Problems with problrmatic behaviour.

[OliX]

Oh god, why do I always fall for a problematic dangerous girls. Why can't I just satisfy my self by a nice and normal girl? Sometimes I just hate my messianic complex. Is it the chalenge that drives me or just the need to help someone.

In most of the cases I end up heart broken, cheated or disappointed just to leave her in better state than she ever was. Knowing that she either improved her state off mind or stoped abuse of drugs or other self destructive matter helps a bit. Keeps me sane thinking that I did something good. But where am I in the story? I always end up leached of my life will and energy.I hate this!

I hate when I know what the problem is but I can't change it. Frustration.

Do you like problematic girls/guys? And more importantly, how do you deal with urge to help them and to fall in love in the process?

[VoltaireBlue]

no, I'm not a fixer.
don't take this thw wrong way, but you sound a little codependent.

[Wickedanima]

I've always just been auto-attracted to people with issues. Its like my glasses are made of looking glass, and the shiniest star in the room is the one with Borderline Personality, Narcissistic tendencies, Sociopathic needs, or will just flat out have a 180 and decide after I'm moved in that I'm far too overweight or stupid for him.

I personally think that my problem has often been in my relationship with that which spawned me, and am a firm believer in the patterns that laid out for future relationships. I'm not sure its so much the process of 'helping' someone that is troubled, and falling for them along the way.

However Olix, chin up. You may eventually run across that one girl who's dangerous, unstable, and will bite everyone but you because you where the first one that was kind to her. Who knows, right?

[OliX]

no, I'm not a fixer.
don't take this thw wrong way, but you sound a little codependent.

"no, I'm not a fixer."
What?! There's some confusion going on here. Seriously.

About codependent, I looked it up since I never met that word before and I must say you're right in a some way. I depend on that good feeling when you help others in need. Again, look up messianic complex or popularly called Jesus complex.

But, none of those symptoms named doesn't apply to me except of caretaking, not excessive anyway.

"Symptoms of co dependence are controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, problems with intimacy, excessive caretaker, hyper vigilance or physical illness related to stress.

Wickedanima, I know exactly how you feel. I always go for the most troubled ones too It feels like I'm looking for some challenge or something. I can't really explain it, I'm not a shrink. No matter if the next girl is way nicer and better it's just too much "regular" or "normal" to the point when it's boring to continue chating at all.I might be mazochistic and not even knowing it.

Spank my brainz

[Buster Friendly]

I used to go for these types all the time.

I really only have two strategies to deal with them, one works all the time and is no fun, the other is fun... like playing with home made napalm.

The one that works 100% of the time is to RUN LIKE HELL! The last time I was around a confirmed psychotwinky, who I felt myself being drawn towards like a black hole, caught in the gravitation pull of the drama, I just cut the fuck out. Dropped her, dropped her friends, went underground incognito, gonzo, gone, outta there. I was alone, and lonely, but I wasn't vulnerable to the psychodrama. I was immune because I was quarantined. That was it. No more.

The other way is alot more risky, because you don't know when it's going to blow up in your face.

Basically you out psycho the poor little wretch. Have a blast, act like a total douche, and everytime she pulls her mindcontrol jedi mind tricks ray out of her cute little purse, you just laugh in her face. Eventually she'll either have a total freakout, or get tired of you for not giving her the attention she craves. She'll probably drop you fast, but fucking whatever. I highly recommend dancing like Micheal Jackson in the thriller video for no discerable reason, that'll rewire her neurons.

Or you could just be miserable.

[OliX]

Wow, thanx bro. Good strategy with a Michael Jackson dance. Will definitely try that one out

Anyway I forgot to mention that there wasn't so much nutjobs in my cases. I got burned early and I learned my lesson.

It's more cases of the addiction problem (I rave), self destructive or abused (seems like both are very closely connected) nature. Just plain evil or crazy doesn't float my boat. Spoiled ones and pretenders are my biggest turn off, so don't count them in either.

[Buster Friendly]

Oh, they could start off normal seeming Olix... but eventually...

I have very little sympathy for the problems of others. My own problems barely interest me.

[OliX]

I can fairly good see the warning sings in time

[VoltaireBlue]

"no, I'm not a fixer."
What?! There's some confusion going on here. Seriously.

About codependent, I looked it up since I never met that word before and I must say you're right in a some way. I depend on that good feeling when you help others in need. Again, look up messianic complex or popularly called Jesus complex.

But, none of those symptoms named doesn't apply to me except of caretaking, not excessive anyway.

"Symptoms of co dependence are controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, problems with intimacy, excessive caretaker, hyper vigilance or physical illness related to stress.

there's a few different kinds of codependents. some are enablers, some are fixers. a fixer is someone who thinks they can fix other people and usually date "projects". that's what I meant by a fixer.

[Cafe_Post_Mortem]

Shes pretty and I like her but shes too well
Cuz I need red flags and long nights and she can tell

Me, I get that way with my friends and it has lead to me being taken advantage of at times, but I am usually not attracted to people when I am helping them. Or, to be more specific when I am helping them to the level you are talking about I am not attracted to them.

My drama threshold is very limited and when people get dependent or needy it is really unattractive to me. I am attracted to people who fight when they are down. Not that the simple act of asking for help is a turn off, it is a matter of degrees.

But I do think Voltaire hit it with the codependency. It is not that you fit every symptom, but the behavior you exhibit is being taken to an unhealthy level if you are constantly being hurt by it. Helping is good, but always question your motives. It will save you a lot of heartache.

Feel free not to answer this question for us, but answer it for yourself and try to look back from a clinical, non emotional point of view. When you were growing up, was someone you really cared about an addict of some sort?

[soma_stardust]

i usually am the problem. but yes, i can attract people with issues... and i have this thing where i want to help the people i care about. i don't seek them out... but i think damaged people are attracted to each other. ;P

[OliX]

When you were growing up, was someone you really cared about an addict of some sort?

Now it hit me. My dad died when I was young, and only near "man" role I could look upon was my uncle. He was a heroin addict. Not to go too deep into this. I'm finally getting the objective image.

And WOW, reading Wiki about codependents makes it feel like a major disorder or something. Makes me not wanna tell anyone this story again in order to avoid any prejudice by others. lol I'm kidding, I'm not ashamed of anything.

Good thing is that I realized this now. Time to change it by any means. No more falling for dangerous girls.

Thanks for clearing my eyes. This has been helpful. But I still don't want this to look like a self centered thread so I would like to encourage anyone else to share their experiences.

[OliX]

i usually am the problem. but yes, i can attract people with issues... and i have this thing where i want to help the people i care about. i don't seek them out... but i think damaged people are attracted to each other. ;P

I can't say I'm damaged but I am a complicated person. Life didn't treat me like a prince definitely.

But there's some truth to that too.

Fact is that most successful relationships are the ones where you hook up with someone totally opposite of you or those you used to date.

[Rockwulf]

Oh god, why do I always fall for a problematic dangerous girls. Why can't I just satisfy my self by a nice and normal girl? Sometimes I just hate my messianic complex. Is it the chalenge that drives me or just the need to help someone.

In most of the cases I end up heart broken, cheated or disappointed just to leave her in better state than she ever was. Knowing that she either improved her state off mind or stoped abuse of drugs or other self destructive matter helps a bit. Keeps me sane thinking that I did something good. But where am I in the story? I always end up leached of my life will and energy.I hate this!

I hate when I know what the problem is but I can't change it. Frustration.

Do you like problematic girls/guys? And more importantly, how do you deal with urge to help them and to fall in love in the process?

All women are poison. Just avoid them whenever possible

[OliX]

That's a well deserved dollar.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

I think alot of people that date people with problems, do it because that way they can avoid their own problems. Use all your time to help somebody else and you have no time to face your own shit. Avoidance.....It's what makes for a good recession.

Oh and btw, life didn't exactly treat you like a prince but at least you got to hang with one. How many of us fucked-up people can say that?

[LeilaHazlett]

I love to help people but no longer date people with tons of issues. I just don't think it's healthy to be with someone so screwed up that you don't really love them for who they are but who you think they could be.

[Wickedanima]

Wickedanima, I know exactly how you feel. I always go for the most troubled ones too It feels like I'm looking for some challenge or something. I can't really explain it, I'm not a shrink. No matter if the next girl is way nicer and better it's just too much "regular" or "normal" to the point when it's boring to continue chating at all.I might be mazochistic and not even knowing it.

Spank my brainz

You might be! And...brb, getting brain-saw.

[Mr Karl]

having a messianic complex doesn't mean you have to be nice you know...........

[OliX]

having a messianic complex doesn't mean you have to be nice you know...........

Well... what do you mean? "I'll help you reach heaven faster than you thought you will" sort?

[Mr Karl]

give me an example of a messiah that wasn't up to no good

[OliX]

What do you mean? Their actions or? Buddha?

[Mr Karl]

buddha wasn't a messiah...................he was just someone who was really good at doing nothing

[Buster Friendly]

buddha wasn't a messiah...................he was just someone who was really good at doing nothing

[nathanmbailey]

I tend to attract psychos, but then again, I hang out places where everyone there has issues. I don't think I go anywhere with normal not crazy people around.

[Raza]

I'm immune by virtue of callousness, mostly. I find too much fault in the 'normal' peson's mind to be quick to condemn and ditch anyone for being nuttier than anyone else, but I'm not even capable of sympathising with suffering enough to have my mental/emotional 'energy' 'leached' by someone else's self-destructive antics. If someone has enough likable traits for me to stick with them, the drama just kind of washes off me; instead of getting dragged in I usually take the position of an objective advisor, telling people exactly what they need to know but are currently in no position to grasp.

Unfortunately (but understandably) this isn't generally perceived as being very helpful or comforting, but imperviousness allows me to stick around in the lives of people that might rapidly fall out with more passionately involved confidants.

[Velvet-Tongue]

Having the person be a bit fucked up is fun and makes the relationship interesting for the first month or so. Then you're just wishing for someone normal. Then you get bored again.

Repeat till you die

[Bikerpunk]

My problem is the inverse, the girls attracted to ME are fucking nuts.

[Raza]

Well, yeah.

[Rockwulf]

Well, yeah.

They'd have to be.

[Bikerpunk]

True enough. Yuk it up, but it's actually true.
It's why I don't date. Done with the whole beshitted mess.

[Bacchus88]

Oh god, why do I always fall for a problematic dangerous girls. Why can't I just satisfy my self by a nice and normal girl? Sometimes I just hate my messianic complex. Is it the chalenge that drives me or just the need to help someone.

In most of the cases I end up heart broken, cheated or disappointed just to leave her in better state than she ever was. Knowing that she either improved her state off mind or stoped abuse of drugs or other self destructive matter helps a bit. Keeps me sane thinking that I did something good. But where am I in the story? I always end up leached of my life will and energy.I hate this!

I hate when I know what the problem is but I can't change it. Frustration.

Do you like problematic girls/guys? And more importantly, how do you deal with urge to help them and to fall in love in the process?

olix me and you both
I do not even make that far, 1 date then I become the shrink... I get all there deep screw up problems that i didnt even want to know about for sometime.
Not saying this as a good thing Olix, but at least you make it to heart break stage.

When you hit become the shrink, pfffft.. might well find a spa

[Mr Karl]

how about insted of being a shrink, just be a manipulative bastard..........a nice one though

[Mr Karl]

wow, your just in a mood tonight arn't you.................................you might be right though...............

[soma_stardust]

buddha wasn't a messiah...................he was just someone who was really good at doing nothing

nice!
ahahahaha.

[OliX]

how about insted of being a shrink, just be a manipulative bastard..........a nice one though

Nice thought. True, I could be as manipulative as I want and never get caught BUT I couldn't live with it. Damn my conscience.

[Bacchus88]

Karl and Olix it is very nice thought, I could possible agree with Karl only if that person has wrong me in some major way. I have no threshold on that matter.

Olix not really damn your conscience, but you might just be above those petty thoughts. Not really those petty thought make life interesting do they not? No, maybe more of code you follow...

[OliX]

Karl and Olix it is very nice thought, I could possible agree with Karl only if that person has wrong me in some major way. I have no threshold on that matter.

Olix not really damn your conscience, but you might just be above those petty thoughts. Not really those petty thought make life interesting do they not? No, maybe more of code you follow...

Yeah, I'm straight and I'm raised by my mother.

[Ajax Knucklebones]

Yeah, I'm straight and I'm raised by my mother.

Closet queen.

[Mr Karl]

I could be as manipulative as I want and never get caught BUT I couldn't live with it .

It's got nothing to do with getting caught...........if you do it properly you'll get thanked for it...............practice practice practice.............