The Following – The End is Near

We can do this. There are only two more episodes that we have to sit through in this season. What happened to us, The Following? In the beginning we were all, hey, what’s up. And now we’re all, please make it stop. Where did we go so wrong? I thought we had something special. I thought this was going to mean something. Is it me? I’ve been so faithful. Every Monday night I tune in, even when I’d rather be doing something else, I’ve been here for you! And what have you done to me? You’ve used me. I feel betrayed and let down and really disappointed. You said you’d be different, you’d really try but that isn’t what happened. I don’t think you ever loved me.

This episode is titled “The End is Near”, and thank Jeebus because I’m ready to let this relationship die. Let’s just get through these last two and then go our seperate ways. It’s what’s best for both of us.

Joe’s flesh wound doesn’t seem to be healing well but he is trying to fill it with pills and whisky, like one does. The cult abandons the compound now that Joey is with the FBI and will be able to identify the house and Joe and Claire seek refuge with a very nice couple who seem totally on board.

Some more stabbing goes down. This show really likes their sharp, pointy objects. Knives, harpoons, hat pins. It seems like so much work. I have a headache growing and I’m not sure if it’s allergies or just my patience wearing thin with this show. Crazy stabbing girl gets interrogated sexy style by Bacon and learns that CLAIRE MUST DIE SO YOU CAN BE REBORN. Okey dokey, artichokey.

Joe gives a long speech about marriage and such, I wasn’t really paying attention, that is until Claire smashes him with a wine bottle and stabs him again. Well, she’s definitely going to die now but that was hilarious. But run while you can, lil rabbit.

So this crappy town has all assembled at the school gym “for safety” and when Bacon suspects one of them, a bunch of randos start killing people. Fer cripes sake. Where’s the show about unicorns and puppies who are best friends and go on adventures? I’m watching that next.

Parker, arguably the only character I actually think is interesting, gets kidnapped during the school fiasco and then is buried alive. Cool story bro. One more episode, and then I’m packing all your shit in boxes and leaving them on the lawn. Call your mom to come get them, I don’t want to see your face again.

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