you can't be much help to your boyfriend [if you do choose to remain in that relationship with him]. Of course, I don't know anything specific about this, and I'm simply speaking generally. All I can say is hang in there if that's what you really want.
[And sorry to hear about the shit of a roommate.]

[tatum radcliffe]

Is he on a treatment at the moment? While it is generally a long-term illness, treatment can help stabilization significantly. And if something hasn't work, there are other methods. Different people react to things differently, I can certainly testify to that. A knee-jerk negative reaction to something like this is understandable, but you never know until you give it a shot, you know? In the mean time, all you can do is let him know that you are there for him. Even if he does not show any sign that he appreciates your part, it does help him. As far as your own problems, it's important you take care of yourself, too. If your not in great shape, you can't be much help to your boyfriend [if you do choose to remain in that relationship with him]. Of course, I don't know anything specific about this, and I'm simply speaking generally. All I can say is hang in there if that's what you really want.
[And sorry to hear about the shit of a roommate.]

He just started therapy again on monday. After becoming nearly suicidal at the end of last semester, I put myself into therapy three times a week. But I get the feeling that the shrink is playing tic tac toe rather than listening. He was on medications for awhile, but stopped taking them because they made him a zombie. I am trying to be there for him. Mixed results. I know that the next few months are going to be murder on us both, but i have to believe that we'll get through them.

As to the roomie, she's usually okay, but she's young. I'm the old lady of our section, so I constantly feel like the big sis. I'm also a bit high strung. Fancy that, huh? lol.

i'm doing all I know how to do. and that means being stubborn and not leaving at the first sign of trouble. we'll see how this goes.

[Amelia G]

I'm not a big fan of medicating the brain. Hopefully you will get to enjoy the up phases and can just give him love and support during the down phases. He probably is not able to just snap out of it and that has to be frustrating and painful for you, but I think the best thing you can do is just give him warmth and understanding when he feels bad, but, for your own sanity, keep in mind that his mood could change without his situation changing. Good luck.

[tatum radcliffe]

Thanks Ms. Amelia. I'm not medicated either, though I know I should be. The up phase was really good. The situation is changing, yet the mood isn't which is the problem. He's gotten a ton of job offers and is now picking and choosing which ones he wants to keep. I'm hoping he gets through this phase quickly, but I've been warned that this could last for upwards of six months.

[Janiac02]

God I hope so. It's killing me to see him this bad and knowing that I'm falling apart because he is. He was complaining about the fact that we don't see each other that often and shortly thereafter, he says that he feels like we rushed into things. Mixed messages and double standards. I hate them both.

My boyfriend tries to run also when things get tough...actually, this is our 3rd time together, so as you can see there has been a rocky past. I'm starting to realize that sometimes he doesn't really want me to solve his problems, just wants someone to vent to (over and over...), but it's really horrible when they get like that, whether they are suicidal or not. Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say that this is a bit of deja vu for me, and it didn't get better the first two times we were together. I got dragged down with him, and we would just snap at each other. You probably have that to look forward to, but if you really care for him, more power to you if you want to stick it out. Now, after about a year break, he and I have changed/matured greatly, and it's like dating a different person. Thus far, my reaction to the ruts has been "suck it up"...that probably sounds really cruel, but I've sympathized way too long with self-destructive behavior, and allowed him to make excuses about everything, so he failed his first semester of college twice. He was just about headed down the tubes for round three, and I put my foot down mom style. Is that healthy? Debatable...but it's working. Also like to add that none of his medications really made him happier, or stopped the dramatic mood changes.
So that's the second rambling, non-helping paragraph I've posted... but hey, feel free to rant, I can sympathize, if not help.

[tatum radcliffe]

i completely understand that one. I was with some one on and off for three and a half years. he put me through similiar situations time and again. I worry that he might do the same, but they are totally different people. But similiar enough to stress me out.

[TheDeathKnight]

Yeah, some people just freak out over drama. Some people have had so much drama in their lives, that as soon as they see it coming, they back off, get depressed, and freak out a bit. I think the best thing you could say, if you want to make it work, is that you understand that relationships have ups and downs. And even though you are having problems, you want to work on them. A lot of time the destructive cycle happens when one person thinks things are going downhill, so they freak out, then it freaks the other person out, then one of them withdraws, then the other one thinks it might be better to end it, then the other one freaks out even more. It builds on itself. So the best thing to do, is just be calm, and be supportive. Even if both of you get angry or upset, you both need to have a commitment to getting through the problems. You need to both trust that by sticking it out, it will make for a stronger relationship in the long run...

[tatum radcliffe]

if we can get through the next few months, we can survive anything.