Archer-hating wife update, since I know that’s the highlight of these recaps: Archer-hating wife has realized that Elementary is on opposite Archer, and is currently watching that in the spare room while our senile dog shuttles back and forth with increasing agitation. He prefers us both on the same couch, with him on the center cushion, under a blanket. So he’s registering his annoyance by stomping in here, giving me the stink eye, and knocking stuff off the coffee table. Not sure how he’s messing with AHW, but I’ll hear about it.
This week’s ep of Archer opens with Cyril, Ray, and Sterling stuck in a dune in a poorly desert-optimized Jeep. Apparently in Turkmenistan. I never saw Rat Patrol either. Anybody? Also, doesn’t Ray have cyborg monster legs? Wouldn’t that help as far as getting the jeep out? I guess sand doesn’t give you a solid platform, and it doesn’t make Sterling any less of an asshole for putting his feet up.
And since being buried in a sandtrap with a guy who wipes his ass with mission materials isn’t enough fun, Archer done got hisself snakebit with his pants down. Let it never be said that this show puts on airs and graces.
Back to the NYC time-bubble office for some eye-opener cocktailing with Mallory, outrage from Lana, and a bit of Lenny & Squiggy cut-in from Poovey & Tunt. Bonus AT-AT impression from Tunt, and I’ve said it before, the closed captioning on this show is art.
And no, you can’t tourniquet the taint. And bravo to Sterling for understanding the importance of ignoring any advice against consuming alcohol in a trauma situation, and Cyril finally remembers Ray’s bionic legs.
Dammit, Ray, lift with your legs. If I had bionic legs I’d lift five cars a day minimum just to mess with inconsiderate parkers. I’m hoping we get more of Sterling’s bucket list in future. Also whatever unspeakable thing Krieger is doing back there.
Ray’s back story never disappoints, but I’m sorry, we can’t stop here. This is gator country.
And Sterling is Warren Beatty in Heaven Can Wait. Excellent. And he’s also Leonard Cohen. And Cobra Bit My Taint is my thrash metal Capt. Beefheart cover band. Meanwhile we’re cycling through a certain era of sports movie reference and where’d the hot dog come from? And who gets billed for the flashback mini-bar? And Flintstones gag to bookend Mallory’s Jackie Gleason crack.
I totally missed the ep where Tunt got a chip in her head, or the glue killed enough brain cells to cause a savant effect. And rat wedding. Moving along.
The chubby Archer flashbacks depress the shit out of me, but that’s the price you pay. And again I remind you: closed captioning.
Some back & forth in the tent of the superbeards, and the boss produces a mason jar full of what is surely semen but we are told is anti-venin. This sets us up for a ruined reveal of Papa Archer and a Pulp Fiction visual gag. Boom, phrasing.
It takes a lot for me to call an ep of Archer a throw-away, but we didn’t get much here. We have a set-up for a future Tunt excorcism, a new avenue of abuse for Lana, a slight epiphany for the embattled Figgis, and okay, cute rat wedding. But this all feels like a bit of foot dragging on the way to the epic god damned cyborg showdown that I’m finding myself oddly invested in.
SAID YOUR MOM.