Gingerdead’s Calan Ree asks the important questions. Why is candy corn so emblematic of Halloween and why does candy corn taste so much less good than it looks like it should?

Apparently, ineffable is one of the most searched for words on the internet today. This is entertaining because it is ironic that someone should search for the meaning of a word which means that which has meaning which can not be expressed.

I think ineffable is one of those words which comes up around a holiday like Easter, as folks bust out scripture, while being a bit fuzzy on what the bunnies mean. So, as a service to the community, we thought we’d help everyone out with, not the nine billion names of G-d, but at least the ten most useful definitions of ineffable.

Ineffable is . . .

1. incapable of being expressed or described in words; inexpressible: ineffable joy. (Random House)

2. not to be spoken because of its sacredness; unutterable: the ineffable name of the deity. (Random House)

3. Incapable of being expressed; indescribable or unutterable. Unspeakable. (The American Heritage Dictionary)

4. Not to be uttered; taboo: the ineffable name of G-d. (The American Heritage Dictionary)

5. defying expression or description; “indefinable yearnings”; “indescribable beauty”; “ineffable ecstasy”; “inexpressible anguish”; “unspeakable happiness”; “unutterable contempt”; “a thing of untellable splendor” (Princeton’s WordNet)

6. too sacred to be uttered; “the ineffable name of the Deity” (Princeton’s WordNet)

7. Incapable of being expresses in words; unspeakable; unutterable; indescribable; as, the ineffable joys of heaven. (Webster’s Dictionary)

8. That cannot be described, incommunicable, indefinable, indescribable, inexpressible, undescribable, unutterable (Roget’s II: The New Thesaurus)

9. too great for words, beyond words, celestial, divine, empyreal, empyrean, ethereal, heavenly, holy, ideal, impossible, incommunicable, incredible, indefinable, indescribable, inexpressible, nameless, sacred, spiritual, too sacred for words, transcendent, transcendental, unspeakable, untellable, unutterable (Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus)

10. Ineffable? Is that that hot girl in high school who was saving herself? Or is that uneffable? I get the two confused. (Forrest Black)

Definition #10 is my favorite. (Yes, he was kidding, although don’t try drunk word definition debate games with him because you will not win.) Now that you all know what ineffable means, don’t blame me if the stars start winking out one by one. I’m just the messenger. (Do blame yourself if you are as big a dork as me and get the Arthur C. Clarke reference.) And, if you like furry bunny suits, decorations, candy, and treasure hunts (even for lame treasure like boiled eggs), I’d like to wish you a Happy Easter.

The following are the top three definitions of Halloween, as voted on by the users of Urban Dictionary:

”(1) An annual excuse for girls to dress like sluts and get away with it.

Girl 1: I’m going to be a ______ for Halloween.
Girl 2: What’s your costume look like?
Girl 1: I’m wearing my ______ underwear and _____ bra and heels.

(2) celebration where little kids dress up and get candy, teens dress up, get drunk, and go get candy, and adults dress up, get drunk, and give out candy, funny how things all work out.

im dressing up as a farmer for halloween. im so cool.

(3) the day that makes the other 364 worth living.”

For a lot of people Halloween is the one day out of the year that they can truly be themselves. It was always my favorite holiday and then one year it seemed like almost a let-down, like it wasn’t really any different from any other day. Which, in a way, meant that I guess I’d made the right life choices to get to be who I wanted to be all the time, but, since then, I try to pull out the stops when October rolls around, so it still feels special. Sometimes trying to pack so much into one short time period makes me melancholy and high strung around Halloween, but I generally end up feeling good about it, after all is said and done.

As usual, this year, Blue Blood is the media sponsor for a ton of events. The ones Forrest Black and I will be personally shooting at include the just passed Release the Bats Nine Year Anniversary and the upcoming Hex Hollywood Halloween 2007. You can see what we shot last year in the Hex Hollywood Halloween 2006 photo gallery.

”well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
cos to me everyday is halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight

well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say ‘why are you dressed like it’s halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene!’ . . .

well I let their teeny minds think
that they’re dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay
cos halloween is everyday”

That is a quote from the seminal Ministry song Every Day is Halloween, by the way. It was actually first released in the early 80’s, although most people will guess later than that, even those somewhat versed in their goth-industrial trivia. This week, I recommend you give candy to drunk girls in excusable slutty costumes and quiz them about the origin of the expression “Every day is Halloween” and win barroom bets, with an assist from your pal Amelia G.