Getting Back Together

[Scar]

So there are all these mixed opinions about whether couples should get back together after a breakup. I am sure all of us have done it (I think I have done it about 20 times). I have mixed feelings on the topic myself.

I have only once gotten back together with someone and had it be successful. Well, not successful in the permanent sense but it lasted for a while afterwards and their was no resentment harbored about the temporary separation.

Then there are all the other times, which have all been unsuccessful. Both parties remain bitter about all the mean things that were said, and are always on guard, and always awaiting the next breakup. Or they are hung uo on the fact that "while we were broken up you fucked WHO?!?!?!" or some such bullshit.

Many people would say that once it is over it is OVER. But what if a great length of time passes and you still have strong feelings for the person? Do you guys think it is OK to try again?

I think it depends on the reason for the breakup. If the relationship was mostly good but there was a big fight over nothing and that resulted in the breakup, then it is likely that getting back together might work, because the couple got along 99% of the time. But if they were onee of those couples who bickered and bickered and fought all the time and the breakup happpened beccause one or both were tired of it, then chances are they won't get along the second time either, even if they make a pact to "try harder".

OK tell me what you think :-)

[MistressJennifer]

It sounds as if you are thinking about it, and want to.. I say go for it!!!

[P I L O T]

I think creating a theory on 2nd chance relationships is far from simple. All relationships have their variables and lack there-of from situation to situation.

I've never really had a strong long lasting relationship with anyone therefore I my opinions on these matters mean rat poop in pee.

[killerkat]

my ex feincee and i are possibly getting back otgether,bu we had a very odd "breakup" their was no ill-will between us,so this is just like comming home after a few years away ...if ya get me?

but still not sure yet.


i think it can happen,people grow older,wiser,etc,etc.....

[killerkat]

ohh,and in our case..

we both have been Comparing all the people we have been with since to each other..haha...just found that out....

so yea if that love sets deep down in their,it can most certainly stay for a while,haha.I mean,we went nearly 2 years without evevn knowing each others where-abouts.....so that a pretty big jump....


but we seemed to "made for each other and when we were together ,it was that amazing...

Buuut,still don't know if it's gonna happen for sure,communication,etc is unbeilivably hard to aquire.

[TheDeathKnight]

Yeah... It could work, but usually it doesn't, for the exact reasons you mentioned.

You want to be sure you will not have the same problems that caused the breakup in the first place... If it's a case of "I'll try harder this time..." It probably won't work.

Sometimes people break up, just because they aren't ready to settle down.

But you usually have a lot of problems with the old feelings of anger,
bad things that were said, and the history of what came after...
All these points you mentioned already. So if you think those
things will not be a problem, then go for it. But it usually does
not work.

[keiko]

I say try just hanging out together as friends for a few weeks to see how well you guys get along be fore jumping back into a relationship. If you do try to pick up right where you left off the realtionship is doomed from the beginning. Instead of trying to have the old relationship back work on the next one. It might be the same people but in the time you've been apart you've both grown and changed and therefore qualify as slightly different people, hence why trying the exact same relationship would feel like trying to put on your clothes from elementary school. Yeah it's yours but it's not comfortable and doesn't fit because you've changed since you wore it last. So go slow and see what happens. No need to rush.
K

[Scar]

It sounds as if you are thinking about it, and want to.. I say go for it!!!

Thanks girlie!!
I actually already did kinda :-) Don't want to put up too much personal on the message baord, I was just interested in what the general concensus about this kind of thing is. But thanks for your encouragement!!

[Scar]

ohh,and in our case..

we both have been Comparing all the people we have been with since to each other..haha...just found that out....

so yea if that love sets deep down in their,it can most certainly stay for a while,haha.I mean,we went nearly 2 years without evevn knowing each others where-abouts.....so that a pretty big jump....


but we seemed to "made for each other and when we were together ,it was that amazing...

Buuut,still don't know if it's gonna happen for sure,communication,etc is unbeilivably hard to aquire.

I am in kind of the same boat as you, 2 years apart, but like we never skipped a day. But in the nice way. And we never really had problems, just one big stupid fight. What happened with you guys??

[Morning Glory]

people can change, but they rarely do. everyone deserves a second chance. after that, then things probibly aren't going to change. maybe in extreme circumsatnces where a person took massive steps to fix thier problems and demonstrated that they want to be with you, then you might consider trying again one more additional time, but after that if it aint right, it never will be.

[Bondage Clown]

I just beleive there a is a cosmic flow of relationships, don't give in too much or you become a carpet, but if you just maintain a constent flow in the universe... those that were made to be together will be, those that breed will, those that don't won't or can't... will not..

it is all perception, and to many take relationships way too seriously, and forget how to have fun with them

[Sex_Kitten]

shit happens like this to me all the time. One time, I remembered that it worked, but then we had some major ass problems....me, being bi and asian, I had some advantages. So I mostly just stuck to the woman part of the relationship. Mostly relationships with a woman a guy, tend to be far worse on the bickering thing. My relationships tended to be like that with a guy, but when I was with a woman, it hardly ever happened like that. I'm not sure about anybody else, but that's how it worked for me.

[Evilbink]

So go slow and see what happens. No need to rush.
K

Agreed, and good luck

[Tequila Zaire]

Well I'm in that boat currently with a woman I was with for 5 years....that's a bloody long time. We'd plan to marry and all that jazz but as life likes to do it handed us very diffrent paths to follow...yet we're still close and when we talk you can hear that little pining in the background for one another...

But the worst thing you can do is get back together without a clear reason or focus. You can't keep having the same emotional rollercoaster and commitment with a person again and again without having a definite end game. If you keep going in circles then you're just wasting one anothers time or worse together so neither of you is alone.

Plus you miss out on meeting other people. If you're gonna get back together with people you were with pefore the question WHY should be in big bold letters and you gotta ask what you as an individual want out of it.

Sometimes we need to end relationships to grow and begin better ones...it's like wearing the same socks day after day....eventually they will get holes in them and fall apart if all you do is USE them and not take care of them or if needed replace them. Ok bad analogy but I have an epic size load of laundry to do.

But hey...sometimes 3rd times a charm!

Love...it's a fucking gamble. Simple as that.

[sheramil]

I just beleive there a is a cosmic flow of relationships...

pffff

snccchk

cough

brrhmm

i'm sorry, BWAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! thank you, we'll let you know when the shuttle lands.

[inox]

As far as second chances and all that, I think that the only time it'll ever work out differently in the long run is if the problems were only related to circumstances, and those circumstances have changed.

[Scar]

Haha I like the dirty socks analogy. :-) I guess it is true, but it is all circumstantial. You guys have brought up a lot of interesting questions I should sit down and think about. Thanks!!

[Morning Glory]

the meaning of life:
if your pet rock pees on the carpet, throw it out the window

[Camby Savelle]

if inside, your will tells you to get back together, then it's worth it. if the other person begs/talks you into it, it's probably not worth it.

[HeadlessBill]

I think it's completely dependant upon the relationship between the two people that broke up, how understanding are they of one another. One person I broke up with twice has now been my wife for over 10 years. Oddly enough, one of the women I dated after one of the break-ups was my best "man" at my wedding. (What do you call a female best man anyway?) With both of those people, breaking up with them actually made our relationships stronger. Curiouser and curiouser.

Maybe they was just freak incidents.

[Scar]

I am still best friends with the guy I lost my virginity to. I am sure we would make a horrible couple now, though, But I cherish his friendship, and now that we don't have the element of romance in our relationship we are able to be totally honest with each other. We never worry about stepping on each others toes like we had to before. I am actually lucky to be friends with all my ex's :-)

[Tequila Zaire]

Friends with Ex's can indeed have that benefit of absolute honesty...they can be the closest friends you have and while a times it may take time to achieve that it's worth it if both put the time and effort into it.

It's always great to have people who will not BS you.

[Baby_Switchblade]

I agree that it depends on the reason for the break up in the first place, and depending on the person there are always other factors brought into it.
Best of luck with it, Scar. xx

[MistressJennifer]

Thanks ****ie!!
I actually already did kinda :-) Don't want to put up too much personal on the message baord, I was just interested in what the general concensus about this kind of thing is. But thanks for your encouragement!!

Well I think that's good! I am going to quote Frank Sinatra on this:
"When you find love, hang on to each caress, and never let love go. For when it's gone, you'll know the lonliness, the heartache, only the lonely know"....

I know pretty sentimental, but why not? If you still care about eachother after such a long time, there is something there. The fighting just means that there is a lot of passion and feeling.

I

[Scar]

I think I hate men.

[Toe Cutter]

Things fucked up then, I'm assuming.

I hate people in general, if that helps at all.

[Buster Friendly]

I think I hate men.

WHAT!!???

what did that jerk do?

just tell us where he is, and I gaurantee you that about 50 of us will show up, and make him pay for turning you against us!!!

so unfair, so unfair!!

[Tequila Zaire]

I think I hate men.

Hate us all you want darlin, we still luv ya.

[Baby_Switchblade]

what happened??

[MistressJennifer]

I think I hate men.

OK what happened?

[Scar]

OK I guess I owe an explanation. Basically we have been talking about getting back together for a while, we finally decided to. Saw each other once, when on a greeat date, then made plans for the following weekend. THEN he blew me off all weekend. Because he was having second thoughts, being insecure, thought we were rushing things, blah blah blah. But he did it in a really tactless way. If he had asked for some time to "adjust" or whatever I would have been more than willing, but instead he just didn't even bother to call me back the first night and then the second night cancelled at literally the last minute and then tried to get me to ditch out on all my friends to go and hang out with him at his depressed friends house. BLAH!!!!!! I am so damned confused now!!! My friends who don't know him are like "hey stupid get over him". He made himself look really bad in front of them, they think he is a jerk. I kinda think he is too. If someone loves you but not enough to treat you well then it is kind of pointless.

[MistressJennifer]

Oh god, that's horrible... I'm sorry... Well, it's not like this kind of stuff doesn't happen to me all the time... But it still makes you feel bad.

I just try not to take boys too seriously... Kind of be like a playboy, just date them, and try not to let them hurt your feelings too much. But that is kind of impossible.

[Tequila Zaire]

....He made himself look really bad in front of them, they think he is a jerk. I kinda think he is too. If someone loves you but not enough to treat you well then it is kind of pointless.

Well I say I gotta agree. I can understand the whole "needint time to adjust" thing in terms of making sure one wants to really get back into a relationship. However the way he went about it is a bit flawed to say the least. It does seem like the issues he has are stronger than the emotions he has...in that case it's CLEAR this is not a good idea for either of you.

Love is grand and good...but if the respect and care is not there then you don't have much to work on or from.

It's easy to see this from the outside of such a realtionship though and I wouldn't use friends (or in my case stranger) advice to come to a conclusion on all this TOO much...it may give you some insight into other areas of it but ultimately your emotions and views should dictate your actions...we've all been with people only we seem to understand after all.

But if the hassle is not worth the reward then by all means...move on.

[P I L O T]

scar i don't know what my opinion means to you,.. but i agree with what mistress jennifer is saying,.. you are taking the guy too seriously especially if he is being such a "jerk"(quote on quote). Personally i would have just called him a stupid fucking dick that was probably looking to get some i miss that sweet scar13 behind.

your way young sweetie just chillax your nerve, need sex i think you have like 40 billion plastic and glass substitutes.

i think you get where i am going regardless, don't let one man make you break your head open,.. what are married to him???!!! i don't see a ring on your finger!! so relax and shit, blah blah

[TheDeathKnight]

I understand that people have issues with things sometimes, and it can be hard
for them to do what they need to do. But if you need respect, and need to be
treated a certain way, then tell him you won't accept anything less. I think it's
really bad when you let someone walk on you, or treat you like crap. Even if
they have a good excuse.

I'd tell him to call you when he is ready to do it right.
But to fuck off and go away until he's ready.

[P I L O T]

**appluades casanova** realistically modern society makes it near impossible to know who you are sure on and who your not. cause as soon as you think you've made up your mind blam he'll see her and be like dang i miss her now.

unless he told you he was in love with you and only wanted to be with you but you never wanted to get to deep into detail,.. in which case if he were in love with you it would be completely different altogether. and about two to three paragreaohs about three to four or five sentences long that I'm not in the mood to write(right now).

[MistressJennifer]

You are gorgeous and he is intimidated by your beauty and your beauty is POWER... Some men just hate that power. They have to get power in other ways, in any way they can, it's a big mess!!! So by rejecting you, he has power over you.

This happens to pretty girls all the time. A lot of men just like little mousy girls that can never get anyone else and just clean and cook... Because then the man is the focal point, the "star". YOU are the star, not him...

He is kind of jealous. He is jealous of your beauty. He is jealous because you can walk into a room and basicallyl get any guy you want. He doesn't have that power and he never will. But it's tough I know. Sometimes you just wish that it could be simple. But it isn't.

I go through this stuff ALL the time with boys..

[js00000]

He is kind of jealous. He is jealous of your beauty. He is jealous because you can walk into a room and basicallyl get any guy you want. He doesn't have that power and he never will. But it's tough I know. Sometimes you just wish that it could be simple. But it isn't.

I go through this stuff ALL the time with boys..

The beauty is not the ultimate power.

Knowledge are the real power!

[Toe Cutter]

I thought only ninjas had
Real_ultimate_power_?

[js00000]

Lol you ninja website is very ''hot''