Shame

[CorporateGoth]

What is the worst thing you have ever done? The one thing that sticks in the back of your mind that no matter how hard you try you cant get rid of. I dont mean something that everyone else thinks is bad, but something YOU think really goes against your morals.
Since I stared this thread, I guess I should volunteer : I became a car salesman. If anyone out there sells cars, I mean no disrespect but I have always been an extremely honest person. And believe me, there is no honesty in that business. Everyone involved lies : Your boss lies to you, your customers lie to you, and you lie in return. Knowingly taking advantage of people is something I have a hard time forgiving myself for. I am soooo glad I got out of that business.

[ForrestBlack]

Honestly, all of the primary instances of that sort of shameful regret that stick out for me involve me giving people the benefit of the doubt when their track record didn't support that trust. Giving people a lot more opportunities to screw things up or take advantage of the latitude they are given. I honestly feel shame for some of the times I should have known better.

[morbid_lady]

there was a guy who i have known all my life, hes a real dick head.

a bunch of shit happened at a party and he ended up knocking my brother into a pile of beer bottles, which left my brother cut up and bleeding pretty bad.

the guy got his ass kicked after my brother left by a bunch of hicks who went to the party only to beat the shit out of him. the guy started sayin that my brother had gotten the guys to do it.

everyone was against my bro, on his msn group my brother tried to right things, by saying what was true. no one believed him and started sayin shit against him. i got defensive so i put up a post sayin the guy was an ass and deserved to get his ass kicked and anyone who thought different was deaf, dumb and blind (not in those exact words)

the guy found my email and came online tellin me that i wasnt there so i couldnt say nething and that it was none of my business and it was just between him and my bro. i said that if that was the case his friends should but out as well, he said that i had no friends so i wouldnt know what i was talkin about, well that is kinda true, my brother is my only friend.

the guy had stolen shit off his family and no one in his family talked to him (including his parents and sister), so i said 'at least jack hasnt bullshitted his family around to the point where they dont even want to talk to him, ur such an asshole ur own parents wont talk to u'

when i said it it felt good to say, but afterwards i felt like shit and still do, because he pissed me off so bad that i accually slumped to his level and couldnt control myself or what i was saying. i never purposely do things to hurt ppl, i cant stand doing that, but he got me to.

[Ouroboros]

One of the worse things I've done was get involved with this sweet, innocent young girl (you know, the 'wide-eyed catholic college girl' kind), while being in a prior relationship with this other girl who, naturally, took precedence but was out of town.
So when my original girlfriend came back from wherever the hell she had gone, I felt so dumb, wasting my time with this other girl so I basically told her, in the middle of dinner at a nice restaurant that was close to her place, "you know, my girlfriend's coming back in town. Yeah, I have a girlfriend. Finish your dinner." She cried, which I can't say I stand, so I was like, "fuck it. I'm out of here." I got up, paid for the meal and left.
Later, she turned out to be one of the best friends I've ever had. I probably ruined her life, but she was always saying things like, "I wouldn't have had anyone else do it". One of the most heart-wrenching, soul-rending things I've heard in my life, and my voice still breaks when I say it, was her saying to me "forgive, never forget".
That's just the kind of prick I can be.

[hewhoisagod]

Having to move to Kansas......... one of my best friends killed himself about a year after I left Chicago......... I still hate my family for that......But for something that I did....... when I was 4 or 5 and my younger sister was still crawling, my sister and I would open the baby gate to the stairs and let my infant sister roll down the stairs....... to this day I wonder how people can die from rolling down stairs...... my sister's perfectly fine.

[ofdarkblood]

I regret not having the decency to tell an ex girlfriend of mine how much she meant to me. She thinks I hate her and won't talk to me. *sigh* Should have opened my big mouth then...

[memorydream]

You know, the same old stuff, not telling more bosses to go fuck themselves, punch certain people in the mouth and tell others I loved them before they passed out of my life.

[LrdSatanas]

Ive stolen like 2 times in my life. and i have always thought it was bad. I don't steal now. never will. leave that shit for the blacks.

[memorydream]

Ive stolen like 2 times in my life. and i have always thought it was bad. I don't steal now. never will. leave that shit for the blacks.

Hmm...I thought posting on a sort of gothic website would you mean you like black? Oh well...

By the way, you know, just like I do, that white people are the BEST thieves, slaves, culture, from each other, we are the Best, my hot little friend!

[SindelChaos]

I didn't leave the first time my ex showed signs of abuse. I suffered through it for almost 9 months because I was too stubborn to give up. I thought I could help him out of his anger issues. It ended up with me most likely having some jaw damage because he punched me in January and I can't even open my jaw all the way. I need to get x-rays done. Also, it ended up with him killing my mother's dog. It was hell for me. It worked when I left him, he stopped being angry and admitted he loved me, but I didn't go back to him. I had accomplished what I set out to do. There was no reason for me to go back. That is probably one of the biggest things I wish I hadn't done.

[HempKnight]

Ive stolen like 2 times in my life. and i have always thought it was bad. I don't steal now. never will. leave that shit for the blacks.

Hey... don't hold nothing back... tell us all how you really feel?

Glad to see you got your life's calling well under way.


Lets talk a lil' shame, yeah.... I used to be a racist piece of shit sharing the very same views as you seem to want to expound here. You know I could say something about stupid fucking rednecks and inbred assholes but really I think nothing more needs to be said. In my years and travels around the world, I have proven to myself that no matter what the colour, race, creed or what have you, in EVERY sector of society there are always the 'BAD' people. There are whites just as fucked up as there are blacks, latinos, asians... and there is always some asshole willing to run their mouth about just how bad someone else is when they don't have the balls to take a good look at themselves.

If this is the kinda shit I'm coming back to, I should have just stayed gone... I'm all for this Blue Blood's right and protection of free speech, I would never hold that against Amelia or Forrest, nor anyone here.. but come right the fuck out and say what you're going to say. Call a spade a spade, a gook a gook... whatever... its your right as it is everyone's. Just remember, this isn't a 'whites only' community and it is your opinion that the blacks are theives and the faggots are fucking up the soil or whatever... then again, opinions are like assholes - everyone has one, some are best left unexposed to others.

Don't take this as a personal attack either, this is just a gentle reminder that as an ex-skinhead from Detroit, I do know where you are coming from... to an extent, but in the same breath, you can just as easliy get killed or robbed by some fucking white kid who's mommy and daddy make $200k a year because he's bored and wants a little excitement. But as a white man with a black girlfriend, I find your statement very unfair, blacks are just as pissed off about other blacks stealing from them as well as other crimes against them.

So you and whoever else can take what I say how ever you'd like, that's fine, I take no offense... just making a statement and saying what's on my mind. If you don't like it, that happens... I could give a shit less about making friends, that's not why I came here.

[memorydream]

Hey... don't hold nothing back... tell us all how you really feel?

Glad to see you got your life's calling well under way.


Lets talk a lil' shame, yeah.... I used to be a racist piece of shit sharing the very same views as you seem to want to expound here. You know I could say something about stupid fucking rednecks and inbred assholes but really I think nothing more needs to be said. In my years and travels around the world, I have proven to myself that no matter what the colour, race, creed or what have you, in EVERY sector of society there are always the 'BAD' people. There are whites just as fucked up as there are blacks, latinos, asians... and there is always some asshole willing to run their mouth about just how bad someone else is when they don't have the balls to take a good look at themselves.

If this is the kinda shit I'm coming back to, I should have just stayed gone... I'm all for this Blue Blood's right and protection of free speech, I would never hold that against Amelia or Forrest, nor anyone here.. but come right the fuck out and say what you're going to say. Call a spade a spade, a gook a gook... whatever... its your right as it is everyone's. Just remember, this isn't a 'whites only' community and it is your opinion that the blacks are theives and the faggots are fucking up the soil or whatever... then again, opinions are like assholes - everyone has one, some are best left unexposed to others.

Don't take this as a personal attack either, this is just a gentle reminder that as an ex-skinhead from Detroit, I do know where you are coming from... to an extent, but in the same breath, you can just as easliy get killed or robbed by some fucking white kid who's mommy and daddy make $200k a year because he's bored and wants a little excitement. But as a white man with a black girlfriend, I find your statement very unfair, blacks are just as pissed off about other blacks stealing from them as well as other crimes against them.

So you and whoever else can take what I say how ever you'd like, that's fine, I take no offense... just making a statement and saying what's on my mind. If you don't like it, that happens... I could give a shit less about making friends, that's not why I came here.

Thanks for that. And though I was trying to be humorous early about it, I do have to say that there is just enough punk in me to say that it's talk like that, that'll get the shit kicked out of you, LrdSatanas. Don't think hiding in a room with some little computer is going to keep you safe, racist attitude reeks in public just like any fucker who doesn't know how to wipe his own ass. So, keep on pushing those buttons, just know that some of them are labeled detonate.

[CPRB]

man if I had a penny for every regret I could all buy you double shots at your favourite saloon.

[HempKnight]

Thanks for that. And though I was trying to be humorous early about it, I do have to say that there is just enough punk in me to say that it's talk like that, that'll get the shit kicked out of you, LrdSatanas. Don't think hiding in a room with some little computer is going to keep you safe, racist attitude reeks in public just like any fucker who doesn't know how to wipe his own ass. So, keep on pushing those buttons, just know that some of them are labeled detonate.

Well, if you haven't noticed, I'm not one for mincing words or fucking around. I have no problem saying what's on my mind, there are alot of people who don't like it and become uncomfortable, but fuck 'em. I'm probably one of the most well educated ex-skinheads you'll ever meet, which is why I no longer subscribe to that mindset for the simple fact you have to be pretty fucking assbackwards to think skin colour has a fucking bit to do with anything, least of all the crime rate in your neighbourhood.

And believe me when I say, I was a strict neo-facist/racist... if anyone was to tell me 15 years ago that today I'd be with a black girl, I would have stomped their ass into a grease spot on the pavement without a second thought. I'm still well-known in the racist community, but no longer as a confederate, sympathetic to their cause but as an outcast, a negro lover as well as some other very nasty things, but one thing they all know for sure is... I'm not one to be fucked with. They are all very afraid and as well should be, I know their dirty little secrets. plus the fact I happen to be well armed. I show no mercy for anyone who attempts to bring harm to myself or loved ones, just as they would, be they black or white, whatever their colour... fuck with me and find out.

Before I turn this into a rant, I will stop... but back on topic, shame, yes, I am very shamed by who I used to be but will not hide my past or use it as an excuse. All things happen for a purpose, believe in karma or not, but I think that my past has given me more insight on my future with Nudemuse as well being a better human.









HEY AMELIA.... I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK, like you didn't know... hehe.
Helluva way to start off, huh. Thanks again for your help, I'm feeling much better now.
I'll send you a PM here shortly, didn't get a chance to earlier.

[Amelia G]

Well, if you haven't noticed, I'm not one for mincing words or fucking around. I have no problem saying what's on my mind, there are alot of people who don't like it and become uncomfortable, but fuck 'em. I'm probably one of the most well educated ex-skinheads you'll ever meet, which is why I no longer subscribe to that mindset for the simple fact you have to be pretty fucking assbackwards to think skin colour has a fucking bit to do with anything, least of all the crime rate in your neighbourhood.

And believe me when I say, I was a strict neo-facist/racist... if anyone was to tell me 15 years ago that today I'd be with a black girl, I would have stomped their ass into a grease spot on the pavement without a second thought. I'm still well-known in the racist community, but no longer as a confederate, sympathetic to their cause but as an outcast, a negro lover as well as some other very nasty things, but one thing they all know for sure is... I'm not one to be fucked with. They are all very afraid and as well should be, I know their dirty little secrets. plus the fact I happen to be well armed. I show no mercy for anyone who attempts to bring harm to myself or loved ones, just as they would, be they black or white, whatever their colour... fuck with me and find out.

Before I turn this into a rant, I will stop... but back on topic, shame, yes, I am very shamed by who I used to be but will not hide my past or use it as an excuse. All things happen for a purpose, believe in karma or not, but I think that my past has given me more insight on my future with Nudemuse as well being a better human.









HEY AMELIA.... I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK, like you didn't know... hehe.
Helluva way to start off, huh. Thanks again for your help, I'm feeling much better now.
I'll send you a PM here shortly, didn't get a chance to earlier.

http://www.blueblood.net/boards/showthread.php?p=32004

Much props to you HempKnight for truly owning who you are, where you have been and where you are going.

I think my point of view on bigotry is probably pretty clear to anyone who has tried to type certain racial epithets on this board. Those are some of the only words which autocensor. That and certain terms child abusers google for and certain spammer sites.

Fun fact to know and share: My parents were two of the first 100 card-carrying members of the NAACP. They could never figure out how to explain racism to me, so they just never told me there was any difference. Racism was something I first heard of in school during our Civil War units. I thought it was something primarily in the history books only, until pretty late in life.

Both racial pride and prejudice struck me as baffling and horrid because you really do have to be taught that stuff. Human beings do not naturally come to those conclusions.

When I was in college and went to hear Spike Lee speak and he said he was interested in giving black students of my school jobs, I was depressed for ages afterwards. I was impressed with him for having been creative on his own. I was impressed with him for being an indie filmmaker and not for being a black one. Of course, I later saw stuff of his which I felt condoned date ****, but that is a topic for another thread.

[Ouroboros]

then again, opinions are like assholes - everyone has one, some are best left unexposed to others.

Man, that's going to the "favorite quotes of all time" notebook..!

[CorporateGoth]

Perhaps I will pick my next thread topic more carefully..... Didn't mean to start a shitstorm over this.... My next topic : how's the weather?

[MistressJennifer]

Once I was driving and a car almost crashed into me head on collision. It turned over several times and landed in the swamp. I didn't stop, I didn't try to help the people inside I just drove away.

I should have helped them. Also, I regret that when my mother was sick, I was not supportive at all. I was about 16 and into myself, and I just could not deal with her illness and surgery and pain, so I just ignored her. I took care of my mother for a long time, and I also regret that I could not have made her happier during her illness. I think I could have taken her to more places, or made her life better than it was.

I know this is all really sad.... I have a lump in my throat now. I think I need a drink...

[pelelaka]

i won't even begin to tell you the thing i regret most, if anybody i knew ever found out about it especially if it got back to my mother, i'd die... but when i was a little kid i walked through people's back yards along a canal in naples florida. one day me and my best friend found a dead dog floating in the water. on the way home we say a reward sign for that same dog. we called the person up and showed him his puppy. an alligator had gotten the dog, they guy couldn't even pull his dog out of the water without the dog falling appart. with tears in his eyes this total stranger handed me and my friend a check for one hundered dollars and asked us not to cash it for a few weeks because he didn't have the money just yet. his little two year old boy was crying in the back seat to see his daddy so upset. we waited like he asked but if i could ever find that guy again i'd give him back his money with intrest. why the hell should he pay one hundered dollars for his dog when he can't even bury the body? i didn't have anything to buy with that money i was only like 12...

[Camby Savelle]

I broken a promise to someone who means more to me then life itself.

[HempKnight]

Perhaps I will pick my next thread topic more carefully..... Didn't mean to start a shitstorm over this.... My next topic : how's the weather?

Naw... you wouldn't even want to get me started about the weather... it is SEATTLE after all.



And actually this is a very good thread, especially for my return to Blue Blood...
I needed the excitement and to be able to get back into the swing of things anyhow.

Shitstorms aren't a bad thing.. you just need a better umbrella.

Keep up the good work... and no threads about the damned weather