I was friends with this girl since grade 3, let's call her 'Anne'. We were sometimes close, sometimes not, but always hanging around the same group. Then high school hit. We were still friends of course, but I'm a largely solitary person by nature, so I spent a great deal of my time with reading and dying my hair different colours.
As we got older, there were a few instances where Anne would ignore me or others in our circle of friends for some real or imagined slight or seemingly without any reason at all (once, it was because she was hanging out with a 'cooler' girl); before out of the blue, pursuing our friendship again. I'd gotten used to it, and I was always sort of isolated so it never particularly bothered me.
A few years ago, after I had left school and she had gone to another, a life-long friend of mine who lived a ways away had broken up with her fiance and begged me to come stay with her, so I hopped on a bus and made the trip for a couple days. When I returned, I learned that a friend of Anne's had suddenly died due to an unknown heart defect. The funeral was being held the next day or so. The morning of, I called her find out where it was and to attend with her. She wasn't there and I never did find out where it was held.
Fast forward a couple weeks, I'd gotten over a bout of laryngitis and was going to see our mutual friend in a performance at school. I saw Anne there, and attempted to make conversation, in which she completely ignored me. Then, while taking a group photo, she moved to the other side of the group to avoid standing even two feet in front of me. I found out from a mutual friend that Anne's reason for this avoidance was that she felt I hadn't been a good enough friend to her when her friend died. It's been 3 years since we've talked, and Anne only talks to two people of our group now, she has herself a new circle of friends. I see her on the odd occasion, but it's like I don't exist.
It gets to me, more than I'd care to admit sometimes, even though I'm told I'm better off not bothering with her. The accusation of being a bad friend has stuck with me, and I've tried to be a better one because of it, which is always a worthwhile endeavor. And even if its a valid accusation or not, I guess what they say is true: "Needing a friend is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again."
And I guess that's that.
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