Craziest Spam ever

[Amelia G]

So I keep getting this spam with the header "Cheating Housewife Services" and it makes me picture a sort of Soldier of Fortune website where you can hire someone to kill your faithless spouse. I've never opened one, so maybe that really is what it is.

Today, however, I received one with the header "OMG!! Dogs can talk???!" WTF? Here is the description of Bow Lingual:

The smash hit from Japan is finally here in America! Time magazine called the Bow-Lingual one of the best inventions of 2002 for its surprising accuracy in telling you exactly what your dog is thinking.

Every pet owner has been frustrated by a time when they just could not make out what their dog was trying to tell them. Did your dog want a walk, was he thirsty, did his tummy hurt? Unfortunately, you can't go to a school to learn the language of dog barks, but now you can understand what your dog is trying to tell you with the Bow-Lingual dog translator! With more effective communication you and your dog can be happier, better best friends.

The Bow-Lingual is based on advanced scientific studies, but it is simple to use. Your dog wears a collar that contains a wireless microphone that transmits sounds to a hand-held computer. The Animal Emotion Analysis System in the computer analyzes the bark and determines the most accurate translation. Your hand-held displays the translation and you see what your dog just said — it's just that simple!

You will be able to teach, train, and care for your dog better with Bow-Lingual. A special Home Alone mode will monitor your dog's barks for 12 hours while you are away. Plus, the Bow-Lingual features information to help you check your dog's health, evaluate its body language, and train your dog for better behavior. Works with all breeds of dogs. Buy a Bow-Lingual in each color and you can see what two dogs are thinking!

Features toll-free phone support for any questions you may have, and a comprehensive one year manufacturer's warranty. Collar uses 1 AAA battery, hand-held uses 4 AAA batteries (all included).

Just had to share.

[TheWalkingGlitch]

And if you order in the next ten minutes, for $5 you can get your very own Cow Decoder Ring, absolutely free! That's right, folks! Now you can talk about quantum physics with your pet cow!

Here are just a few common words and phrases translated from Cow to English!
Moo: Red
Moo: Blue
Moo: I'm hungry
Moo: Pie
M00ooOOo000o0o0oOOOoo0oO000: Insane asylum
Moo: Toast
Moo: House
Moo: To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep, No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep! Perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay, The insolence of office, and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? who would these fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought; And enterprises of great pith and moment, With this regard, their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action.
Moo: I'm still hungry.
Moo moo moo, moo-moo, moomoomoo moo moo moooooooooo moo-moo-moo MOO moo moo moomoo: Grass
Moo?: Is it lunchtime?

But that's not all! Act now and as an added bonus, you'll also recieve my friend's brother Steve! That's no value, and only for an extra $20!

Void where prohibited, some restrictions apply, not valid in the state of Utah, no purchase necessary, must be legal drinking age, some assembly required, applicants must answer a mathimatical skill testing question to be elligible, product may not appear exactly as shown, do not take while nursing or pregnant, side effects may include vomiting and hair loss, batteries not included.

[One Eyed Cat]

So I keep getting this spam with the header "Cheating Housewife Services" and it makes me picture a sort of Soldier of Fortune website where you can hire someone to kill your faithless spouse. I've never opened one, so maybe that really is what it is.

Today, however, I received one with the header "OMG!! Dogs can talk???!" WTF? Here is the description of Bow Lingual:

The smash hit from Japan is finally here in America! Time magazine called the Bow-Lingual one of the best inventions of 2002 for its surprising accuracy in telling you exactly what your dog is thinking.

Every pet owner has been frustrated by a time when they just could not make out what their dog was trying to tell them. Did your dog want a walk, was he thirsty, did his tummy hurt? Unfortunately, you can't go to a school to learn the language of dog barks, but now you can understand what your dog is trying to tell you with the Bow-Lingual dog translator! With more effective communication you and your dog can be happier, better best friends.

The Bow-Lingual is based on advanced scientific studies, but it is simple to use. Your dog wears a collar that contains a wireless microphone that transmits sounds to a hand-held computer. The Animal Emotion Analysis System in the computer analyzes the bark and determines the most accurate translation. Your hand-held displays the translation and you see what your dog just said — it's just that simple!

You will be able to teach, train, and care for your dog better with Bow-Lingual. A special Home Alone mode will monitor your dog's barks for 12 hours while you are away. Plus, the Bow-Lingual features information to help you check your dog's health, evaluate its body language, and train your dog for better behavior. Works with all breeds of dogs. Buy a Bow-Lingual in each color and you can see what two dogs are thinking!

Features toll-free phone support for any questions you may have, and a comprehensive one year manufacturer's warranty. Collar uses 1 AAA battery, hand-held uses 4 AAA batteries (all included).

Just had to share.

Another idea for a site: Combine the dark archetypes with survival skills and training. My cat understands Ukrainian


OEC

[sheramil]

The smash hit from Japan is finally here in America! Time magazine called the Bow-Lingual one of the best inventions of 2002 for its surprising accuracy in telling you exactly what your dog is thinking.

i'm hanging out for the english version; afaik, it only does japanese.

Velvet Rose1: Rowr! wouw wouw wouw! Rouwf!

Bow-Lingual: urusai yo! shitsukoi naa!

Me: ... uh, wft?

1 not my dog.

[suicidal_tendencies]

And if you order in the next ten minutes, for $5 you can get your very own Cow Decoder Ring, absolutely free! That's right, folks! Now you can talk about quantum physics with your pet cow!

Here are just a few common words and phrases translated from Cow to English!
Moo: Red
Moo: Blue
Moo: I'm hungry
Moo: Pie
M00ooOOo000o0o0oOOOoo0oO000: Insane asylum
Moo: Toast
Moo: House
Moo: To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep, No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep! Perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay, The insolence of office, and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? who would these fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought; And enterprises of great pith and moment, With this regard, their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action.
Moo: I'm still hungry.
Moo moo moo, moo-moo, moomoomoo moo moo moooooooooo moo-moo-moo MOO moo moo moomoo: Grass
Moo?: Is it lunchtime?

But that's not all! Act now and as an added bonus, you'll also recieve my friend's brother Steve! That's no value, and only for an extra $20!

Void where prohibited, some restrictions apply, not valid in the state of Utah, no purchase necessary, must be legal drinking age, some assembly required, applicants must answer a mathimatical skill testing question to be elligible, product may not appear exactly as shown, do not take while nursing or pregnant, side effects may include vomiting and hair loss, batteries not included.

[HelenaHotpants]

At long last!

I can translate that Christmas album I got with the dog's barking on it.

It might sound like jingle bells but I think its telling me to kill my neighbors.

[sheramil]

Velvet Rose: Rowr! wouw wouw wouw! Rouwf!

Bow-Lingual: urusai yo! shitsukoi naa!

Me: ... uh, wft?

Shirow Masamune: She say "Shut up! Stop it, that's irritating!"

Me: oh.

[Nightingale]

I'm more interested in learning the philosophical musings of my cat.

[bre.star]

hehe i saw that in the Sky___(something i dont remember)__ catalog last year while i was on a plane to kentucky. i was cracking up! if i had a dog i would so buy that just for the hell of it!