We made it to the last episode. We slogged through those last couple episodes, clinging to the hope that there is going to be a payoff with this finale. Or at least some more stabbings. Joe’s story is drawing to a close and it’s looking pretty grim for him. He’s already been stabbed twice be his ex-wife (she never should have left Raylan! Thanks Amelia!), his followers are somewhat strewn about and Bacon is hot on his trail. If Joe really wants to do it right he’ll go on a three day bender and end up dead in Baltimore, just like Poe. But I have my doubts.
What’s gonna happen guys? Only something impossibly stupid, I’m sure.
Lil Boy Poe approaches the police station and inside the mask is a number to a cell that Parker has in her coffin. That was nice of them! Such a good distraction while the Cult does whatever else they’re planning. Can’t they get a helicopter with a heat camera out to where they think Parker is and fly around a bunch? It didn’t look like they buried her more than a foot down. It’s an ambush! But Bacon prevails, like usual.
Claire and the crew are at a lighthouse and argues with Joe about the finer points of writing. Joe has enough of her sass and shoves her in a room with some other guy. At this point Claire isn’t afraid of Joe at all, especially when he gets all weepy. I guess sociopaths have feelings too. Weird, creepy feelings that make me feel gross.
Hardy Baconterrogates the guy they found. They eye crunch isn’t really necessary, is it? They get to Parker but it’s too late. Really? REALLY? Man, fuck this show, she’s the only interesting chick you had! And then Bacon shoots the Cult guy in the head. They are going to have a real PR nightmare on their hands soon. In the coffin is a copy of Joe’s shitty book which tells Bacon where he’s supposed to go, but doesn’t let Mike go with him. Uuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh.
I don’t know what’s going on in this scene. Joe wants to know when Claire knew he was insane and she says she never knew til he was arrested. Then they both cry and Joe kills the citizen with a knife in front of her, as some sort of gesture to show that she’s not responsible for him. I told you there’d be more stabbing. This is ever so tiresome.
Bacon arrives at the lighthouse where Emma takes his gun and phone, and then gets drugged. When he wakes up, Joe strikes out on his monologue of delusion, centering around when Bacon fell in love with Claire. Dude, move on! Get some therapy. Some relationships are meant to last, like when one of the people is a fucking lunatic. Bacon offers some criticism of Joe’s writing that doesn’t go over well. Then there’s some fighting and some fire and we assume that Joe gets blown up in an inferno. Hmmm. We see Emma in Alabama. Okay.
And then that one crazy Cultie who was watching Bacon, stabs him and Claire. And scene. What an unsatisfying ending. Holy shit. No one cares if Claire makes it (she won’t) or what happens to Emma (killing spree, who cares). Bacon will live but his death curse will drive him to drink. Who the hell is gonna stick around for season two after that shit show? Okay, The Following, take your shit and get out, we’re done.