Archer S4E9: The Honeymooners

Archer Hating Wife is taking it easy on me this week, since I’m heinously sick and doing this recap ripped to the tits on Mucinex Cough Slayer sizzurp. Excuse me if I lapse into prophesy midway through.

This week’s episode of Archer opens with our boy Sterling’s thumb up Lana’s tush. How they gain any sort of tactical advantage by posing as newlyweds will surely be explained as we go, but I’m assuming one of the show runners has a recurring dream about Aisha Taylor in a fab wedding gown.

Poovey apparently applies the five second rule to schwarma sammiches used as visual aids for raucous hotel sex. And yep, she took a bite. I wouldn’t wear my shoes into my own house after I’d stood on that carpet.

Somehow the mention of direct depositing the annual bonuses coupled with Sterling pinching his mom’s credit card makes me think there’s going to be a twist centered around ISIS financing. Anyway, here comes Tunt with some wacky heiress curveballery and we’re off to Tuntmore Towers for some crazy & horrible.

Not horrible: Lana’s catsuit. DAMMMM. Sterling clearly intends to spend another ep getting hammered and disregarding the mission in favor of being a giant sex pest. Good for him, although “premium blended Scotch” is a three-way oxymoron.

I’m assuming the ribs at the Tuntmore are Carolina style. I need a minute.

Krieger, Krieger, Krieger. I’m guessing the radiation on Piggly 3 is a result of experiments regarding slow-smoking ribs at the subatomic level.

And we get to see Poovey’s tats get oiled, which is fun.

The physics on that rescue dive are beyond all mythbusting. But really, anything for a Ghost in the Shell skyscraper dive scene. Sterling is basically Wile E. Coyote anyway.

Which I typed before he started his laundry list of injuries sustained, which I don’t think covered the car crashes, train jumps, or cancer. And no, Lana isn’t going to hate-bang him, she’s going to rat him out to his mom. Excellent. This leads to Lana being appointed Agent in Charge, Sterling going off the reservation, elevator fight scene, and three guns on our heroes. She’s in charge.

Line of the night goes to Poovey for “Thricely redundant”. Nice hustle.

Sterling picks his cuffs, Cyril improvises a smokescreen, and Lana clears the room with a burp gun. Sweet. And Cyril doesn’t know what he’s dicked himself out of here. Probably all for the best.

Mallory of course does not see the point of this farce. It’s a FARCE, woman. And we get a Krieger punchline that hits in three stages, each more disgusting than the last. Tour de force.

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