Our second new episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones season 7 begins with some terrible weather at Dragonstone, and Dany’s in a sour temper. Varys gets to interview for his job again, and acquits himself decently well. With that out of the way, Red Mel is here, looking to get back in the game. A bit of High Valyrian pedantry ensues, and the stage is set for Jon Snow to meet his new favorite aunt, in the service of both prophecy and practicality.
Up north at Winterfell, the invitation is discussed among the northern brain trust, in very practical terms. Everyone wants to be on the side with the dragons, it seems.
Cersei, meanwhile, is winning hearts and minds with some unpleasant truths regarding Dany and her cohort. Sam’s horrible dad is in the house, and what should he bring up but the Dragons. Coming from anyone but the deranged ghoul Qyburn, “we are currently working on a solution” would be a mealy-mouthed non-answer.
It’s up to Jaime to seal the deal, which requires some serious sucking up, offers of position and power, and appeals to the old man’s xenophobia and ego. We’ll see how that goes.
And it’s bad news for Jorah, according to Archmaester Quincy. In deference to his station, he gets a free night in the cells and the unsubtle suggestion that maybe he should eat his sword.
Down in sub-basement storage, Qyburn is giving his report on that “solution” to the “dragon problem”. And again, crossbows symbolize dishonor and cowardice. (I know, it’s a windlass, but it’s basically a huge effing crossbow.)
Back at Dragonstone, there’s no fighting in the war room. Tyrion has Cersei’s number here, and his plan for the siege of King’s Landing is certainly sound. And no one’s saying anything, but his plan to set the Unsullied on his family and birthplace is ice fucking cold.
(On a side note, taking advice from Lady O, who has nothing to lose and just wants to watch it all burn, is tempting but possibly unwise.)
And we get a touching scene and some spectacular gratuitous nudity with Grey and Missandei.
And it’s worse news for Jorah, since our Sam is here to help. Hey, what better to follow the love scene no one wanted than an extended wound debridement scene with nothing but some Captain Morgan for anaesthetic?
And we get a singularly revolting jump cut, and Hot Pie! Touching reunion, much chow, and Arya’s behind on current events. Looks like a change of travel plans, lucky for Cersei.
Back north, Sam’s raven finally arrives. This calls for a staff meeting! There’s a bit of back and forth and Jon’s off to Dragonstone over all objections. Unpleasantly, the first person Sansa looks to after being handed the keys to the castle is Scratchy the Pimp.
And Scratchy takes a run at Jon in the catacombs, and damn, does Jon not have time for such bullshit.
Since Arya’s on a reunion tour, apparently, we get a tense encounter with her long-lost direwolf. Nymeria does her the courtesy of not eating her or her nag, but declines the invitation to be a pet again.
Meanwhile on the narrow sea, the smokin’ hot bastards are squabbling and Mama is about to get some when Uncle Euron crashes the party. The battle never looks like anything but a bloody rout, and it ends with two dead sand snakes, two high-value hostages for Euron, a big chunk of Dany’s sea power in flames, and a broken Theon going over the side.
There goes part one of Tyrion’s brilliant plan. Next week, we get to see how parts two and three work out.