An ethical dilemma...

[Magdalene]

I work at a gas station. One of the girls I work with, who just turned assistant manager, has been cheating on her fiance for over a year now. I know it, and so does my other friend at work, who's a manager. Her fiance is a really nice guy who has NO CLUE she's doing this to him; it's depressing. And to add insult to injury, the guy she's cheating on him with hangs around at our work a lot and always comes to visit her.

And, to add even more insult to injury, this girl just became pregnant a few months ago. Now, her fiance works off-shore so he's gone for weeks at a time, and she has already said it's pretty much impossible it's his. At first, she and the other guy agreed to keep their mouths shut and just hope the kid looked like her fiance. Now, apparently, she's going to get an abortion. I feel this is the best choice, since I think it's extremely cruel to make a guy raise a kid when he doesn't even know it's not his to begin with.

It's gotten to the point of making me sick, though. I think it's extremely wrong to treat someone, anyone, that way, let alone the person you supposedly love and are going to marry. Her fiance's cousin is our main manager. For months now, I've been holding off on telling him, but I feel ethically bound to do so. My fiance brought up a good point today when we were discussing it, saying it's still extremely cruel to make a guy think he has a kid and then to lie and say she lost the baby, essentially meaning he lost his kid. (She's intending on saying she miscarried.)

I just don't know WTF to do. Part of me wants, feels a need almost, to tell my boss what's going on (since I don't know her fiance personally but I see his cousin every day). The other part, however, feels it's none of my business. But really, isn't it wrong not to say anything? I mean, not only has she been cheating on this guy and lying to him over and over again for a year, but now she's led him on to believe he's having a baby with her. She has never shown an ounce of guilt this entire time either.

And on the purely selfish side, I don't want to say anything YET because it may affect my job. My boss and I are on really great terms, but who would react NICELY to hearing something like this? The three of them all live together and are pretty close. However, I am moving and transferring to another job in a few months, so I figure if I do ever say anything, I'll tell him after I've already moved so I have job security.

The only reason I'm posting this here is that she knows me on LJ and ******* and she has no idea I even know she's cheating on him or that I plan on saying something about it. (Her friend, the other female manager, told me.) And yes, I realize my workplace sounds like a fucking soap opera. It kind of is, though.

[Black Spiral Dancer]

If it was me, I'd be letting slip little hints until her fiance's cousin came out and asked, then tell all that you know. It's obviously preying on your mind and you need to tell someone that knows the situation, or may be partially involved if it comes to light. Explain that you have been watching this happen and been torn between telling, as you know it will cause problems and you don't want to make trouble.

A similar thing happened to me a few years back. An ex-girlfriend that I shared a mutual friend with started seeing someone that was claiming he was allergic to condoms, and made her go on the Pill. (I had never forced her as I knew there was a family history of serious health problems from the Pill aka Cancer) Anyway, I found out from a previous "conquest" of his that he was not allergic, as he had pulled the same trick wil her and she had told him, "No condom, no sex". So he wore them with no ill-effects.
I told this to our mutual friend and he being the dutiful friend told her. She dumped him as soon as she confronted him about it. I later found out that the previous lad she had been going out with before him had been living with this new lad, one night he had walked her to the bus stop and told her if she was dumped by her present boyfriend, he would go out with her. He then went home and convinced her boyfriend to dump her, pathing the way for her.

And he blamed me for the break-up of the relationship. Being totally untrustworthy was the reason for the break-up.

[Mr Karl]

I just ignore people's soap opera's.........probably why I have so few friends.

[Magdalene]

Thanks for your input, Black Spiral Dancer. I'm still a bit worried as to how my boss is going to handle the news, but I'm definitely going to break it to him somehow.

I can't believe that friend of yours. Some people have no shame and will do anything, regardless of how their actions effect others around them.

P.S. Mr. Karl, I don't have many friends either. Probably because every time I meet people they end up being crummy like this girl and I end up having problems with how they act. Not to say I think I'm better than anyone else; I just have issues with how some people treat others.

[OrganizedKhaos]

I cant tell you what to do, but it doesnt sound like she's in any shape to be making a vowed commitment to him...period.
I think marriage is sacred. or rather can be, or SHOULD BE.

Why is she staying with someone she doesnt respect, or more questionably LOVE?
I think the guy has a right to know, but its not exactly your place to tell.

There's an old proverb that says if you meddle in someone elses quarrels, its like picking up a dog by the ears.
I can totally understand your dilemma.
Sounds like you have a strong nurturing/protective spirit.
No wonder its making you sick.
I'm sure if you put yourself in his shoes, you'd want to know... and knowing that makes the situation that much more difficult to compartmentalize.

[Bikerpunk]

Unfortunately, people have a way of making the bearer of bad news the lightning rod for the bad news itself, or a totally unrelated person.

I mean, look at Jerry Springer. Two women fighting tooth and nail over some loser. Half the time the two women don't even know they're shagging the same bloke.

[Morning Glory]

it's not like you are just doing it because you like gossip. people don't deserve to get treated like that, and it's your business because you have to live in a world with selfish assholes, so it's really up to you if you want to let them get away with it or not. not up to them to be a shit and not have to deal with the consequences. fuck em.